Thanks to everyone who came out and witnessed the shattered pencils and general mayhem of last Thursdays WXPFL Thursday Night Pencil Fights! If you didnt make it, heres what you missed: We saw the return of beloved commentator and WXPFL legend Don Beauty Rumble to the microphone, but WXPFL owner Silas Ticonderoga IV jumped up to let everyone know he didnt like being bumped from his announcer spot. An audience vote soon sent Silas to the locker rooms and Don Rumble was reunited with Prof. Jake Stratton for the nights call! They were soon interrupted by WXPFL Champion Thaddeus P. Skrilla The Hundred Dollar Man and his new unpaid intern Danny! Apparently poor Danny was told he could earn course credit by interning for Skrilla. Skrilla announced that he was the ultimate power player in WXPFL! He holds the WXPFL Championship and the Magic Eraser, the only thing left to solidify his legacy were the Ticonderoga Tag Team titles! He declared Danny the Intern as his tag partner and demanded a title shot that night! Silas Ticonderoga returned to the stage and said Skrilla and Danny could have a title shot if they defeated The Asshole Brothers in a #1 contender tag match! Next up was a match to determine who would face Skrilla next month for the WXPFL title! Two former champions stepped up - The 8-Bit Wonder of the World Super Contra took on the returning High Chief Anakortes Orkas The San Juan Island Savage. The battle was fierce, but the Savage emerged victorious! Your winner and new #1 contender for the WXPFL championship: THE SAN JUAN ISLAND SAVAGE! Next up The Asshole Brothers stormed the stage, ready to take on Skrilla & Danny (aka The Hundred Dollar Team). The Assholes were questioned about the Vagina Sisters, who they claimed were total strangers. This brought out The Vagina Sisters themselves, who not only showed a slideshow proving that the Assholes and Vagina Sisters were married in Vegas back in 1986, but wrecked the Tag Team Contender match, costing the Asshole Brothers yet another victory! They then issued a challenge to the Assholes for a tag match next month! Your winner by disqualification and new #1 contenders for the Tag Team titles: THE HUNDRED DOLLAR TEAM! Next up a brave young man from the audience named Funky Frank Yoshida stepped up to battle, and was dismayed to find his opponent was none other than the evil Betsy Threatsy (currently inhabiting the body of formerly-exuberant cheerleader Penelope Peneston). Frank was game though, and smashed Betsys pencil in short order. He bolted from the stage when Betsy then tried to swap souls with him, then the refs, and announcers, who each dodged her attempts until she gave up and shambled away into the darkness. Still no word from Eberhard Faberius - Pencil Wizard (currently using Betsys original body to gallivant around Europe) about Betsys dangerous body-swapping! Next Ticoderobot v#2 emerged from the locker room, carrying a note sent to him from The Sicilian Simian Gorilla Sammartino. The note was crudely written with a combination of mashed banana and some kind of brown substance. It said that Gorilla had used an experimental growth ray to become 100 stories tall, and Ticonderobot should do the same and step outside for the Rampage Monster Match! So THATS what a Rampage Monster Match is! Soon, we were treated to a holographic view of the city of Seattle, as the now-titanic Ticonderobot and the now-gigantic Gorilla Sammartino began to battle back and forth! Seattle soon paid the price of hosting such a monstrous tussle, as the two gargantuan Gra-Fighters smashed The Emerald City to splinters! Attempts by the Army and Air Force to stop them were quickly rebuffed! Finally Ticonderobot used Starbucks headquarters to pummel Gorilla into unconsciousness and both fighters shrunk back to normal size and returned to the Re-Bar. To everyones surprise, Ticonderobot wrenched a device from Gorillas fur! A mind-control device! Who had implanted it in Gorilla Sammartino? Gorilla recovered and begged Ticonderobot for forgiveness! Fortunately, Ticonderobot is programmed for forgiveness. The two former foes embraced as friends! When the dust settled, we were treated to a visit from The Lethal Lunchlady Edna Coli, who served up some Jell-O to the audience with a disgusting secret ingredient. Before her match with an audience member could begin, Han Sanitizer - Germaphobic Spaceman appeared! He grabbed the mic in a panic and declared that he had returned from the far-flung future where he learned that Edna Coli was The Extinction Event that would ultimately destroy the human race through disease! He said that Edna must be stopped at all costs! Of course this sounded like more of the typical tin-foil-hat nonsense weve heard from Han Sanitizer in the past, and he was sent packing (Just between you and me, many within the WXPFL have raised suspicions that Han isnt even actually from beyond time and space as he claims). In our main event The Hundred Dollar Team returned to the stage for their title shot against current WXPFL Ticonderoga Tag Team Champions Swami Pervii Slurpii and Morty Manischewitz aka Dirty Money. The Hundred Dollar Man berated Danny the Intern and forced him to fight by himself, refusing Dannys attempts to tag. Unfortunately for Thaddeus P. Skrilla, Dannys Gra-Fighting skills were about intern-level, and Skrilla was soon left alone to take on both the Swami and his Attorney by his lonesome. His attempt at dipping led to a penalty strike with the Swamis Cobra Crusher and that was all she wrote for the Hundred Dollar Teams title aspirations! Your winners and still Tag Team Champions: DIRTY MONEY! Next show is Thursday October 16th - our annual pre-Halloween party! Come dressed in costume for reduced admission and be part of our costume contest for prizes! Also find out the answers to these questions: Who put the mind control device on Gorilla Sammartino, forcing him to try to destroy Ticonderobot? Will the Vagina Sisters have the skills to beat The Asshole Brothers in a legit pencil fight? Were they really married to the Asshole Brothers? I mean, why would anybody admit in public they had married those two? Will The Hundred Dollar Man be able to keep his title against The San Juan Island Savage? Is Edna Coli really The Extinction Event or has Han Sanitizer just been inhaling too many chemtrails? Will Betsy Threatsy continue to hop from body to body? Is anybody safe? Will Eberhard Faberius ever return or will we be in the shadow of Betsys dark magic forever? Who will rise to be the next #1 contenders for both the WXPFL Championship and the Ticonderoga Tag Team Championship? SEE YOU ALL OCTOBER 16th at RE-BAR!!
Posted on: Sun, 21 Sep 2014 18:11:51 +0000
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