THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE REPULSIVE Written by Ray Lonsdale Tuesday, 01 July 2014 21:04 Well, whod have thought it a few weeks back, the fundraising for Eleven O One is almost there and I still cant believe the support and encouragement that has come my way from so many people, it has been truly humbling and I would like to thank each and every one of you for the kind words. Also the response to the limited edition prints from my sketch has been brilliant and it has been nice to have that sort of reaction to something other than a sculpture, again, thank you. Bev and I are still visiting Seaham virtually every day as the people and atmosphere are quite addictive and it is always a pleasure to meet some new folks. I have had to spend the last couple of weeks doing some preparatory work for a couple of potential commissions , one up here and one in London but they are both at a very early and fluid state so at the minute I cant really elaborate any more than that. I will give more information as and when things develop on both of these projects. Some of you may think you have seen me on the local television news stations but I am convinced that they used a stand in cos the person on the screen seemed so much fatter, balder and older than me , not to mention his penchant for punctuating every word with an erm or er , cringe. Seeing myself on telly doesnt happen very often and it is one of the things I hate, it is right up there with littering, patriots who fly the union flag upside down (Bev thinks Im ridiculous on that one), self service checkouts (because they hate me) and having to use public toilets for number 2s. I will only do this when things get so desperate that I need to shorten my stride and I am virtually doubled up in pain. The following tale will demonstrate why. A few years back I was lucky enough to have an exhibition of my work in a gallery in the prestigious Mailbox centre in Birmingham. Just before the doors opened I thought hmmm , Id better go to the toilet , nerves were playing their part I think. Anyway , the facilities were quite plush so I selected a trap and.... well Ill gloss over the next bit. But. Mid task I heard the main door burst open and it was obvious from the hurried sounds that whoever had entered was in for a 2 buttoner ( to those who dont know a 2 buttoner is when someone only has time to loosen 2 buttons on their fly before the action starts, a panic job in other words). Now, this fella in no more than 20 seconds entered the adjacent stall, dropped his strides, made an impressive array of squeaks , wheezes, farts and whimpers, pulled up his strides and exited not only the stall but but the whole washroom area. It was then that things went horribly wrong because just as I saw the smell creep under the partition wall I heard what I estimated to be a group of around 4 young men enter the toilets and promptly go through a series of fake puking and gagging then suggest loudly that I go straight to the doctors as soon as I finish. Protesting my innocence seemed futile so I had to sit (Sit, that is) in silence and choke until they left which seemed like an eternity , then I had to hang around in the wash area for a few minutes among the stench incase they were hanging around outside just waiting to ridicule the poor fella who was obviously rotting away inside. Life is so unfair sometimes. Ray.
Posted on: Tue, 01 Jul 2014 22:23:49 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015