Story Time!! Yesterday we were hauling hay to the hay stacks to be stacked for the winter. I was driving a an old Dodge truck pulling loads of hay across the hay field, no big deal! Then my husband tells me we need to switch, he will deliver the next load and I can bunch bales with the tractor. WHAT?!!! Was my initial reaction. I have driven a tractor a time or two and raked lots of hay but never, NEVER, picked up a gigantic round bale let alone move it somewhere. Now dont laugh, yes I have been married to a rancher for 10 years but it just isnt something I have done, until yesterday!!! So I climb in the tractor and I have to tell you I was a bit excited, super scared, and I had a sleeping boy in my arms. The first bale was a miserable failure, I moved on. The 2nd bale I got onto the spears, but couldnt get it off the ground, problem! I stopped the tractor, had tears welling up behind my eyes and wanted to give up, really just sit there and cry and wait for my hubby to show back up. Maybe yell, tell myself I should be able to do this so many women DO, feel sorry for myself, feel worthless....... NO NO NO!!! Katy that is NOT the way you are NOW. STOP bashing yourself and give it another try!!!!!!! Yep just like that I was able to push away, stomp on and throw out the door those nasty self degrading thoughts that had crept in and made me want to CRY! I was able to be STRONGER than those all too familiar feelings of I am not worth it or good enough. I FOUGHT BACK!!! That first round I had maybe 2 bales semi near each other. The next time I climbed in the tractor my buddy was awake and brought his protective head gear along, just to be safe you know :) I did a MUCH better job 2nd time around :) When I saw hubby pull up a GIGANTIC very PROUD smile was creeping over my face, but I couldnt let him see it!! I held it back until he acknowledge on his own how much I had improved and how I was getting the hang of it. Then the smile went wild and I felt AMAZING!!!!!! Why do I share this with you? 1. because I am still so happy that I am CHANGING. 2. Because I post often about Beachbody coaching and working out and my change in feelings about my self worth are completely and totally 100% related to my new coaching love, the personal development I do daily, the support of like minded people I now surround myself with, my clean nutrition focus, and my exercising daily. I have made some changes these last 6 months and SOMETHING is working!! I am SO AMAZINGLY excited about what happened yesterday that I am NOT STOPPING NOW, this is JUST THE BEGINNING :)
Posted on: Sun, 14 Sep 2014 18:00:08 +0000
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