The Camping Bug (True Story) So finally I make into the tent after a long day of riding and I’m ready for bed. When I hear: Bug: click… click… click…. What is that? Bug: click… click… click… Is that a bug? Weird noise for a bug. It’s really not all that annoying and I’m tired, I just need to ignore it. Bug: click… click… click… You know that REALLY is a strange noise for a bug. Just ignore it. Bug: click… click… click… Hmm… Is that thing in here with me? Crap! Where is my flashlight? Oh, here it is… Searching, searching…. Nope only thing in here with me are two mosquitos. It must be between the rain cover and the tent. Fine… just ignore it. Bug: click… click… Click… CLICK… CLICK CLICK CLICK... OK GAWD DOG IT… I swatted at the tent and gave it a good shake. Listened…. Ahhh, Quietness… OK cool. Now some sleep. Bug: CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK Alright!! This has to stop! I grabbed my flashlight again… I swatted at the tent… WHERE ARE YOU?? I saw an innocent green bug wandering about. I smacked it. It was dazed and I yelled… there! Now go tell your “clicking buddy” he better be quiet or he’s next! I lay back down… listen… ahhh… OK, maybe I got him now. Beautiful, peaceful sleep… Rod: Zzzzzzip; Zzzzzzip; Zzzzzip; Zzzzzip; ZZzzzzzzzzzzzip; ZZZZZZZzzzzziiiipppp Apparently Rod’s tent has many more zippers than does mine. Me: What are you doing? Rod: I have to pee. This is a much bigger project than I planned on. Me: I am fighting a bug and I’m damn close to start shooting… Rod: Well, could you shoot in the other direction. Me: I’ll try, but I can’t make any promises right now. Rod: Great Rod: Zzzip; Zzzzip; Also, apparently, it takes a lot fewer zippers to gain entry than it does to evacuate his tent. OK ... Now after all that maybe? Just maybe? Sshhhhhhh.... Bug: CLICK CLICK CLLLIIIICCCKKKK…. BUZZZZZZZZZZZ…. BUUUUZZZZZZ…. BUUUZZZZZZZZZZ…. Me: That’s it damn It!!! I’m going to take you out. I have a 9mm I am licensed, trained and not afraid to use it. I’m swatting at the tent… searching with my flashlight. I can’t find the dang thing. Me: You better not let me find you… I will … I will ... squish you with my bare hands! OK ... finally… it’s finally quiet… peace and quie… BUG: Buzzzzz…. Buzzzzzz… Buzzzzz…. Me: You no good rotten, communistic, terrorist, unconstitutional, nose picking, good for nothing, stinking, God forsaken bug!!! I’m going to get YOU!!!!! (OK, maybe I was becoming a bit unglued) Back on with the light. He’s NOT getting away this time… Oh HELL no! I’m searching and searching…. AHHH HAAAA!!! I found you , you little bastard. You stupid little exsoskelital beast of a bug … tonight you die. I smack it … it laughs … I hit it again … it flaps it’s evil wings at me. I hit it again. Then I swear it spit fire at me. I hit it one more time, starting to think I may need my gun. Swat… swat… and SWAT!!! He balls up and I hear his little body roll down the outside of the tent with a patter patter patter all the way down to the ground. HA!! I WIN!!! Now I finally get some sleep…sweet sweet peaceful sleep. Ahhh ... Quiet… Peace and Quie… Rod: SNORRRRRREEE…. SNOOOORRRREEEE…. SNOOOOORRREEEEE… Me: ROD! Rod: Ahhh … I what … mmmm … what’s ahhh ... blahhh … mumble mumble mumble…. There, that did the trick. Then I was thinking: You know, I’m pretty sure my air mattress is leaking. Man this camping pillow is hard. I probably should unfold my sleeping bag. I probably could pee too. Do you think that cricket had a cricket family with a bunch of baby crickets? How many crickets do you suppose are in the average cricket family? Will they miss just one? Wonder if his name was Jimmy? Wish I had a glass of water. Rod better not start that loud snoring again. Oh look… the suns coming up.
Posted on: Sat, 19 Jul 2014 21:17:09 +0000
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