TREDEGAR HURRICANE APPEAL! A hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter Scale hit Tredegar in the early hours of this morning with its epicentre in Cefn Golau/Attlee Way. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering Faaackinell. The hurricane decimated the area causing almost £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their Giros arrived. Brynmawrs BRFM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Cefn Golau. One resident -Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Osborn, slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Jeremy Kyle the next morning. Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Special Brew to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Argos and Bone China from the Pound shop. HOW CAN YOU HELP? This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include: Fila or Burberry baseball caps Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers) Shell suits (female) White stilettos White sport socks Rigger boots Any other items usually sold in Primark. Food parcels may be harder to come by but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include: Microwave meals Tins of baked beans KFC Ice cream Cans of Special Brew. 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms £2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of nine £5 buys fags and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected. **BREAKING NEWS** Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in tomato ketchup and were worried she had been badly cut... Where are you bleeding from? they asked, Attlee Way said the girl, woss that gotta do wiv you?
Posted on: Sun, 03 Nov 2013 19:04:10 +0000
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