Styxx seeks out Help Styx Anaxkolasi *I stand on the porch debating on whether to knock or not. I know Grace Alexander usually works from her home on Fridays. I reach to knock and the door opens before I can even touch it. I am greeted by Grace herself. She looks at my face and nods. Its as though she senses that I need to be here now. She leads me into her beautiful home and straight to her office without a word. My head ducked down not looking directly at her, I follow. Beth was very unhappy when she noticed my knuckles and feet and ordered me to go see Grace. I guess she had called in advance and warned the good doctor I was on my way. As she takes a seat and motions for me to do the same I begin to pace back and forth. I just couldnt sit down yet. I needed to be moving. I needed to do something. Preferably beat the living hell out of the faces in my past, but that was not a possibility.* Grace Alexander *The morning was beautiful as I sipped my tea staring out the bay kitchen window, the change in new Orleans weather subtle but the signs and smells of Fall in the air. I breathe the cooler air as it drifts through the open pane, and smile at one of the most beautiful times of the years. My day should be peaceful, quiet since I normally work half a day on Friday from home, the reward of being my own boss with Beth all these years. But this morning will be slightly different since I got a text from Bethany that she was demanding her husband come in for an extra session this week. She gave nothing away, but the hidden worry in her text let me know that this week must have been pained for some reason for Styxx. Listening to the light rap at the door, I smile as I can already tell he is hoping to avoid me all together. Placing my tea cup in the sink, I run my fingers through my hair and take a deep breath to get into my mode. I open the door to see his leaning against the frame, head down as if he is expecting the evitable with me. Smiling warmly I take his hand, my fingers feeling rough calluses and scabs across the skin which makes me wonder what on earth he has done. Without a word I take him to the back office, hoping that my extended vacation hasn’t made more harm than necessary but sensing that that may not be the case. I watch him pace like a caged lion, like his mind is racing with worries and memories that have once again taken over his whole being. Now seeing that we need to backtrack once again, my heart aches for how once again a close friend of our family suffers so. I vowed to Ash and Savitar that I would help all those Hunters, Squires and Were’s in need, but in all my years, the brother of a man I love so dear has suffered the worst, he may be the one case that tests every skill I own, doubt my knowledge and experience. Sitting back in the chair, I let him have a few minutes to settle, noticing the bloodied scabs on his clenched knuckles which clue me in to what pushed Beth over the brink to intervene. Nonchalantly pulling his file from my stack, grabbing my pen, I wait for a moment to see a moment to wedge a entry comment in. Seeing him glance out the window I see my chance*clearing my throat* It’s beautiful this time of year. Isn’t it? Sometimes when the leaves change and fall to ground, it brings me back to many childhood memories? Has this happened to you Styxx lately?* dont really know how to answer. So many thoughts were racing through my mind and it was hard to grasp onto just one. Finally taking my seat, my head in my hands where my hair conceals much of my face. I rest my elbows on my knees and sigh deeply.* I dont know doctor. I truly dont know. *things in my past I cant reveal to anyone bothers me. Things nobody truly knows. I keep my scars hidden for a reason. The things done to me as a younger man would break anyone else.* Beth made me come in. She thinks I need help. *I laugh at myself* We all know she is right but I dont think anyone can help me anymore. How is talking truly going to make the voices of the past be quiet? How can it erase the memories? *I look up into her questioning gaze and do something that I rarely do. I know its horrifying to most people but I stand and pull my shirt off dropping it in the chair. Allowing my scars to show to the good doctor for the first time, I look her in the eye.* How can it make this go away? Grace Alexander *Trying to keep my composure as I watch the anguish spread across him like a wave, all the progress that he and I have made since he came to me very unwilling for help a year and half ago totally destroyed once again. My mind races as to what could have possibly set him off again down the dark and sorrowful path of his past after so much light and joy has come into his life in the form of Bethany, Urian and that beautiful baby Aricles. As with many of patients, therapy is an ongoing process that has many twists and turns sometimes taking years to make even slight progress. I knew after it was related to me from Ash and Bethany the amount and depth of horrific suffering and abuse he suffered that this would be a case that would test my knowledge and constitution to the very limit. My breath slightly gasps as he drops his shirt to unveil his deep gnarled scars to his body while tears threaten the corners of my eyes at the vision of hate marring his tanned skin. Placing my pen down, I reach out and take his battered hand in mine, a slight squeeze of support I place to have him know that I will never abandon him like others have in his time of need. “Styxx sweetheart, I know that something has triggered all this once again, that this is not the first time we have gone down this terrible road before and I am sure we will revisit many times again. Handing the shirt that laid at my feet on the floor, I motion to him with a warm smile to replace the garment on and take a seat. Waiting patiently, I gather my thoughts of how to get him back to the progress that we have made without letting this spiral out of control. “ Now I know that you may always have the physical reminders of you abuse you endured, their imperfections always reminding you of the past and the people who caused you such grief. But scars are also internal when abuse happens, they can run deeper, carve profoundly, acutely upon your heart and soul but with internal…they can fade and soften through time with intense love, understanding and respect. That is what you have in your life now Styxx, a family that is making every effort to be your rock and salvation, to heal those wounds and inspire your life with new amazing memories and life travels. You should never look back, you should cherish every minute you have with your wife, two sons and even your brother.”* Styx Anaxkolasi *I sit and think over what she has said. It was true that my family was there for me whenever I needed them. Even Acheron had stopped being such a massive dickhead and was treating me almost human. I duck my head and sigh* Those scars are just the tip of the iceberg doc. There are so many more that I cant even begin to show you. Each one of these scars feel like when they happened they carved a chunk out of my soul, out of my very spirit. The anniversary of some of them seem to take me back to a time when I wasnt so fortunate. It shakes my faith in everyone. It makes me trust nobody. *I point to the scar over my heart* Did you know my brother gave me that one? *I point to several other stab wounds across my body* Those were from my mother. *The gnarled mass down my side from the hot pokers* These were caused indirectly by my father. *last I show her my crippled sword hand. I usually hide that and fix it so that its usable.* This was caused by my own people upon my return from fighting in a war for them. *Sliding the shirt back over my head* How do you learn to trust again with that for your history? Grace Alexander *As I think deeply about the element of ‘Trust’ I immediately think of my life fourteen years ago when a certain man came into my life. Thinking of how I want to word the advice that he sees the parallel of how everyone in life goes through some sort of doubts of trusting others. *Leaning back in my chair, I glance out my office window at the coopery hued leaves flitting down from my Sugar Maple outside before turning back to Styxx* “Honey let me use me….me and Julian as an example of anything is achievable. Know that each and every one of the people I see in this office, have a back story of distress, mistrust and the utmost suffering but probably none stand out in my mind more than you and your brother. You life stories and the torment you have experienced have testing my knowledge and perseverance to the perimeters of what I swore as a doctor I would do. Know that even myself who sat behind the desk daily listening and helping everyone that came thru that door, couldn’t help herself. I would work daily, never putting myself out there in life because of the extreme situation that occurred to me, it was easier to become a hermit, never trusting anyone or needing anyone…a shell of what I truly was. But then I met Julian Alexander, his story, the absolute adversity he suffered, the anguish of losing his entire family his children made me focus on someone else. In turn the more I tried helping him, I learned through his actions and words to open up again….to trust He reached into my dead heart and breathed life into it, making me realize there was more to life when the fated person is there to make you forget..to make you move on and feel again. You my darling have so much past history, none that I would every try smooth over or make light of, but I do know that NOW you have taken a path that with Beth and your sons have opened a new chapter in your life. You should remember the past, but never let it destroy the future. You will always have the memories burst to the forefront, but over time they will less and less, their effect on you diminishing. You should learn from them and be utmost determined to never let it destroy the happiness you now have. Styx Anaxkolasi *I listen to the doctors story about learning to trust and that you have to put yourself out there every now and again. I nod and think about my future. I have everything I always wanted. My beautiful wife is back in my life. My amazing son lives next door. I may have missed his childhood but I had him with me now. We had been blessed with another beautiful little boy. My brother was speaking to me in a civil manner now and I also had my nephews and my sister in law. I went from no family to a massive family in but a heartbeat. The images of the past few years races through my mind. Images of gaining the trust and love of those around me. I had fought hard to get my family back and I had to put my past behind me in order to move forward with my future. She was right.* Doctor Alexander thank you. Sometimes I think I just need someone to smack me in the face with the truth in order to accept that everything isnt going to just disappear in the blink of an eye. I need to be thankful for what I have now not sad about what I didnt have then. *She stands and walks around the desk to see me out. I let her lead me to the front door and turn at the threshold.* Thank you doctor. I am going to do my best to look toward a future with my family and not to the past and the painful memories it holds. I just pray they do get easier to deal with over time. *After this session I think I need a drink. I make sure my scars are again concealed and my hand is once again usable before I head out to the bar.*
Posted on: Mon, 10 Nov 2014 16:37:28 +0000
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