THE MOVING STORY OF MY LIFE - KAFFY KAFAYAT SHAFAU-AMEH: HOW SHE DANCED TO LIMELIGHT Through no fault of hers, the dancer better known as Kaffy went from grace to grass; and from grass to the cesspit before hugging the limelight in ways beyond her imagination. Life dealt her many telling blows. Not minding the frequency of painful darts shot in her direction, Kafayat Oluwatoyin Shafau-Ameh, better known as Kaffy remains unbowed. She has confronted the challenges with dogged determination. In the early years of her life, she was raised in London with her siblings. When they returned to Nigeria, the circumstance of her life was still good enough for her to attend a very high profile school, Chrisland in Opebi-Lagos. Her parents were famous in the Lagos high society. They were known for their generosity and lavish spending. Her father owned a chain of businesses including a car shop, farms and a travel and tour concern. Her mother held her own with a large boutique. Things were rosy for the Shafaus; or so many thought. Kaffy was too young to know where and how the leakage that caused an unfortunate reversal of financial fortunes set-in for her parents. The Shafaus were not prepared for the financial breakdown that rocked them. One of the immediate consequences was the dissolution of the marriage; then the hardship of single parenting struck. Her mother who took custody of them could not cope with the expenses of raising Kaffy and her siblings. Although her mother never remarried, her father got married again not too long after. To be sure, her parents were married multiple times before they met themselves. Their marriage to each other was not their first. They had children from these other marriages before they came together. Kaffy recalls that it was a struggle to pay her school fees at Chrisland. An incident that remains etched on her mind and kind of demonstrates the divine intervention that has manifested at various stages of her life was when the teachers in Chrisland took up a contribution among themsleves to pay her school fees. They thought she was a smart child who should not be allowed to drown from the surging tides of the vicissitudes of life that she was totally not in control of. At the time, Kaffy was in Primary Four. She had a younger brother in the nursery class of the same school. At Chrisland, Kaffy and her brother were frequently sent to the ‘shed’ a place where they kept pupils whose school fees had not been paid until their parents pick them up+. As embarrassing as it was, many of the teachers and administration staff of the school told her, ‘your parents are in the newspapers. They have money. If they don’t see it as important that their children school fees are paid, we need to show them one way or the other. It is not because we want to do this to you, but it has to be done for them to notice what was going on.’ While the parents seemingly had money, it was not spent on them, as it were. Although they were placed in the best schools, there was not much follow up. Kaffy had to make an impression on her teachers so that they could appreciate her when things go wrong; like the time that the teachers contributed to pay her school fees. She was into a lot of extra-curricular activities, like inter-house sports. At that very young age, she led the march past and designed the choreography for the bands and they always won that category. She was between seven and eight years. Always ahead of the pack, she was the one who had the responsibility of commanding the rest, shouting, ‘eyes right, left, let’s go’. She was a Brownie (the mini Girls Guide). At a point, she was in the Red Cross. With better understanding now, Kaffy believes God’s grace has always been with her because every time she did a little thing, people appreciated it as if it was extra-ordinary. Whenever there was a dance competition in school, she won. The school’s literary and debating society was another place that she registered her mark. Most of the time, the teachers would say ‘Shafau, let’s go, you need to talk for the school’. She also took part in drama. One that she would never forget was The Nativity play where she acted the part of Mary, mother of Jesus. The school was so proud of her acting skills at that age. One moment she remembered on stage was when the Wise Men from the East came to visit the manger. Most of the time, her parents don’t come for the school functions. At that moment, she spotted her parents in the audience and she shed a tear. People thought it was part of the play; they were thrilled that a child could know that such emotion exists; that she could feel the pain of Mary. Unknown to them, it was just a coincidence that connected with the acting. She finished her primary education at Chrisland, but it was without a cheer. She missed the happy occasion of the valedictory ceremony which every child hugged with laughter; again, owing to issues with her school fees. She was denied most of what could be the graduating privileges. It was very painful for her to be in the audience at the graduating ceremony; and not on the stage. As fate would have it, Kaffy is on the world stage in the biggest way that she could never have imagined. Secondary education was topsy-turvy. She changed school a lot because her mother moved around a lot. It depended on where she moved to. At the time, poverty was still their bed mate. One term she was able to pay, the next term she was not able to pay. There were situations where she could not afford to pay for Kaffy and her sister. Kaffy had to stay at home some terms so that her sister could go; especially if it was a critical term like JSS3 and it is third term. At such a time, she could stay home because it was not yet a promotion term. By that time, they didn’t even know where her father was. When the parents separated, he never came to see them and they did not go to see him. For almost six years, they did not see their father. She was 12 years when her parents went their separate ways. Happily, all of these are in the past and Kaffy has re-united with her parents again. However, to get the break that she is now famous for, she had to run from her mother at 16. She was not a child anymore and there were aspects of her mother’s lifestyle that her spirit revolted against. “When you are seen as accepting a certain lifestyle, before you know it, it would become like mother, like daughter thing. My education was too important to me. We were so caged when we were growing up. We did not know uncles or aunties. The only time we knew an uncle’s house we were driven there. In our early years we stayed in London and when we came back to Nigeria, we were not exposed to everybody in the family. Our parents were a bit private with that area. We had people who were like my mother’s friends. They were close enough to be called aunties. One of them was very passionate about me. She was sorry about the way we were living. That was where I ran to. She took me in and even when my mother came to look for me, I had to hide in the woman’s wardrobe. I did not want to go back. There was a day, my mother came with my sister. I peeped through the window. I could see my sister. I was in tears. I think my mother brought her because she knew the sight of my sister would bring me out. My heart couldn’t take it, but I knew I had to do something. If I didn’t get out of that system and look for help somewhere, all of us were going to end up delinquent. I felt I should be empowered. I had a lot of energy. I also felt God-driven. I was morally upright and I was God fearing. You just know when wrong is wrong and you don’t want to stay there. There are a lot of things I can’t open up to you about because these are my parents I am talking about.” Today, Kaffy who has always been honest with herself uses the story of her life to inspire so many young people who are in worst cases. “I did not have to insult my parents to make my point. I was never rude to them because of what we were going through. There was a situation I had to face my mother and I said to her, ‘we can’t continue to live like this’. I was scared stiff. I thought she was going to flog me to death. She just looked at me perplexed. It was at the aunty’s place that God started redesigning everything about her. One of younger brother’s came home on holiday. “He said my surname rang a bell. One day, he remembered and said I went to school with a Shafau. It was my uncle’s son. He was talking about my father’s eldest sibling.” One thing led to another and Kaffy met with her uncle who agreed to take them in. “My uncle started taking care of our school fees. He was stable. He was an administrative manager with the Strabag Construction Company. We went to Coker Secondary School which was beside Strabag in the Orile-Iganmu axis. That was where I finished my secondary school. He took up everything. I had some computer education. In between, I went to the National Stadium for fitness training, all in a bid to empower myself. I was active in sports, I started getting popular, gradually, especially after I was announced the most promising and the most disciplined player, back-to-back in the Olumide Oyedeji Basketball Camp. I formed the female basketball team in Ogun State University. I was also playing for Sea Rovers, a Lagos-based basketball side. From the Olumide Oyedeji camp, I was recognised and given scholarship. It was that scholarship money that I used to pay for my certification examination as a fitness trainer.” So outstanding has her life been that it is now clear that Kaffy was born to lead. Her star always outshines those of her peers. For example, even those that she stood on the same podium with as winners of the Guinness World Record in dance are now her employees. The dance prize was for the group. Each of the 30 members (29 because one of them dropped out on the last day) has a claim to the title. The ‘Last Man Standing’ was just an additional part that the organisers added. Four groups were attempting at the same time, anyone that lost seven members of the group was disqualified. “I was already helping with the coordination of the whole event. They needed people that understood fitness. I volunteered. I worked out the whole 120 people. I did a workshop for the 120 people. I educated the 120 people. It wasn’t about my team, it was that Nigeria had to break this record. First of all we sensitised the whole 120 people before we were even broken into groups at all. I was already committing myself to help; so I was seen as someone who could lead.” Twenty nine persons finished in her winning group, which was called Zebra. How did Kaffy become the most popular of the lot? “Fate and the role I played. I happened to be that kind of person who can coordinate a group. The procedure was that you run a marathon which gives the organisers a clue that you are fit to some extent and have some level of stamina. From there they chose 120 persons and divided them into four groups. I knew a few of them because I had a dance school. I got forms for a few of my students. The groups were formed based on the kind of people who came for the competition. We had a lot of athletes, fitness enthusiasts and dancers. The organisers made sure that they were evenly spread among the group. Each of the 29 of us in the winning group has a claim to the title. We all had certificates. After we won, I tried as much as possible to carry the 30 people along, everybody wants to pursue different things. I cannot decide everybody’s dream. Some of them are still dancing, Meg, Elijah; one of the guys is a DJ, I employed him. He has a stable job now. One of them got to me recently, Sinclair. Some are in my school, working for me. I am in touch with a handful of them; Steven is working for me. Taofeek is working with P Square, I got him a job there. I can say I am in touch with 10 of them.” The Guinness World Record feat was in 2006 but Kaffy is still riding on the crest of that fame. It was what brought the conviction that her career choice was not a waste of time. Thirty four year old Kaffy has a Diploma in Data Processing from the Ogun State University, she was going to have a direct entry to study Health Sciences, but she had to take a decision based on the reality of the times. “I thought to myself, I could not afford school fees and I had this thing that people were beginning to pay attention to. Even in my department, I was the one who did all the practical work and even assisted the lecturers. When I am not in school I worked at Proflex Gym, I was already an instructor. People were asking for private classes. I was earning a salary of N17,500 then. I had clients who were paying good money. I was able to go to school for years until I could not manage my schedule anymore. I was living on my own. I paid rent. I had to give up one for the other. Of course, I went for the one that could empower me so that when I am established, I can pay for any kind of education I want.” Today, Kaffy is so empowered that the kind of education she wants now is one along the line of business that she is in; one that would help her apply the acquired knowledge to demand and supply. It may not yet be a long time, but her marriage to Joseph Ameh, a drummer with P Square is viewed as exemplary. The couple have two children in two years of marriage. She has a simple way of explaining her fruitfulness. “You are a married couple, you consummate, if a child comes, it comes. I am not going to say I have had one, let me plan a second one at this time. We would do it eventually because it is wise. We are both young and we have our career at the same time. Left to me I am done, both my husband wants more children. We need to be real. It is not about how many children you have, it is about raising them properly. We are taking a break for now and we will try again when we are ready.” Explaining how they met, she said, “It wasn’t because I was around where he is a lot. I was working with P Square before he came. Even when I met him in P Square house, we were not relating much. I focussed on the people who hired me, not him. I love to play to the drums and he was the drummer that I was closest to. He would call me 100 times before I return one call. I am very focussed. I am not driven by having relationship with men. We grew as friends. We did not get closer until two years after the whole initial platonic relationship. We got close when I wanted to produce my track, ‘Omo Gidi’. From the studio, he would help; he would stay. The relationship part just blossomed out of friendship.” Perhaps, this is the reason the couple do not pay attention to much touted fact in the media that Kaffy is eight years older than Joseph. A fact she admits. Many years after she got close to her man to learn how to play the drums, it is Joseph who now plays on the strings of her heart and Kaffy has only just managed to play the drums a bit; not as much as she would love to, mainly because she has become busier. While she is taking a break from baby making, Kaffy is planning to make a dance movie. Leading up to that landmark, she has produced a dance DVD as a stepping stone to a lot of things that are going to explode, including a career in music. She feels that Kaffy as a brand has matured to a state where it has a lot to give out. With the DVD, Kaffy can be in every home where people appreciate her fun-filled type of work out. Incidentally, the vocation that has brought so much fame to her is not something she learnt from anyone. But she recalls that anytime she stood up to dance others would just leave the dance floor. She was shy; so much that throughout her secondary school she hardly danced. “I was more into sports-soccer and basketball. It was strange to me that I would be dancing and people would stare at me. It did not occur to me that they liked something about it. When I started to go to the National Stadium to train people, I realised that aerobics was a bit boring for me. I wanted something more exciting and fun; so I started infusing dance into the work out and people just loved it and it became a hot cake. Everybody wanted that kind of work out.” Kaffy is now focussed on leaving a legacy in line with her philosophy that every gifted person must give back to humanity otherwise, the life is wasted. Kaffy recalls the years she was dancing for free and insists that what makes any vocation beautiful is that it must help lives. For Kaffy, this is the right time to export African dance and she is doing that with her project, Ijoda (Yoruba for where is the dance). With famous musicians like Beyonce using African dance movement, Kaffy thinks this is the right time to cash in. She has already toured London and five American cities with Ijoda. And she is encouraged by the response. Other projects that she is working on simultaneously include an inspiration video called ‘Show me the Fight in You’. The video uses dance to tell different stories. It is entertaining but at the same time tells you that you can be empowered. The trick is to use dance to tell people to grow their self-confidence. There is also a dance reality TV show called ‘Dare to Dance’. She hopes to use this to groom dancers and show the public that it is not easy to become a professional dancer. Another project in the Kaffy kitty of goodies include a workout programme on air. Television stations are already angling to have her attention in this regard. The crowning glory of her entire projects is a centre for the arts for which she has already bought land along the Lekki-Epe Express Way. When completed, talented persons would get access to nurture their talent for stipends.
Posted on: Sun, 10 Aug 2014 22:00:23 +0000
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