Staying in a relationship after the first abusive episode, opens the floodgates for more abuse. You telegraph that her abusive behavior is ok because she didn’t experience any negative consequences (e.g., ending the relationship) for treating you poorly. Many men minimize or rationalize the first incident by telling themselves she was “having a bad day,” that she’s “emotional,” and/or the BPD/NPD apologizes with a ready made excuse for her bad behavior. Please note: These women rarely accept responsibility for anything they do. They only feign remorse if they’re afraid you’re going to leave and/or they’re trying to manipulate you into doing something. When someone’s truly sorry, they do everything in their power not to hurt you again. Expressing anger at her behavior will get you nowhere. In fact, she’ll use it against you to portray herself as the victim and you as the bad guy. Once you decide to stay in the relationship and tolerate the abuse, a NPD/BPD woman slowly begins to: Undermine your confidence. Confuse what you know to be fair and true. Destroy your self-esteem and self-worth. Brainwash you into believing that you don’t deserve better. Erode your ability to take action in your life. You begin to doubt yourself, question your sanity, feel powerless, and develop what’s called “learned helplessness.” This explains how a person who was once independent can become scared, confused and dependent. It’s sort of like what happens to a prisoner at a POW camp. A BPD/NPD woman basically brainwashes you into believing that she’s a saint, that she puts up with you, that she’s the victim and you’re the bad guy. If you receive these messages on an endless loop, eventually, you’re going to start to believe it. Also, her rages, tantrums, verbal attacks, mood swings, blowing hot and cold with her affection, and tear-filled, “poor me” dramas are so convincing, you begin to wonder if maybe you are a jerk. This is projection and projective identification. A BPD/NPD woman projects the wretched feelings she has about herself, but will never consciously admit to you or anyone else (including herself), and pins them on you. When she says, “You’re angry and unloving,” she’s actually describing herself. This is called projection. Continue reading in Link Below:
Posted on: Tue, 28 Oct 2014 18:22:04 +0000
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