THE SANTABATTICAL, Day 4: No Day Is Ever Dull When Youre A Christmas Legend The sun was shining mightily outside, yet I remained in my humble accomodations, consuming Power Bars and typing up the previous days events: I had discovered that I lacked sufficient towels, and was going to also look into acquiring a better shower head for my room. I was unsure how far it would be by bus to do a trip to Goodwill, so I contacted my driver Lonnie to see what his schedule was. He said that he and the missus were coming into town to do some errands, and that they would happily drop by a spare towel and some laundry soap for me (besides, he had to prove to his wife that he was indeed driving for Santa Claus.) They arrived, and after pleasantries (and toiletries)were exchanged, they offered to drop me off early at work (which would give me better internet time and reading time). We were nearly ready to leave, when one of the tenants above me beckoned me over to speak with her; at first, I thought perhaps she wanted to have a selfie taken (I get that a LOT - which will be no surprise to anyone), but instead, she had a special request: she needed to put the Fear of the Kringle into her two unruly little children. She informed me that her little ones were being very disobedient and outright mean to her - especially in front of her new boyfriend (who, Im told, was crazy about them), and would I please come and assure them that I would NOT be coming to visit if they didnt behave? At this point, I want to stress that while Santa has been used for a very long time as a means to remind children to toe the line, I prefer to think of Santa as a man who will strive to remind children the rewards of good behaviour, not the punishments of being miscreants - thats why the Krampus exists, after all! I agreed to come and have a chat with them - despite the fact that I wasnt in my business suit; I was decked in my red slacks and frilly pirate shirt, with my grandfathers red tam atop my head, bedecked with a beautiful wreath pin. It wasnt really Santa, but it was Santa enough. I walked up the stairs, and entered their apartment; the first noticeable thing was that they were living in cramped quarters, and the children had indeed made a mess - my shoes crunched onto some colorful cereal that had been strewn about the rug. It was a cute pair of children - ages like 6 and 4, I believe; the 6-year-old had cute freckles and a broken smile (he had clearly had a recent visit from my friend the Tooth Fairy), and the 4-year-old was very reminiscent of Cindy Lou Who, with her broad face and wide blue eyes. The look on their faces was a blend of awe and anxiousness - they clearly thought that they were going to be in Big Trouble. Their mother had assured them that Santa wouldnt stop by since they didnt have a tree, and she had no intention of putting one up if they continued their rampage. -I decided a different tactic was in order. I sat down on their couch, with the children next to me, and we discussed what it meant to be good: to listen and obey your parents, to tidy up your own messes, to not fight with one another, to offer help freely, and to tell each other I love you. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw their mother recording the whole thing on her phone, with tears held back and shining in her eyes. I continued to explain that I came out into the world to encourage children to be good, not to punish them, and that there was still time for them to have a change of heart. I then went on to explain that the TREE was not as important as theyd thought; I visit many, many children who dont have trees - its about the gifts left (after all, I started out by throwing silver through a window, so the story goes...no trees in sight.) I gave them a reassuring hug, and went on my way, with a wink to their mother for reassurance. (of course, now that I knew they lived directly above me, I will need to be more stealthy on my exits; no need for knocks on the door with awkward questions.) Lonnie and his wife dropped me off at work with 90 minutes to spare; I spent some of that time chatting with some of the staff (and there are a LOT of them.) I went up, and did my shift without too many notable events - until they brought someone in through the exit SPECIFICALLY to see me - an old friend from my camp counselor days, whom I havent seen personally since about 1986 or so. She was in town, had been following my blog, and was in town for an event with her daughter! A pleasant surprise, indeed. (Right after my shift had ended, they had made it back for a photo, and I had remained in suit for this contingency.) After work, I devoured one of the Subway sandwiches they had procured for all of us down in the green room, read a little more, then noted the time - I had a half hour to get to the MGM to get my seat for the comedy show! Fortunately, it wasnt too far, and cabs werent as expensive for such a short trip. My driver this time was from Iran, and he recognized me instantly as Santa Claus. He inundated me with questions about the origin of Santa, all the while dodging frantically between all the other taxis and roving billboard trucks that had recently infested the streets of the Strip. We talked about how Christmas, along with all the other parallel holidays that time of year, shared a commonality - the harshness of winter will often bring out the best in Mankind - not Christians specifically - MANKIND. We chatted a bit about this, and he asked me if there were any good books about this subject; I confessed that I had read neither the Bible nor the Koran completely, but he reiterated that it wasnt religion he sought to explore - it was KINDNESS. I confessed that I was stumped for any good books (anyone feel free to chime in below.), and by then I was at my destination.... I entered the lobby, dog-legged to the right and went downstairs to Brad Garretts Comedy Club; the manager, Paul, had been expecting me and cheerfully seated me up in the third row, right in front of a column, so I blocked nobodys view with my height. My waitress came around promptly and I ordered a wine spritzer for an initial drink. I must confess that every single waitress was stunning, and they bared an AWFUL lot of cleavage - one might say scenically. I had another single man join me, one of the people who sells the tickets to the show - he had no date, either, so we sat together and enjoyed the show (and the fun I had with the people around me.) Two couples from Texas had sat down in front of me, and they took a group selfie, and I just couldnt resist - I Santa-bombed them! They were so pleased, that they bought me a drink, and we had fun banter until the show started. Brad Garrett is a funny, funny man with a fantastic (although pretty blue) routine that is reminiscent of Don Rickles in some ways - politically incorrect, but very funny; and that suited me just fine. His other comics were Michael Malone and Cowboy Bill Martin (the rodeo was in town, after all). All in all, a very funny show. Afterwards, Paul brought me back to get a picture with Brad, and it turned into me hanging out with all of them, singing songs to them, telling stories and getting pictures of this giant man sitting on my lap. It was a real pleasure to entertain the entertainers - nice to know I still got it! Brad was kind and warm, gave me some of his signature popcorn and two signed hats - one for me, and one for my sister, whos a great fan. In order to get back to the bus line, I had to walk through the entire casino - which was vast. I gave out hugs and high-fives, posed for a couple of pictures, and turned heads everywhere I went (so THIS is what its like to be a celebrity!) The bus ride home was crowded, and long, but I stumbled home and zonked out shortly after midnight. Yes, its true - for Santa, no day is ever truly dull.
Posted on: Sun, 14 Dec 2014 20:49:37 +0000
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