That feeling when all your insecurities and trust issues snowball up and get hurled at your face... yeah I dont like that.... I just hate the person, that so thoughtlessly caused them, that much more right now. For once I finally started feeling happier than I have in a long time and then I start feeling like this and BOOM! I instantly feel like it is all going to come crumbling down if I simply just take a breath the wrong way. I feel sick to my stomach and my chest feels like its hard to breathe. One part of me wants to just run and secure myself... by myself... away from everything and everyone but a few. The other part of me, wants to hang on and just see what happens. Then the part that wants to run asks And what if we stay and get hurt again? Can we handle this? After everything we have been through can we handle the gambit of emotions and pain yet again? Most days I can silent that side of myself and well... live in the moment I guess. But what happens when living in the moment becomes living in the everyday? The moment you realize that with just a few words, a few actions... all the happiness you have built living in the moment on... can so easily be ripped away. I just wish my head would settle and my nerves would ease. I wish I could stop going through every damn bad scenario in my mind leaving myself expecting the worst and causing myself to reinforce my walls no matter whom tries to climb them. Its the whole Leave before you get hurt or If I end this now, then it wont hurt so bad feelings that I start fighting myself with. I dont want to run, nor do I want to end anything and then again Im scared of the happy feelings welling inside. Happy ends eventually and Im not sure I can take that....
Posted on: Sat, 23 Nov 2013 03:52:10 +0000
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