Take every top peeve you have with an average audience when you visit the theatre, and times it by 14! Its such a shame that professional theatre these days has a tendency to go up late. 7 minutes tonight. Not bad. Now does anyone know how long the opening song Tradition is from Fiddler On Th Roof? Because during that tonight, at the Hippodrome, 14 separate parties were escorted in late. 14. I counted. And that was just on our side of the theatre! What is the Hippodromes policy for late comers? Shouldnt they be made to wait? Or better still, shot?? Now if we can get up at 5:30am, me write a script, Lauren get to London for an interview and get back with enough time for us both to get to Brum, have a meal, a drink, get to the theatre, buy a programme, order interval drinks, go to the loo and sit down in our seats well before the scheduled curtain up time - WHAT THE HELL ARE ALL THEIR EXCUSES??? Had Birmingham closed?? No. Of course not. (Not yet, anyway. More of that later) We made it on time. And so did everybody else. From a performers point of view, the rudeness of latecomers, not to mention the distraction, is horrendous. But when its a constant stream of Would you mind? and being ushered to stand whilst a Gestapo torch is beamed into your face - thats unforgivable. Maybe its me. Maybe I shouldnt go to the theatre anymore. But for some reason, tonights audience was above and beyond intolerable. Even Lauren moaned. Now dont get me wrong - I too am a fan of Starsky & Hutch. I too had a shiver of Ooh, its him at the start. But Im sorry - to get a round of applause just for walking onto the stage??? No. (And I got the feeling he was more annoyed about that than me). Say something first. Sing. Dance. Ill applaud that! And of course, Ill applaud when you walk on - AT THE END. Theres an advert on at the moment: You may not have noticed that youve still got that cough... Well, on that basis, the woman sat just down from me definitely has cancer. (And about 20% of the audience too). I think her attempt to open a cough sweet might just have been worse. (But then, the other 80% of the audience seemed to be attacking some sort of snack that the ensuing rustle caused more harmony from us than that on the stage). But oh! The girl who was the fiddler. She was excellent. Sounding. Missed her apparent magical opening because, as she started, the old boy in front of me decided that that was the time to stand up and very slowly remove his coat. His granddaughter kept turning around and glaring at me. I really dont see whats wrong with me barking Sit down! in a commandingly over loud stage whisper that might have had the cast respond. But I digress. Oh, the Fiddler. That magical moment at the end when you were the last thing on the stage, and you looked to the audience kicking your foot out as you played the last note prompting a wonderfully dramatic blackout. Apparently. Sadly, the other guy who stood up to put his coat on provided me with a bizarre silhouette. I think I may have seen your foot? (By the way - he didnt clap you. Hed long gone by the time you took your bow). And on that - if Id come on for a bow to see people leaving, Id have thrown my fiddle at them. How rude! Youve made it that far! Its only a few more minutes!! (Unless you were on a tight time schedule that the 7 minute delay at the start affected?) And ah - the lady behind me! Bless. Loved that throaty giggle whenever Starsky (give me fing strength) said something funny. I only started to glare when she continued to chuckle at TEVYEs (!) line: I have no daughter. You are dead to me . And I really did have to give her a Paddington hard stare when she continued to find the subsequent eviction a moment to giggle at. Heathen. (Loved that she asked So why was there a girl on the roof with a violin? at the end. Dear lord!!) As for the others who decided to provide a running commentary - thanks for being the proverbial icing on the cake. Did you think you were at home watching TV? Judging by the standing ovation from only ladies of a certain age, I think it was clear there may have been a bit of a fan element in tonight? The old boy in a Starsky cardigan and 76 Adidas trainers certainly added the Trekkie mentality to it all. Hey - but good on him. Starsky & Hutch does Fiddler On The Roof. Novel. Unlike the majority who were thinking Ooh, Starskys quite good - I actually was delighted that a cult American actor of the 70s could be so incredibly talented. So I was relieved, yes, but overjoyed to be thinking the more theatrical Wow - Paul Michael Glaser is an amazing actor. Is it me? Do I expect too much from an average British audience? Me, the one who bemoans crisps at the pictures? Me who contemplated murder when a woman asked the stage door chappie: Is Mr. Bean coming out? after a performance of Oliver? Its a shame that the drunk outside the theatre, who was flat on his back flailing his arms about trying to right himself like a turtle, had more dignity and decorum than any of the idiots in the audience, most of whom had pushed us out of the way to get outside first. Show - great. (The bits I saw or heard). Audience - shit. And dont even get me started on leaving Birmingham. Every time - all the roads: shut. Every visit. Is there a curfew?? Or does Birmingham just shut at 9? Hotel friggin California: You can checkout any time you want, but you just cant ever leave. I think Ill save that rant for another time... Bravo, audience. Bravo.
Posted on: Wed, 12 Mar 2014 01:50:22 +0000
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