Summer Status Updates Interrupt my sleep and Ill interrupt your breathing U, R, 2, 6, C, I, 1, 2, 4, Q. LIKE if you get Usain Bolt should be a unlockable character on Temple Run I really wish my eyes could take photos Im great in bed… I can sleep for hours I hate mosquitoes, I mean I know Im delicious but damn SUMMER NEEDS TO SLOW THE HELL DOWN My bank account is more like a countdown to my homelessness I need new swear words... The awkward moment when the most annoying person is complaining about someone being annoying. 99% sure my neighbors have seen me naked through my window at least 20 times. 1% sure 21 times. Trust me, you can dance. -Vodka Admit it, you’ve answered Dora at least once in your life. Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder I may look calm, but in my head Ive punched you in the face 3 times! I wish I knew how to quit you. -Me, eating chips and salsa. The best feeling: when you wake up at 5am and realize you still have more hours to sleep... Whoever snuck the s in fast food is a clever person. Onions: $3.00, Caramel: $2.00, Popsicle sticks: $1.00. Watching your friends bite into a caramel onion thinking it’s an apple: beyond priceless. Why fall in love when you can fall asleep? If gas gets any more expensive Ill have to file for tankruptcy! If your name is John, your parents were just lazy when they named you. Favorite Status These updates were popular among our fans Exercise…ex…er…cise…..ex…ar…..size……eggs…are…sides….for bacon. Bacon. Things I didnt learn in high school... how to pay bills buy a house apply for college but thank goodness I can graph a polynomial function. If you’re one of those people who say “quote, unquote” more than once a day, I hate you. They say better late then never, but never late is better Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in big trouble. You have my Word. dont you dare like this status Dragonfruit tastes nothing like dragons... My neighbor knocked on my door at three in the morning! Can you believe that? Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums. Stu(dying) Stu(died) Coincidence? I think not. I love it when people call me at 3 AM. Hey, are you asleep? No, Im skydiving. Tell someone, You wore that shirt the day after yesterday and see how long it takes them to get it. More Popular Status Updates Those of you who say Ill sleep when Im dead dont really get how the whole dead thing works, do you? the more you know: If you cant sleep its because your in someone elses dream... finish this... We all know a douche bag named Kyle Just finished building Rome with Legos. Took me a day. Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve. –^v–^v–^v–^v-_____^v–^v–^v– For a second there, I was bored to death Insert coin to view my status message X is Loading ████████████ 99% Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing. -Ron Swanson An ear of corn looks nothing like an ear Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself! Just watched that TLC show where they exploit people. if your bored write your password as a comment plz If you look in the mirror and say Taylor Swift three times, she magically appears then breaks up with you. If my name was Mario, Id end all my relationships with Its not you, Its-a me Mario! I hate it when you drink water and the ice attacks your face If you think about it, Miss Mary Mack was the pioneer for goth girls. Staff Favorites & Custom Icons Cut here —————–✄———————- Coffee to me is what mushrooms are to Mario. I dont need to walk a mile in your shoes. I can see you’re a train wreck from all the way over here. Are you a beaver? Cause dam. Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it? I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak. Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant. decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire! The best feeling: when you wake up at midnight and realize you still have more hours to sleep. Yes, I know how to shut up. I just dont know when. if only life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP Old school statuses Before you give someone a piece of your mind, make sure you can get by with what is left. You say stalking. I say protecting you with binoculars. That awesome moment when someone cancels plans that you didn’t want to have in the first place. 2013 Pick Up Lines: I have a full tank of gas. Why aren’t mustaches called mouth brows? Fact: No one has ever Jumped in the shower. Money can’t buy happiness but it sure buys a lot of distractions. Do you ever feel pressure to play good music when people are in your car? You never outgrow sleepovers, they just become coed. Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices. My favorite colors are Grey Goose & Red Bull Old people study the shit out of receipts. I know - best response to someone telling you your fly is open The awkward moment when a zombie is looking for brains and walks straight past you. Hey Facebook search, way to guess the guy I’m stalking after I only typed in 1 letter. Would you like to see some more hilarious status updates? check out the bored facebook page & follow us on twitter....we funny! Want to update your facebook with funny pictures? Check out our funny pictures for facebook page. Youre friends will die laughing! I promise all you trolls! trust me itz dez krizzx
Posted on: Thu, 08 May 2014 08:41:49 +0000
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