TWIN SOULS, TWISTERS AND ANGELIC TRANSFORMATION: I have a twin soul...in fact, Ive had five of them. Confused? So was I. It all began in January this year when I met the Tin Man.* I wasn’t ready for the light and overpowering pull that was my introduction to TM. Those moments expanded into days in a faraway place and I thought I’d never felt happier. It felt as if he was the most beautiful person I’d met in my life. Leave taking came, my heart didn’t quite break but almost, as I cried my way across the desert and the long miles home. So began a turbulent distance connection. The notion of twin souls hadn’t occurred to me until I returned home and then it felt as if every piece fit into place. Months passed, light was shone into dark places for each of us and we played the roles of chaser and runner admirably. There was more painful growth in those months than in many years and I really started to understand the nature of love, of surrender and acceptance. One day he could take the feelings of being unequal to the connection no more and ended things. He said I needed someone who could love me properly, with an open heart. My heart didn’t break then either, it just cracked a little. It hurt. Eventually we re-connected and a friendship allowed an expression for our profound connection. I felt then he was my unawakened, unready twin soul. Life in Oz is challenging as you know, a land epitomised by opportunities to move beyond fear. I worked on understanding myself, growing and getting in touch with my soul’s purpose. My yellow path brought me the Lion one day in a week of improbable events. I hardly took him seriously at all, verbally jousting with him for having the audacity to even try. He was not deterred. As our friendship grew from his perseverance, humour and intelligence, I lightened and loosened. I shed some of the heavy weight from my earlier perceived loss. This Lion seemed to tick all the boxes and for a while, fill every space. I was amazed to feel my heart open again and started to wonder about the nature of our connection. In shortish time, differences in age, culture, religion and more became the expression for his fear and we rode a roller coaster of emotions. His love was easily expressed but the courage to give it wings was absent. It was an excellent painful filter, allowing me to see what lay beneath his often beautiful words. I started to see that what was filling those spaces and ticking the boxes was my desire to have them filled and ticked. When I let go of that I was at first bereft and then I entered a void. It wasn’t as bleak as it sounds as I started to work on some heart rules. No matter the nature of the relationship or which thread of destiny brings us together, it had to work on the ground. Respect, communication, presence and profound love were my heart rules. This was just as well as it would be intensely challenged by the next events. The Scarecrow found me one day and almost annoyed me with his cocky assurance that we were meant to be together. Despite my initial irritation, his stance intrigued me and the what if in me was activated. We played with energy over the ether, a distraction for a time. He had something but relied so heavily on that first assumption that it both hid and stifled the possibility of actual growth. When real life and challenge intruded on the fantasy he retreated. A pin cushion might have been more helpful to process what he couldn’t accept, he preferred to live with illusions. He felt I was his twin but I sensed no such mirroring here. Through most of these exchanges with key characters, I continued down the yellow path. One friend walked with me and seemed to take a considerable interest in my progress. Our friendship deepened and what transpired with him is befitting a whole musical, not just a scene or two. Our connection was spiritual but not exclusively, and he took me on a wild journey. Undoubtedly he was the Wizard in this tale, beautiful, powerful beyond measure. He was also hiding behind an oppressive curtain of fear. No one moved me as he did and I credit him with some profound awakenings. I began to see what we were really sharing and one day, the intrepid in me challenged him with the truth, as I saw it. I felt the depth of what joined us and began to feel he was my twin. My revelations were more than he could take and he retreated behind his curtain, shouting defensively as he went. I came back to those heart rules and they saved me from hanging on to what wasnt right for me. When I landed back in Kansas having come through a hell of a twister, I was not the same girl that left. I hardly had time to hit the ground before the gift of a cactus brought Seraphus to me. He didn’t belong in Oz and our connection went far beyond Kansas. Similar to the Scarecrow, he was fuelled by conviction, the faith that we were united in twinness. I honestly didn’t think I was seeking this but now I question that. We did seem to have a perfect balance, an unlikely yin and yang. Decades of age between us and the fact that he was gay gave things a karmic twist, yet the mutual attraction was undeniable. I speak from the other side of Oz, of twisters and karmic twists, at least for now. Seraphus and I met and transformation close to miraculous illuminated our time together. He has shed so many of his illusions and has opened into the reality of limitless possibility, the truth of who he is. He awakened the goddess and for that I’m thankful. He isn’t my twin. Twin souls, soul mates, soul fragments and families and karmic connections…my head spins. What does it all mean? I know only this. What we put out there comes back to us. The Tin Man ignited something in me, a hot ember of a feeling I think most of us share, namely the yearning for a counterpart - yin desperately seeking yang. As I so often say to people, don’t seek love, seek to remove the obstacles to love within yourself and it will find you. In Jaipur one warm day, a reader of star charts said to me, “You are not for one man but for mankind.” It sounds beautiful, free and unconditional but honestly, I hated his words and to date, it had been the story of my life. I don’t know where this yellow path will take me, nor what characters will walk with me but I do know, I want this to be enough. I’m so grateful for the life I have, the people, experiences and gifts of learning and love that come to me each day. I love the work I do and I feel fully and vibrantly alive. Enough. There is peace in that, I’m sure there can be peace. (* Names have been changed to protect identities, all names are characters from The Wizard of Oz except for Seraphus, who lives outside that sphere.) © Stephanie Marian, Nov. 28, 2014
Posted on: Sat, 29 Nov 2014 02:44:03 +0000
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