THANK YOU TINDER I just met a woman on tinder here in Houston. We made plans to connect around 9am this morning, which also happens to be a few hours before my departure. I spent the majority of the next couple hours between waves of excitement and joy as we began to REALLY get to know one another--and with these emotions came sadness and a sense of knowing that this moment would be cut short due to the flight that Im now on. It was like Ive known her forever. And I feel like this has become a reoccurring theme as of late. It shows up when I get deeper inside another human beings world. And this experience reminded me how I dont allow women that Id like to get to know into this more personal intimate space of mine as much as Id like to. Why? Because it scares me. But the more that I do it, the more that I realize this is exactly what I want and most fearful of: to be seen more by *her* than Ive ever been seen before. My own stuff begins to surface. I want to deeply connect, yet also fear the rejection and judgement that I open up myself to. Even as I wrote those last few words, I could feel my stomach tightening. Its the ultimate paradox of my life. Being myself without conditions. Going first without ever knowing Ill receive a good feeling in return. And continuously leaning into the darkest places of my truth... But with her, I did. I told her I was nervous before meeting her. I shared with her that shes the first woman that Ive {soberly} kissed upon first meeting. She invited me to meet her in Vegas for her 30th bday, I didnt even flinch with a judgement of too soon. I would imagine some may think thats crazy. And in full disclosure, that wouldve been my response not too long ago. But, not today. Today, I just spent my morning pouring my love and fully accepting her for the incredible human being that she is. And that only happened because I fully accepted myself where I was. Im really glad she said yes to continental breakfast and becoming my uber driver to the airport. It was just the perfect cap to an incredibly soul-filled weekend. This felt good. I need to do this more often. ;)
Posted on: Sun, 26 Oct 2014 20:45:54 +0000