THE BEST POEM FROM MY EX-FIANCE , MY BABY MAMA GABBY...IM GLAD I INSPIRED HER TO RETURN BACK WRITING POETRY AFTER AGES TO PASS OUT POEM by Gabby McDaniel dedicated to George Kyomushula Healing Words Some say time heals, So I spent a year away from relationships, It was nice, I learned a lot, But I didn’t really heal. I should’ve know that’s how it would be, I’d seen my mom take a similar path after bad relationships, And still not get her healing, Still not able to break old habits. My mom sought out trust, Resigned with being overly trusting, Even if she still got hurt, I resigned to being overly distrustful, Protect myself by always keeping potential suitors at arm length. Met this man named George, I’d heard so much about him last time I was in Tanzania, But never met him, Surprised to see such a good looking brother, Like come on folks why didn’t you introduce us sooner? I guess he felt the same, Because he started professing his strong feelings for me, All I heard was the sound of walls going up and sirens going off, Stop this man, Danger, Block him out. I mocked his advances, Said I didn’t like him. Trying hard to put up barriers in myself and among my friends, My real friends just kept saying well he’s a really good guy, But I couldn’t hear them, Too much in a panic, Thinking why have they told him such good things about me? They’re all working against me, Damn! I kept seeing this man because he’s a poet, Works with Mama C, Runs a poetry night in town, We go every time, People kept asking are you going to read a poem, Oh no, no, no, I’m shy, I couldn’t, But I started to feel bad going and not participating so the morning of one of the poetry nights, I decided to try, Dust out those cobwebs, See if I remember anything from my poetry days back in elementary school, I mean my haiku was a blue ribbon winner, I started writing, Didn’t hold back, Put all my frustration down on that paper, A couple nights before I had talked to George, Told him just how I felt about him and his advances, Was brutally honest, but determined to say exactly what I felt, hoping it would scare him away and leave me in peace, But it didn’t, He graciously accepted what I said, And sent me a text that night saying it had been one of his best days in August, I was taken aback. Hmmm…maybe he’s not soo bad? The way he handled it helped me feel comfortable to write it in a poem that I was eager to show him. He saw himself in the poem, In the mix of other men who had offended me since I arrived, Said wow, yous a feminist, I was surprised again, Why’s this man happy to see me write such honest, frustrated things that he helped bring about? He loves poetry that much? Well now I see why, It’s opened up another world for me to express myself, Communicate my feelings, Heal. Sometimes I’m on the verge of tears as I write, I write without rules, Just trying to get things out of me, Its therapy, I’m in a trance, Sometimes I have to step away, Catch my breath, Return to the rest of the world, Other times I’m just sleep walking, Thinking things over and over, Wondering how to convey them, How to let them escape, When I go back and look at what seemed to be a crazy jumble of thoughts and words, I’m surprised, I did capture exactly what I wanted, Damn, that shit is powerful! Lose my breath again as I’m reading it, So therapeutic. And then I have Mama C and George encouraging me to share what I’ve written, Oh no, no, no, I can’t, I’m shy, That never stops Mama C, But George is the one who really got me, Hesaid, “What about all the people who can’t express themselves like you, but have had the same experiences, that feel alone or scared to speak up?” I was like damn, If I can help someone else, I’ve got to share it, So I took my first step by sharing it on facebook. My heart was racing, I was like oh, I bet some people won’t like it, But I was like most people are polite they just wont comment so I won’t have to know, Breathe, Breathe, Don’t Stress, But then I checked back a couple hours later to find people liking it, Saying wow, excellent poem, What?! Really? Made me feel so good, Helped give me confidence to keep writing, Keep posting, Now I’m getting ready to start reading them aloud. It’s hard though, Everything sounds so perfect in my head. When I go to read it, I stumble over words, All my rhythm is gone, It’s like it’s not even the same poem! And I start becoming more conscious about my performance than the words, Uh uh, But I see Mama C perform, See George get up in front of a tough crowd and just go for it, See Baba Niya even get up and read poems for the first time, I know I can do it, I know soon it will feel more comfortable, Maybe I’ll really start getting into it. I know George will be by my side cheering me on, The man who loves me so, Doesn’t know that I love him so for helping me find my own medicine, Healing myself with poetry, His encouragement speeding up my recovery, What a blessing. Recently we went through some shit together, People talking down to us, Trying to humiliate him, Talking bullshit about class levels, Hurtful, unexpected shit that makes you pick your jaw up from the floor, Only to have it fall back again when you see that the person hasn’t even noticed their errs, Mixed emotions, I thought he was my friend, I thought he was in the struggle with us, I didn’t stand up for George, But I didn’t doubt him either. Angry with my “friends” for their behavior, Mad that I didn’t do anything and anything I do still wont reverse the affects of what they did. But the best person is by my side, We can handle this together, Talking it out, Writing poetry, Combining our poems, Healing ourselves and healing each other, That’s love. ©Gabriella McDaniel
Posted on: Sun, 31 Aug 2014 08:42:34 +0000
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