THE ROAD-BLOCKS THAT ALIENATED PARENTS SELF-CREATE ARE HINDERSOME TO MOVING FORWARD! THERE IS A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MOVING A FORWARD DESPITE NEGATIVE AND PAINFUL CIRCUMSTANCES, AND GIVING UP. THIS IS NOT ABOUT LETTING GO OR ENDING THE FIGHT TO BE REUNITED WITH CHILDREN OR ENFORCING YOUR RIGHTS TO PARENTING TIME WHAT SO EVER. THIS IS ABOUT RECOGNIZING HOW WE HALT OUR LIVES DUE TO THE GRIEF OF THE LOSS THAT IS FELT AND RECONGIZING PATTERNS THAT KEEP US FROM LIVING A FUTURE BASED LIFE WHILE STILL SUFFERING THE PAIN OF PARENTAL ALIENATION OR SEVERENCE FROM OUR CHILDREN’S LIVES. JUST AS IN DEATH, THE LOSS MUST BE GRIEVED. FOR ALIENATED PARENTS THE GRIEF IS OFTEN LIFE LONG. HOWEVER, THERE IS A TIME TO PASS THOUGH EACH STAGE OF THIS GRIEF TO THE NEXT AND WHEN A PARENT DOES NOT MOVE THOUGH THE STAGES BUT RATHER STAYS IN ONE CONSTANTANT STAGE OF BEREVEMENT WITHOUT TAKING A BREAK OR TIME TO LIVE OUTSIDE OF THE PAIN; IT IS SELF DEBILITATING AND COUNTER PRODUCTIVE. WHEN A PARENT IS SUDDENLY AND ABRUPTLY CUT OUT OF THE LIVES OF THEIR CHILD/CHILDREN THIS IS AN EXTREME TRAUMA, THE LOSS IS NOT LIMITED TO JUST THE CHILDREN BUT THE ENTIRE WAY OF LIFE ONE HAS KNOWN AND IT IS PARALYZING FOR A LONG TIME; AND UNDERSTANABLY SO. HOWEVER, AFTER THE INITIAL EARLY STAGES OF THIS NEW AND EMPTY LIFE AS A CHILDLESS PARENT; MANY PEOPLE FAIL TO RECOGNIZE THAT THEY MAY BE ADDING SALT TO THEIR OWN WOUNDS WITHOUT EVEN REALIZING THAT THEY ARE DOING SO. ONCE A PARENT HAS BECOME AWARE OF WHAT HAS ACTUALLY OCCURRED TO THEM AND THAT THEY ARE AMONG MANY OTHER PARENTS WHO HAVE SUFFERED THE SAME OR SIMILAR TRAUMA; THEY ARE RELEIVED TO KNOW THAT THEY ARE NOT ALONE BUT ALSO ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED WHEN THEY REALIZE WHAT HAS TRULY OCCURRED. SOME ADJUST AND ADAPT TO THIS AND OTHERS FEED THEIR PAIN AND NEGATIVITY OR FUEL AND PROLONG THEIR OWN AGONY IN MANY WAYS THUS ALLOWING THEM TO REMAIN IN A CONSTANT CYCLE OF ANGUISH, NEVER ALLOWING THEMSELVES ANY OPPORTUNITY FOR SELF FULL-FILLMENT OR FORWARD THINKING PATTERNS THAT CAN EMPOWER THEM. ARE YOU ONE OF THESE PEOPLE? THIS PERSON SPENDS FAR TOO MUCH TIME IN ONLINE SUPPORT GROUPS AND TEND TO STEAR THE CONVERSTATIONS OR DIRVERT THE ATTENTION BACK TO THEIR OWN CIRCUMSTANCES RATHER THAN PUTTING THEIR SITUATION ASIDE AND PERHAPS TAKING THE TIME TO CONSIDER WHAT THE OTHER PERSON IS OFFERING IN WHAT IS SHARED. AS A RESULT, THIS PERSON IS CONSTANTLY RELIVING THEIR NIGHTMARE OVER AND OVER AGAIN IN THEIR MIND AND IT IS CONSTANTLY BEING RE-STIMULATED. THEY POST ABOUT THEIR SITUATION IN GREAT DETAIL ALL OF THE TIME AND DON’T OFFER POSITVE THOUGHTS TO ANOTHER SUFFERING PARENT. WHEN THIS BECOMES HABITUAL, THEY BEGIN FEELING IGNORED AND ISOLATED. WHEN OTHER PARENTS ARE SHARING THEIR PAIN THEY DON’T NEED TO BE BARRAGED WITH LENTHY “I”; “ME”; “MY CASE IS WORSE” STATEMENTS TO A QUESTION OR POSTING TO VENT THEIR FEELINGS. SO THIS KIND OF IMPUT CAUSES FUTHER ALIENATION FROM THOSE IN SIMILAR SITUATIONS AND THE HELP AND SUPPORT THAT PERSON IS SEEKING IS OFTEN REPLACED BY FEELINGS OF BEING VICTIMZED BY A GROUP OR PICKED ON. IN TRUTH; THEY ARE DOING THIS TO THEMSELVES BECAUSE THEY ARE INADVERTENTLY MAKING A STANCE THAT THEIR SUFFERING IS MORE THAN SOMONE ELSE’S. ONE CAN NOT EXPECT OTHER’S TO OFFER CONSOLATION OR EMPATHY IF THEY ARE INCAPABLE OR UNWILLING TO SELF REFLECT INTO THEIR OWN INSENSITVITY TO OTHER’S. THIS PERSON ASLO DOES NOT LIKE WHEN SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN DEALING WITH THE ISSUE OF P.A. (PERSONALLY, PROFESSIONALLY OR BOTH) AND HAS FAR MORE UNDERSTANDING AND SELF EDUCATION ON THE SUBJECT (IN MOST CASES FROM THEIR OWN LONG AND ARDUOUS JOURNEY THOUGH P.A.; LEARNED THOUGH YEARS OF PAIN AND SUFFERING) OFFERS SOLID AND VALUABLE SUGGESTIONS TO THEM THAT DO NOT SATISFY WHAT THEY WANT TO HEAR, AS OPPOSED TO WHAT THEY NEED TO KNOW AND UNDERSTAND TO REACH AN EMOTIONALLY HEALTHIER PLACE. THEY REFUSE TO RECOGNIZE THAT PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN REUNITED WITH THEIR CHILDREN ALSO SUFFERD OFTEN YEARS OF ALEIANTION PRIOR TO RE-UNIFICATION THERE IS STILL DAMAGE THAT WILL NEVER FULLY HEAL AND THAT IT IS A LONG PROCESS AS WELL. THEY SEE THE” RE-UNITED PAREN”T AS ONE WHO IS GLOATNG RATHER THAN ONE WHO HAS BEEN IN THEIR SHOES AND HAS MUCH TO OFFER. THIS PERSON DOES VERY LITTLE RESEARCH OF THEIR OWN, AND TENDS TO STICK TOWARD SIMILAR PERSONALITY TYPES THAT ARE CLOSED MINDED OR SHARE IN CONTSTANT PITTY PARTYING AND CIRCULAR THINKING PATTERNS RATHER THAN OPENING THEIR MINDS TO ALL INFORMATION AND APPLYING IT TO THEIR OWN CIRCUMSTANCES. THIS PERSON IS EASILY UPSET BY WELL MEANING PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOT SUFFERED THE TRAUMA OF P.A. AND LOSE FRIENDS AND NEEDED SUPPORT BECAUSE THEY ARE ANGRY AT THE WRONG PEOPLE WHO HAVE TOLD THEM TO “GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON” AND THIS IS COMMON; HOWEVER IT IS NOT USUALLY MEANT TO MINIMIZE THE PAIN AND LOSS THAT IS BEING FELT. IN DAY TO DAY INTERACTION WITH FRIENDS, FAMILY, NEIGHBORS, PEERS, CO-WORKERS THE FACT THAT THEY ARE SUFFERING FROM PARENTAL ALIENATION IS ALWAYS BROUGHT UP; EVEN WHEN IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE DISCUSSION AT A HAND; THUS NOT ONLY CONSTANTLY RELIVING IT IN THEIR SOCIAL LIVES OUTSIDE OF THE P.A. ARENA . BY NOT REALIZING THAT THOSE CLOSE TO THEM ALREADY KNOW AND ARE AWARE AND ALTHOUGH THEY MAY NOT UNDERSTAND BUT MOST OFTEN DO CARE AND WOULD LIKE THIS PERSON TO BE ABLE TO JUST ENGAGE IN A DIFFERENT TOPIC ON OCCASION THAT DOES NOT INCLUDE THEIR STORY AND PAIN OF P.A. ON A CONSTANT BASIS. THIS PERSON FAILS TO RECOGNIZE THAT THE PERSON WHO STATES THIS HAS BEEN OBSERVING THIS PATTERN, SEES THAT IT IS DETREMENTAL AND EXPRESSES IT FOR THE BENEFIT OF THIS PERSON BECAUSE THEY DON’T WANT TO SEE THEM DROWNING IN THEIR SORROWS DAY IN AND DAY OUT. WHEN CONFROTED BY THIS; THIS PERSON TAKES MUCH OFFENSE, OFTEN MORE THAN SHOULD BE TAKEN AND THIS AGAIN LEADS TO FUTHER FEELING OF ANGER, RESENTMENT AND ISOLATION BECAUSE THEY TEND TO LASH OUT AND FRANKLY NO ONE WANTS TO BE SUBJECTED TO THAT. THEY FEEL LONELIER AND LONELIER AND THESE FEELINGS HAVE BEEN SELF INFLICTED BY THEIR INABILITY TO RECOGNIZE THEIR OWN BEHAVIORAL PATTERNS AND HOW THEY ARE CAUSING THEMSELVES MORE PAIN AND SUFFERING BY BLAMING OTHERS FOR WHAT THEY HAVE ESSENTIALLY CAUSED. THIS PERSON WILL LATCH ON TO A SET OF IDEALS, LITERATURE OR PEOPLE WHO ARE OFTEN NOT WELL MEANING AND FIND THEMSELVES IN A BAND WAGON MENTALITY THAT KEEPS THEM FROM BREAKING FREE TO PROCESS THEIR OWN NEEDS AND FEELINGS. THIS PERSON MAY BE ENGAGING IN SELF- ALIENATING BEHAVIORS AND WILL NOT EVEN ENTERTAIN THE IDEA THAT THEY COULD BE CAUSING SOME SMALL PART OF THEIR OWN CIRCUMSTANCES. THEY MOST CERTAINLY WILL NOT ENTERTAIN THE IDEA THAT PERHAPS THEIR CHILD DOES NOT DESIRE TO LIVE WITH THEM OR VISIT AS FREQUENTLY AS A RESULT OF SOMETHING THEY MAY OR MAY NOT BE DOING WITHOUT REALIZING IT. THIS PERSON WILL CONTINUE TO REMAIN THE “VITIM” AND DESIRE TO MAINTIAN THEIR STATUS AS SUCH. IN MANY CASES THEY TEND TO BE VERY CONFROTATIONAL WITH THOSE WHO TRY TO LEAD THEM AWAY FROM THAT MIND SET AND STEER THEM TOWARD INDEPENDENCE FROM THAT NEGATIVE PATTERN OF THINKING OR PERSONAL GROWTH. THIS PERSON WILL BE UNSUCCESSFUL IN THEIR EFFORTS TO MAINTIAN HEALTHY CONTACT WITH THEIR CHILDREN BECAUSE THEY ARE SO CONSUMED WITH THEIR OWN GREIF THAT THEY FAIL TO RECOGNIZE THAT THEY ARE INADVERTENTLY IGNORING THE EMOTIONAL NEEDS OF THEIR CHILD/CHILDREN OR SIGNS THAT THEY ARE NOT PROMOTING THE ONCE HEALTHY AND LOVING RELATIONSHIP THAT THE CHILD/CHILDREN ARE ACCUSTOMED TO AND DESPARATELY NEED BUT RATHER ALLOWING THEIR ANGER, FRUSTRATION, AND SADNESS TO BE SENSED AND PROJECTED ONTO THE CHILD/CHIDREN. THIS PERSON WILL TEND TO SPEND TIME DWELLING ON THINGS THAT CANNOT BE CHANGED AND ENABLING THE ALIENATOR TO MAINTAIN FAR MORE CONTROL OVER THEM AND THE SITUATION DESPITE THE FACT THAT THEY ARE AWARE OF THE BEHAVIOR PATTERNS OF AN ALIENATOR. THEY ARE UNABLE TO STOP THEMSELFVES FROM FEEDING INTO THE GAME THAT THE ALIENATOR IS PLAYING AND DO NOT MAKE A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO LEARN HOW TO CREATE HEALTHY BOUNDARIES THAT CAN ASSIST THEM IN TAKING BACK SOME CONTROL OVER THEIR OWN LIVES. INSTEAD THEY ARE ESTENTIALLY CONSTANTLY GIVING THE ALIENATOR MORE AMMUNITION TO CONTINUE THE ABUSE THAT NOT ONLY IS AFFECTING THEM BUT THE CHILD/CHILDREN AS WELL. LAST BUT NOT LEAST THIS PERSON WILL CONSTANTLY PROCLAIM THAT IT IS ALL ABOUT HIS/HER CHILDREN AND STAND STONG ABOUT THE EMOTIONAL ABUSE THAT HAS BEEN INFLICTED UPON THE CHILD/CHILDREN HOWEVER, THIS PERSON IS REALLY IS FAR MORE FOCUSED ON THEIR OWN SUFFERING AND MISERY. THEY ALSO TEND TO SHOW HATRED TO THE OPPOSITE GENDER AS A WHOLE RATHER THAN DIRECTING THE ANGER AT THE PERSON OR PARENT WHO HAS INFLICTED THE ACTUAL DAMAGE. ALL OF THESE BEHAVIOR PATTERNS ARE NORMAL TO SOME EXTENT IN THE EARLY ONSET OF P.A. OR WHEN IT HAS ESCALATED. HOWEVER PEOPLE WHO MAINTAIN THIS NEGATIVE CIRCULAR PATTERN OF THINKING AND SELF PITTING FOR EXTENDED PERIODS OF TIME WILL HAVE DIFFICULTIES IN MAINTIANING ANY HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS WITH FAMILY, FRIEND AND FUTURE PARTNERS AS WELL AS THEIR ALIENATED CHILDREN. THEY WILL HAVE LOW SUCCES RATES AT MOVING INTO A HEALTHY EMOTIONAL STATE AND UNLESS THEY TAKE PROACTIVE STEPS TO CHANGE THEIR THOUGHTS AND MOTIVATION; FORWARD LIVING AS A FUCNTIONING ALIENATED PARENT WILL CONTINUE TO BE A GIANT HURDLE AND THE CONSEQUENCES TO THE CHILD/CHILDREN IMMESURABLE. S. LOMBARD-ELMORE ©
Posted on: Sat, 28 Sep 2013 20:52:59 +0000