Staying Balanced In My Emotionally Unbalanced World ~ Written by Cassie ~ Many people who suffer from a mental health disorder can suffer from emotional dysregulation issues for many different reasons. It is said this symptom is not exclusive to Emotional Unstable Personality Disorder – BPD, many people who live with bipolar disorder, autism and anxiety disorders to name but a few can suffer from this. I have suffered awfully with this symptom in the past for many reasons, primarily from anxiety due to being a highly sensitive person (HSP) and living with Bipolar Disorder. Below I have documented what emotional dysregulation is, my experiences and how I cope with it. Please remember that we are all different and unique, some people may relate and other’s may not, so please do not use my article as a diagnostic tool. Please also be aware this may trigger those who have been through something similar. What is Emotional Dysregulation? Emotional dysregulation refers to a person who finds it difficult to control or regulate their emotions to internal or external stimuli and may emotionally over react to such situations. Any the wiser? Ok the definition is self-explanatory although very clinical and does not do this subject any justice. If you haven’t suffered with this I might as well be speaking jibberish as this definition alone does not describe the intensity and turmoil I certainly feel when suffering from this. This subject is very hard for me to talk about and one which cuts to the bone for many reasons. I have written about my experiences living with bipolar disorder for five years which I find very easy to do, this subject on the other hand is very difficult for me to cover, I have thought about writing about this symptom for at least a couple of years now but haven’t found the courage until now. My Past Experiences; I am now going to start to explain how it used to feel for me by discussing my past experiences through a piece I wrote many years ago in my diary. OK deep breath………Here I go. “Sitting here staring at the blank page, pen in one hand and you dear diary in another, after cradling you close to my chest to soothe myself. So many emotions whirling around my haunted fragile mind and I cannot think clearly. Yet again I have had another outburst, I am so embarrassed, I am a grown women but yet I cannot control my emotions and how I react. No one understands me, I feel so lonely. I see the looks people give me when I am crying on the floor or shouting at my partner. I know I need to stop being so over sensitive, I am not stupid I know my behaviour is not acceptable. The anger I feel inside is indescribable, the sadness and sheer desperation tears me up, I have no armour to protect myself from my emotions and it cuts to the bone. I can’t stop it, it hurts it really does so much so I do not have the words for it. On the flip side I can become so excited, you know the excitement I am talking about diary, not mania but a special kind of happiness which can be caused by the smallest of things. It is so difficult to wrap my head around why I feel emotions so much more intensely than others. How can I explain the intensity of emotions I feel and the turmoil I go through when feeling upset if I don’t even understand it properly myself, so for today dear diary I will finish there and hope for a better day tomorrow” So as you can see regulating my emotions was so hard to do, emotional dysregulation can be disturbing for me and for others around me when I am reacting negatively to something. When I get to that stage I am unable to self-sooth, not only am I unable to self-sooth I am unable to effectively regulate my emotions and it takes me longer than the average person to be able to reach emotional stability. When feeling happiness it can very easily tip into euphoria, when I am feeling anxious it can over spill into panic and so on and so on. I react impulsively due to the sheer intensity of emotion I am feeling. I am not immature, I do not need to grow up, I am not weak or pathetic, I certainly am not behaving this way for attention or because people have let me get away with my behaviour, ( believe you me I along with many people who have or do suffer from this are our own harshest critics and guilt can consume us), but in that moment I am unable to see that due to pre-conditioning by society, ignorance, stigma and self stigma. This only adds to the helplessness and hopelessness I feel. I am in fact suffering from a debilitating symptom which many people suffer with in silence, a symptom of mental illness something which I have not asked for, for me it is caused primarily by anxiety, when I am depressed or highly stimulated by inside or outside stimuli, different people will have different causes but I can only speak about myself and how it affects me. How I overcame it; The good news this symptom can be helped, and I am delighted and thrilled that I can say I have managed to be able to regulate my emotions more efficiently than ever before through; medication to control my bipolar disorder and coping techniques I have acquired through self teaching, mindfulness, DBT and CBT. Many people learn to regulate their emotions using some or all of the coping methods above. It was hard work, it took a lot of time and effort and copious amounts of self awareness to learn my triggers and how to work through them. I am not going to sit here and say I don’t suffer from this at all anymore, there are times when those emotional scales tip over but the difference between now and then is; it doesn’t happen as often in fact not very often at all, I am able to work through it better, I do not feel the same intensity of emotions or turmoil when I do experience this symptom, I do not feel hopeless or helpless and I am able to live a balanced, happy, productive life. If you think you or someone you know may be suffering with this please do not suffer in silence, please seek professional advice and support. It is not something to be ashamed of and it is more common than you think. globalmentalhealthawareness/cassies-blog/staying-balanced-in-my-emotionally-unbalanced-world
Posted on: Sat, 25 Oct 2014 13:44:53 +0000
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