TESTING THE AUSSIE SENSE OF HUMOR Q. What’s the difference - TopicsExpress

TESTING THE AUSSIE SENSE OF HUMOR Q. What’s the difference between Michael Clarke and a funeral director? A. A funeral director doesn’t keep losing the ashes Q. What do you call an Aussie cricketer with 100 by his name? A. A bowler. Q. What do you call an Aussie who can hold a catch? A. A fisherman. Q. Why can’t anyone drink wine in Australia at the moment? A. Because they don’t have any openers. Q. What’s the difference between Cinderella and an Australian cricketer? A. Cinderella knew when to leave the ball. Q. What do you call a world class Australian cricketer? A. Retired. Q. What do you get if you cross the Australian cricket team with an Oxo cube? A. Laughing stock. Q. What do Aussie batsmen and drug addicts have in common? A. Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from. Q. What is the main function of the Australian coach? A. To transport the team from the hotel to the ground. Q. Who spends the most time on the crease? A. The woman who irons the Australian team’s cricket whites. Q. Why don’t Aussie fielders need travel injections? A. Because they never catch anything. Q. What is the most proficient footwork displayed by Australian batsmen? A. The walk back to the pavilion. Q. What is the definition of optimism? A. An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen before going out to bat. Q. What’s the Australian version of LBW? A. Lost, Beaten, Walloped. Q. What do you call an Australian who can handle a bat? A. A vet. Q. Why are Australian cricketers cleverer than Houdini? A. Because they can get out without even trying. * On his way out into the middle to bat, Michael Clarke gets a call from his wife, and teammate, Brad Haddin tells her he’s heading out to the middle. His wife replies: “I’ll hold, he won’t be long!” * Did you hear what the stump microphones picked up when The Ashes skippers tossed the coin on Boxing Day? Alastair Cook called correctly and, quick as a flash, said to Michael Clarke “You lads can bat.’’ Just as quick, Clarke replied: “No, we can’t. We really can’t.” * A bloke walks into a brothel and says: “I’m a bit kinky, how much for total humiliation?” The madam replies $60. “Wow, what do I get for that,” he says. She says: “A baggy green cap and an Australian cricket shirt. ____________________________________________________________

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