TITLE: Thug Life EPISODE: 19 & 20 Flow, since Kareem na your friend, oya come drive this car. I shouted at Flow for the umpteenth time. I was already mad at him for saying I made the decisions that made us as cashless as a man feigning to be a beggar in Abuja. When I had brought the idea, it had seemed like the best idea ever with Flow singing my praise. I had performed a head dance to the tune he was singing. We had our bags packed in the boot of the car while our chicken laps were neatly concealed in our pockets. We were in Lagos and taking chances could land you in hell quicker than a bullet from Boko Haram gun. Just dey drive make I dey direct you. The ever lazy Flow replied me, picking pieces of suya he had bought from an Northerner with his fingers. Instead of spitting out the suya, he was busy consuming it. Who would blame him, I mused, irritated at his action. See, I no want wahala o, make I no go speed pass junction wey we go enter. I screamed at him. I was screaming because our car stereo was at its highest. I was almost becoming deaf but as a practicing big boy, I chillaxed. See as you dey complain like say no be me drive the car the last time wey be say Alhaji give us the car new new. Flow replied, looking at his face in the mirror. That thing na driving them dey call am? You wey nearly end my life I said vividly remembering the beatings I had received that fateful night. If only I could turn back the hands of time. Oya come this side make I collect wheel for your hand. I parked at the side of the road, oblivious of the fact that there was a no parking sign hanging above me. Open the door make you come down na I shouted at Flow. No, make we exchange He replied. Na who go follow under and who go follow up? I asked him. Make we just exchange jor, I look like say I wan gay your nyash? He asked me laughing. Maybe, just maybe, he had foreseen it because as soon as we started the exchange, there was a tap on the glass of the car. We paused, with Flows weight squeezing me, his hand had pressed my balls to the chair and it felt painful. Floww... My voice had reduced to a squeal. You wan kill me? I shouted. Sorry He said curtly and we swapped positions immediately. The tap came again from the drivers side. A shadow had blocked the light. Flow wound the glass which was tinted black down a little bit to hear whatever the person outside was yelling. We are latsma officials and you are under arrest. I was shocked. Arrested for parking a car. Before I could reply the man, think up a defense or make any move, Flow had fired the car up, accelerating outside their grip. He dodged cars like James Bond until we got to the high way. Flow, na who be those people na? I asked a silly question like I was not there when they introduced themselves. Na people wey governor send make them come welcome us He replied. If to say them catch us, we for carry our car bail ourselves. Flow said as he caught me looking confused. It dawned on me that Lagos really had so many things I needed to learn. I leaned back and closed my eyes, thinking of the mansion Flow was driving us to. The same mansion owned by his friend, Kareem. Attai Flow had woken me up with a slight slap on the face. Na your papa face you just slap I said to him gently as I opened my eyes. But na you feel the pain na He countered. Flow always had something to say so I never got to really make him angry with my words. We don reach abeg, stand up He said as he opened the door. I stretched and yawned, smacking my lips in the process. I had inclined the seat so I was seeing only the roof of the car and the sky. I sat up slowly, something I should never had been in a hurry to do. I stared at poverty, poverty stared back at me. Poverty I had left a long time ago had come to make its abode in Lagos. Jesus! I was startled. Flow had slammed the door of the boot shut. I turned to see him making his way to my side. He tapped at the window, then opened the door. We don reach na, abi na here you go sleep? Flow asked. I was really not in a hurry to get down from the car. I was still in luxury and any attempt to bring my leg outside and step it on the ground will backfire me back to poverty. Flow, na wetin be this? I asked, my eyes open and burning with a heating anger. Na where you carry us land after we flex our money Flow said unconcerned. No dey repeat that talk. Na me and you spend the money moreover na you wey carry the money dey gamble self na im make us poor like this. I fired at him. On the first day of our arrival at the hotel, Flow had gone downstairs from our room. He said he needed to drink. He had come back up 15 minutes later to come and break a news to me. He had discovered that Casinos was being operated in the hotel. Attai, me I be poker lord He had said excitedly. You sure, if you no win any money now, you know say we go hear am abi? I had asked him. Alhaji had collected our ATM cards from us so we would spend money judicially. Our cellphones too was swapped to a new one which could only call him and our contact. It had only his number and our contact on the phones. We were big men in a bigger city. No worry, I dey on top of this game He had boasted. I had accompanied him to the casino where a huge chunk of our money was wasted. Flow threw money around and attracted a lot of attention to us. The end result was me sitting down in the car and staring at Flow hard in the face. Oya no vex. We no go too stay here na. We just 3 days to stay and you go enjoy am Flow said trying to sound convincing. I had no option than to step down from the vehicle after all, I was also brought up in a ghetto. I adjusted my cloth, picked up my bag which Flow had dropped in front of me and followed him. He had parked in front of a house that looked like a century old. Water was flowing past it and a long wooden board was laid on it to aid people get in and out of the house. Flow, na which part of Lagos be this self? I asked as we got to the door leading into the compound. Na AJ be this He replied. AJ na person name? I asked confused. No, we dey Ajegunle He replied. I am doomed, I screamed in my head. The same Ajegunle I had been hearing about was going to become my abode for days to come. We crossed the passage into one of the dirtiest compound I had laid my two naked eyes upon. The whole environment looked like a dump site. The compound had 10 rooms facing each other. That is a total of 20 rooms. At the extreme end, a man came out of one of the rooms tying only towel and entered into one of the two rooms that looked detached from the rest. He had a pail with him. I concluded that was the bathroom and toilet. I was really in a ghetto. My mannest man Somebody screamed in a coarse voice. I turned to see a black dude putting on a dirty brown singlet with smiling at us. He was putting on his slippers and at the same time walking towards us. His face looked like a mask, not because it was a mask but because he had cuts and scars everywhere. His teeth appeared to have been re-arranged by a supernatural force. K to the A to the R to the E to the E to the M Flow screamed, performing a funny dance. Ahhhh.... Ore mi, oju we... Weerreee The so-called Kareem shouted. I was left out, my mouth opened wide. I just met a real thug. FLOW: Kareem you say me and Attai go stay for the first junction and you go stay for the other junction I said to Kareem after we left the Paraga joint where we drowned ourselves with Paraga. yes na, abi you dey fear? said Kareem. One funny thing about my friend Kareem was how he walked. Kareems walking step was very funny. He always walked with both fist clung and placed close to his chest. When i asked him why he walked that way, his response was: you no know say i dey set blow incase fight start, so i go fit blow fast-fast. I will not forget the day Kareem fought with another Agbero, the guy beat the living day light out of Kareem that at the end of the fight he kept saying; Flow my eye don comot!! Help me pick my eye!! E dey for ground. And, trust me na!! My response was; where your eye na? I no see am oh!! Abi the guy don carry am go? but u know say this my friend na JJC, him no sabi do the work I told Kareem. ehnn You go teach am na Kareem replied. He meant i should give Attai on the job training. I was a bit scared because unlike the last time i came, i wasnt putting on Agbero Uniform, i was on mufti. Oh yeah!! Are you surprised? Agberos in Lagos have Uniform, they even have association that is recognized by the State Government. The money gotten daily is handed over to the Leader of Agbero in that Area; who will in turn deliver it to the appropriate authorities. Fortunately or unfortunately, Kareem happened to be the Leader in that Area. but Kareem since you be Oga for this place, give one of us your uniform make we wear na I suggested. you no know say our oga kpatakpata for this zone go come? And if him come see say i no wear uniform, i don get wahala be that oh Kareem stated. help us arrange two uniform na, like you take arrange one for me the last time wey i come I said to Kareem and i saw Attai nodded. okay i go try Kareem promised, a promise he never kept. Few minutes later, We were at another Paraga joint, this time not drinking Paraga but Monkey tail. Monkey tail is not a mixture gotten from soaked tails of Monkeys, it is gotten when anything that comes to the mind of the seller is soaked in Ogogoro; sometimes Igboh is soaked in Ogorogo to produce Monkey tail, other times Paw Paw roots are soaked, few a times dried pepper is soaked; little wonder the mixture burns the drinker down to his/her a.ss. Legend has it that Monkey tail is a perfect elixir for waist pain. Kamoru bawo ni, shey ejii dada? Kareem shook hands with a guy that came to seat with us, the guy was putting on Agbero uniform. Then two other Agbero came, and we left for our duty posts after recieving instructions from Kareem our Boss. I was very tipsy. I saw Vehicles as Trees and Humans as Horses. Attai na only me and you dey here, how this job be be say we go dey stop buses wey carry passengers, na 50naira we go dey collect for their hand, no dull yourself oh! That was the only instruction i gave Attai, i wished it sank into his very thick skull. 30minutes had gone. Attai was really catching up well with the job, i could tell, maybe it was because he was skunk drunk, or maybe not. Owo da!! I yelled at a bus conductor. staff joko si inu bus!! He replied. Interpret: there is staff in the bus. (Yoruba people pls pardon my spelling. Abi una don forget say na me be IBO BOY WEY LIKE YORUBA?) staff kini? I had totally forgotten that a bus containing staff was free from our extortion. Staff are what Uniform men are called. I glanced into the bus to see two young men on green facecaps and green boots that didnt look to me like Army boots, and since they werent putting on Army uniforms, i said; Boys scout ni jor. Awoah ni oh!! The bus conductor argued. Awoah is the name Soldiers are called by bus conductors. funmi lowo jor, awon Boys scout ni I yelled. Attai block this bus, them no go move, na Boys scout them dey call Awoah I yelled. As obedient as Attai, he did as i instructed. The next thing i heard was; kpooooaaar!! thunder on my cheek, followed by lightening to my eyes. who be Boys scout! I heard with my left ear because my right ear was instantly blocked as a plank landed on it. Awoah make una no vex, i think say una be Boys scout oh They continued beating me. Flow make i go call Kareem come That was the only help Attai could render. go quick oh! Na die i dey so oh! I cried. The Soldiers beat me so mercilessly that i prayed Kareem would quickly come and plead on my behalf. A minute of endless beating had gone. ejor Awoah! I heard Kareem pleaded. na this guy sell fake Gold watch for us that day I heard one of the Soldiers said. no be me oh I said, but as i saw the Soldiers chasing Kareem, it dawned on me i wasnt the one they were referring to. Watchout for episode 20 TITLE: Thug Life EPISODE: 20 I watched on in amusement as Soldiers aka awoah chased Flows friend Kareem around the street. For someone who walks like a programmed robot, Kareems running skills was incredible as he outraned (ask Flow wetin dis one mean) the military men with consummate ease. Flow, our guy sabi... I cut myself short when I realised that the Flow I intended directing my speech to was not on the floor writhing in pain like I had seen him doing moments ago. I looked around, no sign of Flow. Abi he don disappear neh? Flow, where you dey na? I called as I checked round the stalls that lined up the side of the street, hoping to find him lurking among them. Attai! Someone called, no shouted, my name from afar. I looked up to see Flow beckoning to me from the other end of the street. Haha Flow, when did u run reach here? No be you dey hold leg dey cry on the floor now now? I queried when I got to where he stood. You dey craze? U want make I sit down there make those Awoah come bounce on me when them no see Kareem catch? Flow asked in anger as he pressed lips. It wasnt his lips alone that was swollen. His eyes too had geometrically increased in size which made him look like a twin to Segun Arinze. How you take know say them no go catch Kareem? You no see the number of Awoah wey dey pursue am? That one no mean anything na. You don forget say na him dey rule dis place, him go know wetin to do, Flow said. We for meet am at home sef, he added after a momentary pause. Taa! That one no possible, I scoffed. Make we dey go house jor. I no get strength to dey follow you argue, Flow said with the airs of finality. But you get strength to dey sprint from one end of the street to another abi, I said in my mind and yimued to Flow as we trudged towards Kareems slumly residence which, Im sure, will continue to remain our abode until we somehow find a way to beat the extra tight security at the barracks and execute our deal with General Kolawole. *** *** *** *** I got the shocker of my life when we returned to our lodge to find Kareem already in the room. Ok maybe I shouldnt be this shocked because I had been warned by Flow, but I still couldnt believe my eyes. Attai and Flow. Welcome o, Kareem greeted cheerily. Flow replied, I didnt. My mouth was ajar, no agape. How did you do it? I mean how did you escape unscathed? I asked with Queens English rolling out of my open mouth. E surprise you? Well, na Kanako I use, Kareem informed me. Wetin be Kanako? I asked. Emm... Na one kind juju wey you go use increase your running speed sotey nobody go fit catch, he explained. What if the person wey dey chase you be emm... Dis guy... Usain Bolt? I asked, trying to determine the potency of the talisman. E no concern me if e be Usain Bolt or Usain Nut, wetin I know be say I go run pass am. Nawa o. I no believe say things like this really exist before o, I said. Flow and Kareem bursted into laughter simultaneously. You nor believe say Jazz dey? Ok. Oya come make I show you sontin, Kareem said to me. I followed him to the other end of the room where he produced an empty bottle of Udeme from under the bed. He smashed it against the wall and offered me the neck of the bottle. Take! He ordered in that hoarse voice of his. Wetin I go use am do? I asked fearfully. You dey fear? Take it jor! Flow chimed in, trying as usual to make me appear more feeble-minded than him. I reluctantly collected the bottle, before I could say sorry about the delayed update, Kareem grabbed my left hand (I was holding the broken bottle in that hand) and guided it to his stomach. KRRRAN! For a split second, I thought Kareem had used my hand to kill himself, but when I saw that his stomach hadnt been penetrated despite the force he applied, I was wowed. As an agbero, if you no want make dem just waste your life, you must get some of these things for protection, Kareem said frankly. Attai, why you come open mouth like that na? Flow asked a silly question. You nor know say me too get that kain protection. True? Why you no tell me before na? I said, feeling slighted. You know say I no just like to boast about the things I get. Now, that is one big fat lie, the Flow I knew always brag and boast about what he has and what he doesnt have. Oya make I test your own too na, I said as I picked up an Udeme bottle nearby and advanced towards Flow. Yeh! Attai! Na play I dey play o. I no get anything o, Flow screamed at the top of his voice when he realised that I was serious about stabbing him. Fortunately for him, my grip on the bottle wasnt all that tight, so when he kicked my hand, the bottle flew off easily. Flow, you dey craze? No be you talk say... I couldnt complete the statement because of an abnormal sound I heard. GBAAAMM! The bottle landed and crashed on my big head. I fell to the floor instantLy. Kareems erstwhile dark room immediately looked like it had been lighted by a hundred florescent bulbs. Flow suddenly multiplied into ten before my very eyes. Flows... I called all of them. Attai, are you alright? Walahi I... Ayam dead. *** You dey chop yam for dream? Flow asked, his ten eyes opened wide. Na your father give me the yam? I said weakly, then an idea popped into my head, I clutched my chest, shouted and passed out. Yehhh... Kareem, you don kill Attai o I heard the ever shaky voice of Flow. La-ye... Iro ni, na him kill himself Kareem replied in his agbero-laced grammar. Agbero laced is not the name of FLows village, it is a mixture of pidgin and yoruba combined together that is popularly used in the parks of lagos. Oya, wake am up Flow said to him, his voice sounded like a threat to me. I wonder where he had gotten the liver to threaten Kareem seeing that Kareem could outrun officers without being caught. I shook my head silently in my mind. If I no wake am up fa? Kareem replied, his voice obviously raised. I was enjoying the show but I was definitely not going to miss the fight so I just opened my eyes slightly to see Flow had already pulled his shirt. His muscles was pumping together with the artificial ones given to him on his face by the Awoahs aka Awoahson. He looked a mess but I believed in him. Na me you pull shirt for? Kareem screamed, looking at Flow unbelievably like Flow just committed a taboo. Na who you be? Wo fi she ye ni? Flow asked, pushing Kareem on his chest. I cant really imagine two people trying to fight themselves with a dead man in their midst. Touch me again Kareem thundered. His voice had taken a dangerous dimension. I expected Flow to cower but he threw a punch instead at Kareems chest. I quickly bounced on my back to the wall at one part of the room. I wanted them to have enough space to do themselves what ever they deemed fit though I was a bit happy that Flow had stood up for me. Iya la ye e Kareem cursed and tore his shirt. O boy eee I nearly screamed when I saw the muscles that jumped out of his shirt. His arms were as thick as incredible hulk with scars almost everywhere on his chest. The dude had been an agbero for ages. Gbimmmmmmm I did not see the blow leave his hand because it was as fast as lightning but I did see Flow fly in slow motion to the end of the room, hitting the door so hard the whole room shook. I held the urge to urinate on my body. Kareemuuu, no kill person oooo Someone shouted from outside but it seemed Kareems beast mode had been activated as he quickly closed on Flow. Flow had bounced back immediately he had landed on the door and was ducking and jabbing at Kareem. While Flow fought like Bruce Lee, Kareem fought like The Rock. So also was the body weight difference. The fight was really imbalanced. Crackkkkk Flow had landed a clean kick on Kareems head. During our training, we were taught on how to defend ourselves in closed environment since our survival depends on it. The force of the kick sent Kareem to crash on his huge mirror that was held to the wall with the help of a nail. The mirror broke into pieces but not one trace of blood was on Kareems body. Gbosaaaa!!! Kareems hand had broken his wooden door. He had thrown a huge punch aimed at the head of Flow which he had ducked cleanly. I was tired of the fight, someone was going to get killed, and from all perspective, it looked like Flow my friend. I no dey die again ooo I screamed, Kareem had Flow in a death grip. His hand was already round about Flow in a huge bear hug. ********************************************* ***************** Your uniforms are ready, you will find it in the mountainous waste in your area A voice said into the speaker. I paused. Attai, wake up, you dey dream. It was Flow. I opened my eyes to see Flow with his rearranged face, courtesy of Awoah and Kareem. Why you dey talk for your dream na. I opened my mouth to reply, instead a deep cough escaped me. I tried to move but found out I was heavy. My eyes were burning and teary. I felt sick. Watchout for episode 21
Posted on: Tue, 16 Dec 2014 22:34:24 +0000