Team Awesome Movie Night What The Three Musketeers (2011) and Monster Squad (1987) have taught us: 1) Milla Jovovich in a corset is a dangerous foe, just like a mongoose with a minigun 2) Telling someone you love them moments before betraying them is harsh. At least buy them an ice-cream to make up for it. 3) Everyone in 17th century France speaks with an American accent, except the 3 Musketeers who just make it up as they go along. Oh and the Cardinal with a very French name who has a German accent. Because of reasons. 4) Challenging a traffic warden to a fight to the death for issuing you with a parking ticket is a bit of an overreaction. Its like bombing Canada because of Justin Beiber..... actually thats not a bad plan. 5) Not really a learning point from this movie but its reminded me how much I hate James Corden. 6) Queen Anne might have a voice like a squeaky toy but you dont mess with her, you know shes got some mad ninja skills. 7) Sending someone on a suicide mission to break into the Tower of London, fighting past hundreds of armed guards just to steal back someone elses jewellery, in exchange for a snog isnt exactly fair. At least let them have a bit of a grope as well. Just some over the clothes stuff, nothing too full on. 8) Climactic sword fights must always be held in a dangerous and preferably high location. Its a tradition dating back to Arthurian times when Gawain fought the Green Knight, balanced on a seesaw on the top of Scafell Pike. 9) Everyone loves a good swirling vortex of doom. Insert your own joke about people getting sucked off here. 10) Shooting someone and locking them up are not the same thing. You can tell because one of them involves them being shot, the other not so much. 11) Dracula, the wolfman and the mummy walk into a bar leading to a series of unlikely occurrences resulting in a vaguely disappointing outcome for all involved. Also the creature from the Black Lagoon was there but he didnt take part, just observed. 12) Everyone should carry a portable lightning rod with them, just incase you need to wake up Frankensteins Monster in a hurry and cant get access to 7 car batteries. 13) Im willing to put a small amount of money on there being a guy out there whos real surname is Alucard who gets nothing but Dracula jokes every day of his life. That would suck. Get it? Suck..... Because Dracula sucks blood..... Suck..... Ah forget it. 14) Sometimes humans are the real monsters.... But its usually the big slobbery tentacled kind. 15) It doesnt matter if its a big slobbering wolfman whos about to chow down on you, kicking someone in the nards just isnt cool. 16) A letter written in crayon from a small child is guaranteed to get a vast military response. Overkill isnt enough kill.
Posted on: Sat, 31 May 2014 21:56:26 +0000
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