Start your Saturday with a smile: 1. A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies: “No, I’m travelling light.” 2. “Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?” 3. What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac spend most of his time doing? Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog. 4. An electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him over. The policeman says: “Sir, do you realise you were travelling at 130km per hour?” The electron goes: “Oh great, now I’m lost.” 5. Pavlov is enjoying a pint in the pub. The phone rings. He jumps up and shouts: “Hell, I forgot to feed the dog!” 6. There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that know binary, and those that don’t. 7. When I heard that oxygen and magnesium hooked up I was like OMg. 8. A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says: “Make me one with everything." When he asks for change, the vendor replies, "Change comes from within." 9. What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder. 10. Never trust an atom. They make up everything. 11. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it’s a hardware problem. 12. Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says: “Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it’s funny or not?” Gödel replies: “We can’t know that because we’re inside the joke.” Chomsky says: “Of course it’s funny. You’re just telling it wrong.” 13. A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says: “Five beers, please.” 14. Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now. 15. An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The bartender says: “What’ll it be, boys?” The first mathematician: “I’ll have one half of a beer.” The second mathematician: “I’ll have one quarter of a beer.” The third mathematician: “I’ll have one eight of a beer.” The fourth mathematician: “I’ll have one sixteenth of a…” The bartender interrupts: “Know your limits, boys” as he pours out a single beer. 16. Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French café, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress: “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies: “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?” 17. A classics professor goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended. The tailor asks: “Euripides?” The professor replies: “Yes. Eumenides?” 18. A programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
Posted on: Sat, 27 Jul 2013 12:28:07 +0000
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