THEY CALL HER THE STRANGLER Sometimes the best thing you can do is remove yourself from a situation... Go Amber! Youre the one causing problems. Everything was fine until you came along... Im sure that Im not the only one thats been there, at that spot in life when you realize that you ARE the problem. My ego tried to argue, but no, the problem here is me. Im just going to keep this to myself... I dont want any drama... Life is drama. People need to realize that because Im tired of apologizing for it. Id be a drama queen if it paid well and Hollywood is proof that it does. Ive been trying to fight a system that I should have working for me. You want drama... let me show you a little something... something. Drama is just fine with me. What I cant stand are people who cause problems needlessly, and endlessly. There are people out there who create chaos simply because that cant find contentment within themselves. I stare at myself in full reflection, often, maybe more than I should, asking myself. Are you creating problems for yourself? The answer to that question is yes and no. I would word it differently. For the record and to be clear... I am not content. I ask myself if that will ever change and at this stage of wisdom, I cant rightly say that I know for sure. I may feel unfulfilled forever. Perhaps that angst is nothing more than a desire to grow. Maybe that emotional experience is what growth feels like... I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I do know that I want and crave order and peace. I can have that amidst discontentment, just as I can be happy the same way. I know bliss. Sometimes I laugh so hard that tears run down my leg. Bliss is incontinence: I am incontinentaly happy and sometimes life hands us circumstances that just feel shitty. Then there are those rare occasions when you find a diamond ring stuffed in the middle of it. A diamond in poop? Yes, believe me. This life makes everything happen. Expect it. My daughter Sapphire is the wisdom my years reach back to. She told me that I will have everything I want in life if I just relax. People die from stress mom and its everywhere. Find every reason to be happy. Youll live longer and enjoy every moment. I took her advice. I took her advice until I stumbled on a problem, something that wasnt making me happy, something I needed fixed. I tried to fix it, thinking that I could, but it was impossible. The situation was even more dire because it was not something I was willing to do without and yet... I strangled if from all sides of reason then. Trying to coax some sort of compromise, a solution of in-between: compliance, agreement. It was wall. An impasse. I looked at the problem figuring out all of the angles of the equation only to come up with infinity. There could be no win. Unhappy was still a choice. One wall is not four, not a cage when life is open. Peace is open. I am open to change. My tight fist... my tight fist is making it hard to breathe.
Posted on: Thu, 25 Sep 2014 17:02:02 +0000
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