Sunday was the 17th anniversary of the death of Princess Diana, Queen of Hearts. This timeline, which commemorates her life and times, was originally written to accompany a Diana tea-towel we used to sell, and appears here in full for the first time. The tea-towel is long sold out sadly, though its essence lives on in each of us. Princess Diana, The Queen of Hearts - A Timeline JULY, 1961 Diana Frances Spencer is born to Frances and Edward John Spencer, in what is believed to be the worlds second immaculate conception. JULY 1977 Diana finishes her schooling at West Heath secondary school in Kent, leaving with no qualifications. Although she would later claim to be proficient in four different languages, it is later discovered that she invented all of them. NOVEMBER 1977 Prince Charles, who dated Sarah Spencer for several months, notices Diana at a shooting party at Althorpe, referring to her later as a total ride. JULY 29, 1981 The fairy-tale wedding in St. Pauls Cathedral. Some 600,000 people lined the streets of London to cheer the couple on while hundreds of millions more watch on TV. When Charles and Diana eventually retire to bed, dozens of footmen and serfs line the bed, and millions more watch on TV, as Charles spends an embarrassing twenty minutes pouring with sweat and apologising profusely. SEPTEMBER 15, 1984 Diana gives birth to a suspicious-looking, overly aggressive ginger-haired child. Nobody knows where to look as Charles shakes the baby up and down and questions whether its broken. JULY 1991 Diana hugs a sobbing AIDS patient at an English hospital, in one of her many displays of fearlessness and warmth that helped dispel panic about being near AIDS sufferers. She remained the only member of the Royal Family to have made physical contact with an AIDS sufferer until 2007, when Prince Andrew is molested backstage at Glastonbury. DECEMBER 9, 1992 Buckingham Palace announces the separation of the Prince and Princess of Wales following reports of both Charles and Diana indulging in numerous affairs. Diana is linked to a number of men, including James Hewitt, Martin Clunes, John Fashanu, Will Carling, Hunter from Gladiators, Andi Peters, Burt Reynolds, The Other Two from East 17 and Geoff Capes. These men would later combine their forces in 2014, when they each sign a public letter urging Scotland to vote No. NOVEMBER 1995 Princess Diana is voted the Queen of Hearts by her adoring fans, beating off stiff competition from the Big Breakfasts Denise Van Outen. Polls report a nationwide turnout of 77%, the highest post-1945. JANUARY 1997 On a trip to Angola Diana witnesses four of her bag carriers lose their legs to land mines after she insists on taking a short cut back to her hotel. Horrified, she decides something must be done. By the time of her death Diana had personally deactivated over 4000 mines, using her nimble fingers, cat-like agility and animal cunning. AUGUST 31, 1997 Concerned by Dianas ever-growing popularity, Prince Phillip and a group of fellow conspirators invite the Queen of Hearts to Buckingham Palace for dinner, lacing her cakes and wine with cyanide. After watching in horror as Diana consumes everything put in front of her, Phillip panics, shoots her in the back and throws her in the cellar. Hours pass before the conspirators check on the body, and they are deeply shocked when Diana opens her eyes and tries to strangle Phillip with her bare hands. After firing off three more bullets, they wrap her body in a carpet and throw Diana into the icy River Neva. Amazingly, the Princess is survives and manages to burst free of the carpet before ultimately drowning in the freezing cold river. This entire episode is later immortalised in the Boney M hit, Rasputin.
Posted on: Tue, 02 Sep 2014 11:45:01 +0000