Tainted by Aaron Jennings It has been two and a half years since I lost my beloved, and I have never forgotten her. Some days life distracts me enough where she isnt on my mind. Others she is the only thing there. Oh how I miss her so. Many nights I have woken up with the thought that she was next to me. Both of us laughing, smiling cheerfully. But as soon as I awoke my joy would turn to sadness as another night has gone by without her by my side. It still haunts me every day, the sight, the terror, the emotions I felt that fateful day. I wish every day she didnt have to go. But I now must live with this taint. The taint of my final memory that I wish would just go away. Tainted my memories every time I think of her. Sorrow fills my heart as I re-live that memory over and over. I never got to say I love you. I never got to say goodbye. I wasnt able to give one last hug before she left me at her side. I remember now watching as her body went lifeless. I remember feeling her hand as the warmth slowly slipped away. I still feel the tears as they slide down my face, when I realized that moment she was no more. Time passed slowly as I sat there staring at her cold lifeless body. Wondering pondering what to do now, where to go now. I had to get away and so I left. I left to the place where my memory wasnt tainted. I sat in that pub motionless. Taking a sip of the drink brought to me. Questioning on. was there anything I could do? Was this my fault? Why is this happening to me? Endlessly these thoughts revolved in my mind. Each day passed by without purpose. My body going through the motions. I would arrive at the hospital to hold my son for hours sing softly in his ear. Hush little baby dont you cry. Your mother love you and so do I. My memories have been tainted so. My memories of her repeating these very moments. I desperately hope to remember the days filled with joy and happiness. Desperately I hope I will forget this end filled with tears and sadness. But alas my hopes are filled with this taint. Alas each day that goes by is another day that she has been gone. Time will not stop my mind from hoping, and dreaming of waking up with her there by my side. My live goes on, and I move forward. But I will always look back and remember. That very moment when my life became tainted.
Posted on: Fri, 25 Jul 2014 11:49:22 +0000
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