**TRIGGER WARNING** this is my story about depression and self harming, a little suicide in the mix. i was always and i mean always being bullied at school for anything and everything. i didnt have the new and cool clothes, i had long hair that i really enjoyed because i had always let it grow out. i wouldnt let it bother me because we were kids. k-5th grade. teachers and princibles seen me getting picked on and everything but couldnt do anything unless i told them it was happening. mom though i was fine and tey quit because she didnt hear me saying anything and the teachers had not said anything because they htough i had told her. end of the 6th grade year i lost it and broke down. i just couldnt handle it anymore! i wanted to die! i felt alone! like noone cared about me! i was threatening to bring a gun to school and kill everyone, but i oviously didnt, so i began my many failed attempts at suicide. day after day. for weeks. i just couldnt go through with it. so my mom took me to a specialized theripist and i went for about a month or so but felt better so she quit taking me. 8th grade. i was happy and over everything and went back to myself again ... but then my sister died at the age of 9 i completely lost it all and i went straight to suicide again. the day i was going to do it is the day my whole life changed. that day is when i met my best friend Aubrey Rayn Daughtry. i.. fell in love with this girl. it was love at first sight , to this day i am still mad in love with her. she made me want to live! 10th grade. about the same time school starts i get hit with a huge dose of depression but i dont tell anyone. i thought i would have been super happy since i get to see Aubrey once again, but this time the new her, more grown up and such. she makes me super happy. i start into my self harming. i dont want to die and hurt my friends so i figure why not cut? you live and release your pain. win-win. right? WRONG! it made me weak and made me look like i have no self control! and why? i have loving parents! people who care about me! i have no reason to self harm. so i quit... or so i thought. i cut again a few days later and this time it was deeper. more cuts. less pain. i continued to do this but more and more at a time and deeper and deeper. i am of this day i am 3 weeks and 2 days clean! i am still trying to beat my depressions ass but it gets the better of me. i wont cut! but i do get really emotional and cry to sleep some nights. i would talk to friends, family, counslors. i almost forgot to mention. i also get abused by my step father. both verbally and phisicly. i know this isnt one of those super emotional horrible life stories but.. it still shoved me into a deep depression
Posted on: Wed, 29 Oct 2014 20:20:52 +0000
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