THE THIRD AGREEMENT Do not make assumptions The Third Agreement is to not make assumptions. We tend to make assumptions about everything. The problem is that in doing so, we believe that what we assume is true. Would swear its real. We make assumptions about what others do or think -we take it personally-and then blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our words. This is why whenever we make assumptions, we seek problems. We make an assumption, understand things wrong, we take personally and just making a big drama for nothing. All the sadness and drama youve experienced were rooted in the assumptions made and the things you took personally. Give yourself a moment to consider the truth of this statement. The whole question of dominance between humans revolves around assumptions and taking things personally. All our dream of Hell is based on it. We produce a lot of emotional poison making assumptions and tomándonoslas personally because, usually, we began to gossip from our assumptions. Remember that gossiping is the way we communicate and send poison to each other in the dream of Hell. As we are afraid to ask for clarification, make assumptions and believe to be true; then defend them and try it for something that is not right. It is always better to ask than make an assumption, because assumptions create suffering. The great mitote of the human mind creates a huge mess that leads us to interpret and understand all things evil. We only see what we see and hear what we hear. We do not see things as they are. We tend to dream without relying on reality. Literally invent things in our imagination. As we do not understand something, we make an assumption about its meaning, and when the truth comes, our dream bubble bursts and discovered it was not at all what we thought. An example: You walk along the promenade and see someone you like. He turns to you, smiles and then walks away. Only this experience you can make many assumptions. With them you can create a fantasy. And you really want to believe you and turn fantasy into reality. You begin to create a complete sleep from your assumptions, and can you believe it: He really liked. From this, in your mind a whole relationship begins. Perhaps, in your fantasy world, until you get to marry that person. But the fantasy is in your mind, in your personal dream. Making assumptions in our relationships means for trouble. Often, we assume that our partner knows what we think and you do not need us to tell you what we want. We assume that what we do because we know very well. If you do not do what we should do, we feel really hurt and say, You should have known. Another example: You decide to get married and expect your partner sees marriage in the same way as you. Then, to live together, you discover its not. This creates many conflicts; however, you try to clarify your feelings about marriage. The husband comes home from work. She is furious and the husband does not know why. Maybe its because the woman made an assumption. Do not tell her husband what he wants because he assumes that he knows so well already know, as if he could read her mind. He is upset because he did not meet your expectations. Making assumptions in relationships leads to many disputes, difficulties and misunderstandings with people who supposedly love. In any relationship, we can assume that others know what you think and you do not need to say what we want. They will do whatever we want because we know very well. If they do not, if we do not do what they should do, we feel hurt and think, How could he do that? I should have known. We assume that the other person knows what we want. We create a complete drama because we make this assumption and then add more on top of it. The workings of the human mind is very interesting. We need to justify, explain and understand everything to feel safe. We have millions of questions that need answer because there are many things that the rational mind can not explain. No matter if the answer is correct or not; alone will be enough to make us feel safe. This is the reason why we make assumptions. If others tell us something, we make assumptions, and if they say nothing, do also to satisfy our need to know and replace the need to communicate. Even if we hear something and do not understand, we make assumptions about what it means, then, believe in them. We make all kinds of assumptions because we have not the courage to ask. Most of the time, our assumptions do very quickly and in a manner unconscious, because we have established agreements to communicate this way. We agreed that asking questions is dangerous, and people who love we should know what we want or how we feel. When we believe something, we assume that we are right to the point of destroying our relationships to defend our position. We assume that everyone sees life just like us. We assume that others think, feel, judge and mistreat as we do. This is the biggest assumption we can do, and is the reason why we are afraid to be ourselves before others, because we believe that judge us, we become their victims, they mistreat and blame us as we ourselves do. So, even before others have a chance to reject us, we have already rejected ourselves. Heres how the human mind works. We also make assumptions about ourselves, and this creates many internal conflicts. For example, suppose you are able to do something, and then you find out youre not. You overestimate or underestimate yourself you because you have not taken the time to ask you questions and contestártelas. Maybe you need more information about a particular situation. Or maybe you need to stop lying to yourself about what you really want. Often when you start a relationship with someone you like, you have to justify why you like. You see only what you want to see and deny that some aspects of that person you dislike. You lie to yourself for the sole purpose of feeling youre right. After you make assumptions, and one of them is: My love will change this person. But it is not true. Your love will not change anyone. If people change is because they want to change, because you can not change them. Then something between you two and you feel hurt occurs. Suddenly, you see what you did not want to see before, only now amplified by your emotional poison. Now you have to justify your emotional pain and blame your decisions to others. No need to justify them love; is present or not. True love is accepting others as they are without trying to change them. If we try to change means that, in reality, we do not like. Of course, if you live with someone, if you run this agreement will always be better than that person is exactly how you want it. Find someone who does not have to change at all. It is much easier to find someone who either like you want it, you try to change a person. Moreover, that someone should love you as you are to avoid having to make change at all. If other people think you have to change, that means you actually do not love you as you are. And why be with someone if you are not as you want it to be? We must be who we are, so we need not present a false image. If you love me as I am, well, take me. If you do not love me as I am, well, goodbye. Go find another. It may sound harsh, but this type of communication means that personal agreements we have with others are clear and clean. Imagine just the day you stop assuming things about your partner, and eventually anyone else in your life. Your way of communicating your relationships will change completely and no longer suffer more because of conflicts created by mistaken assumptions. The way to avoid assumptions is ask. Make sure you are clear things. If you do not understand any, have the courage to ask to clarify everything, and even then, do not assume you know everything about that situation. Once you hear the answer, you will not make assumptions because you will know the truth. Also, find your voice to ask what you want. Everyone is entitled to an answer yes or no, but you always have the right to ask. Similarly, everyone has the right to ask and you have the right of reply yes or no. If you do not understand something, instead of making an assumption, it is better to ask and be clear. The day you stop making assumptions, you will communicate with skill and clarity, free of emotional poison. When not make assumptions, your words will become clean. With clear communication, all your relationships will change, not just the one you have with your partner, but also all others. Need not make assumptions because everything becomes clear. This is what I want, and this is what you want. If we communicate in this way, our words will become clean. If all human beings were capable of communicating in this way, with the impeccability of our words, there would be no wars, no violence or disputes. If only we were able to have a good, clear communication, all our problems would be solved. This, then, the Third Agreement: Thou shalt not make assumptions. It is easy to say, but I understand that doing so is difficult. It is because, very often, making us the exact opposite. We have all these habits and routines which are not even aware. Become aware of those habits and understand the importance of this agreement is the first step, but not enough. The idea or information is only a seed in the mind. What will really make a difference is action. Acting and again strengthens your will, nourishes the seed and lays a solid foundation for the new habit to develop. After many repetitions, these new agreements will become part of yourself and see how the magic of your words will make sure to be a black magician to become a white magician. A white magician uses words to create, giving, sharing and loving. If you make a habit of this agreement completely transform your life. When you transform your whole dream, magic happens in your life. What you need comes to you easily because the spirit moves freely in you. This is the mastery of intent, spirit, love, gratitude and life. This is the goal of the Toltec. This is the path to personal freedom.
Posted on: Thu, 15 Jan 2015 06:52:24 +0000
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