THE SELFISHNESS IN US –By Maiwada Dammalam I think they are selfish for just one reason, that we fail to see the selfishness in us when judging them. We expect love from them when we are thrifty with ours. We want care from them when we are too busy (read selfish) to care for them. We expect much while giving little. The only reason we cant live with or without them is because we abhor the emotional liability of caring for them. We are busy anticipating love and care without giving any. Women, just like an ATM machine gives an insufficient funds response when we demand for more than we put. The selfishness in us would not let us get angry with an ATM machine though. We judge them even when we lack the moral uprightness as well as justification to do so. Why judge when you are facing equity with soiled hands. They are lazy because they dont make our beds properly. They are lousy because they dont cook our foods to our satisfaction. The look horrible because they dont dress properly. They are not fun to be with because they are too demanding. But ask yourself, who is lazier between the one who messed up the bed and left it without a care waiting for somebody to clean his mess even when that person is his partner not a slave. It is only you who knows what taste u need in your pudding. Try getting into the kitchen to do it yourself. You can hardly cook tea without burning it, yet you are always complaining about her dishes which, by the way are made with just what your meagre chefane can make. Yes! She dont look fashionable. So what! Have you provided the accessories? When last did u take her to a boutique or to her tailor? Ok, last Sallah! But you are angry that shes not a Beyonce or Naomi Campbell. Haba! Simple selection of atamfa is restricted to your taste. She dont make any input in what she thinks would make her look good, but she bears your complain of looking lousy with your choice with patience and dignity. Of course she is demanding. Try providing all she needs and see if she would demand. She isnt a beggar, it is your thriftiness that is turning her into one. If you want heaven (emotional of course) from her, first create a paradise for her. For a change, lets search for our faults before hanging them. Remember, comfort and happiness in any relationship is a two way traffic. Allah (swt) says: And among His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find comfort and repose in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect.” (30:21). If you fail to see this comfort, then certainly you are searching with the wrong approach. Abu Huraira narrated that Nabee Muhammad (saw) said: “The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition and the best of you are those who are best to their wives.”(Tirmidhi) The Holy Quran makes no distinction between man and woman as regards to the fundamental human rights. A woman, just like man, is the possessor of free personality, and enjoys equality with man, in respect of: Her spiritual and moral status: The Quran says: “…Unto men the benefit of what they earn (of virtue) and unto women the benefit of what they earn (of virtue)” (Surah al-Nisa : 32) Her legal rights: The Quran says: “…And they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them, according to what is equitable…” (Surah al-Baqarah : 228) It is erroneous for us to ascribe some kind of manufacturing deformity to women just because in our haste and greed we fail fail to discover their wonderful potentials. Allahs creation are flawless and perfect. We only need to come down our high horses to find that they are mates not slaves. The status of Muslim women as defined in Islam is very important because women make up half of society and they are responsible for nurturing, guidance and reformation of the subsequent generations of men and women. It is the female who imbues principles and faith into the souls of the nation. Indeed, the Muslim woman is the initial teacher in building a righteous society. Islam brought a new lease of life to women. Islam elevated the status of women to great heights so high that she stood shoulder to shoulder with man. In the Islamic family, the role of men and women is complementary rather than competitive. Their duties are described as equal in importance but not identical in substance. Any other perception is a creation of our delusion and may be regarded as the root cause of most frictions between couples. May Allah (swt) give us the wisdom to see and do the right things. Allah (swt) knows best
Posted on: Mon, 04 Nov 2013 08:15:53 +0000
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