Summer is almost over and the leaves will soon be changing colour. Its a beautiful time of year. The air is crisp and the Alberta skies are beautiful blue. Living without Will is a daily struggle, we miss him so much, yet there is something about the seasons changing that makes my heart ache worse. I think its because when the seasons change it means were talking about months, rather than days, and the four seasons turn into a year. When we think of our children being gone a year or years, its a feeling of longing and sadness like no other, it literally takes my breath away. Taking the loss of Will one day at a time seems less devastating. But really, in our hearts, and in our minds, were manipulating the passing time as just days so its less painful, maybe it makes it easier to cope when we think of the pain in days, rather than in months or years. Im not sure if you can understand what I mean, its very difficult to articulate the overwhelming grief we feel when we lose our children. The counting never ends. We count how long its been since the last time we had our child with us. Its just something we do. Although I remember the day Will was born and all the months and years after, its impossible to forget that day. One month after Will died, we went to see a counsellor and it was way to soon by the way. I remember only one thing from that session. She said, there will never be new Will stories. She said, you will tell the same Will stories over and over again. What a blow!!! I felt my whole body and soul collapse on the inside. I do know I have told you this before. I also told you what my amazing sister-in-law Graca said to me. Every time youre told of a memory or a story from someone else, a story you have not heard before, it is a new Will story. Graca, you have no idea what those words meant to me. It was Iike being revived from death itself. It gave me a bit of hope for coping, where before there was none. Today I sit here feeling so lonely for Will. Its early afternoon but I am still in my pajamas, my new pajamas that were given to me from a new friend. I have many things to share today. I thought of writing the stories individually but I dont want to fill your news feeds so much. Ill start with the pajamas Joni lost her son, also named Will (12 1/2 years old), in May of 2011 in a tragic accident. Joni sent me a beautiful pair of pajamas. She tells me that she wrapped the pajamas in hugs and hoped that I could feel it. And for Moms like us, there are days when we stay in our PJs most of the day. Joni told me that one day in January of 2013 she was watching the Vancouver news and was inspired by the story of a Mom who also lost a son. This woman spoke of the comfort she found in a pair of pajamas her friend, also a grieving Mom, sent to her. This Mom (on the news), decided upon hearing of the tragedy in Connecticut at Sandy Hook Elementary School, that she would start a fundraising effort in her community to raise funds to purchase and send a pair of pajamas to each of the twenty Moms who lost young children on that horrible day. Because Joni could relate to the solace she herself has found in her pajamas, she decided that sending pajamas would become a vital part of a website she created to help support Moms who have lost children. (loveletterstowill) Thank you Joni, I love them. I felt the warmth of your hugs too. And thank you to Sheila for asking Joni if she would send me a pair of pajamas to help get me through the tough days. xoxo Wills Soccer Team The photo of the soccer team is when the boys went to see the U20 womens FIFA World Cup in Edmonton. Canada vs Germany. The boys brought Will with them. The other photo is of the next day, the last game of the season, in Provincials. Cael and Reece, Wills friends, have memory visit with Will as Caels Mom Sarah says. They shared stories back and forth that day. Sarah made me a quilt last year with pictures of our family all over it and Cael wanted her to print the photos so that they could each hold one for their last team picture of the year. They brought Will to Provincials too. Cael also wants his Mom to print the photos again so that he can hang them in his room. Thanks Cael for continuing to love Will. Im sure hes beaming. xoxo. Thank you Sarah xoxo Christines idea of carrying stars around the world also creates new Will stories. A Star in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic Christines daughter Aly, brought a Star with her when she and her graduating class went to Punta Cana in July of 2014. Thank you Aly xoxo Will Stars found homes in many places while Christine and her family went cruising on the Oasis of the Seas in summer of 2013. A few were left with staff they met on the ship as well as people they met in Nassau and St. Maarten. The photos will name the people who were given stars. Thank you so much Christine xoxo A Will Star at Meat Cove While in Cape Breton this past summer, some of my family and I went on a hike at a place called Meat Cove. Meat Cove is almost at the northerly tip of the Island. Its a beautiful, and very isolated place. Just sixty permanent residents in Meat Cove. We stayed at the newly built Meat Cove Lodge. We arrived early afternoon and did a 3 hour hike. It was beautiful. We met two people on the trail, three so-called wild horses, and a bull, otherwise it was just us. I was a little freaked out as Im very afraid of horses. The trail was gorgeous, we saw a variety of mosses, lichens, and many different types of mushrooms. Will would have loved it all. Will always paid attention, he noticed everything, and did so with great enthusiasm. We spent the night at the Lodge. We had a fire, at least until the rain started, live music, thanks to the musical few in my family, and food and wine. I told the owner, Catherine, about Will and the stars, and asked her if I could leave one behind. She said she would be honoured. Thank you Catherine. xoxo A Will Star in Australia I first time I wrote about Holly was when she gave us a beautiful Christmas tree ornament along with a couple handmade bracelets. Holly and Will were friends and classmates. I also wrote about the Dimm family bringing a Will Star to the 2014 Olympic Winter Games in Russia. They left the star in the safe hands of Marina Timokhina who hung it in her hotel, Hotel Marina. The Dimm family travelled to Australia this past summer and again asked if they could take a star with them. My response ... Ummm yeah, absolutely!!! with tears. This is the message I received from the Dimms while they were still in Australia: A star for Will in Australia. It will reside in a ginormous Holly-certified-awesome-for-climbing fig tree - an icon at Jason and Crystal Whites home in Coffee Camp, northeast New South Wales (with a wicked view of Nimbin Rocks from the beach). In care of Hollys cousins Kaiya & Piper. It will have daily visits from wallabies and roos. Then a message from Crystal: Hanging Wills Star today :) I decided the leather wouldnt last in the Aussie sun and weather so I put it on a wire and did a W for Will with beads too. It looks great up there in the big tree. Nice to think part of Will is in our beautiful tree. Thanks Holly for choosing us to take care of Wills star, we will look after it and think of him. Thank you so much Holly, Maddie, Ronda and Cliff for taking Wills spirit to the land down under. And thank you Holly for the little koala you gave me last week. Will continues to soar with help from you. xoxo A huge thank you to Crystal, Jason, Kaiya and Piper for hanging a star in your big beautiful fig tree. One day I want to visit all of the places where Wills stars have found homes. xoxo We do want to feel the heartache of losing our child. We do not need to be cured... only supported. Thank you to everyone to helps to hold us up during this most difficult time in our lives. The counsellor was wrong. There are new Will stories. Will, we love you to the end of the universe and back....always. xoxoxoxox
Posted on: Sat, 13 Sep 2014 19:06:58 +0000
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