The #ChicagoCubs have received permission from the Chicago, Illinois Council of Landmarks to renovate the stadium, including the construction of a hotel and office plaza outside the park. The stadium renovations include seven new signs at a cost of $575M. #Cubs executives were quoted as saying, Well, shit, its not like we can actually win a baseball game or anything, so now were just going to be like the Cleveland Indians in that movie, Major League, and build the shittiest team possible, and build all sorts of garish signs to drive out the stupid fans that actually come to watch the Cubs lose. He added, Besides, its not like its our money. Well hit up the Mayor to raise taxes so we can do all these things. The hotel is for visitors in town to see what a shitty team is like, and amuse themselves when they learn that people still pay good money to watch a team that hasnt won a World Series in over 100 years. The office space is so the bars dont go out of business. Without Cubs fans to go get smashed watching this lame-ass baseball team, we wanted to have some way of still keeping these bars around, and thought, Well, what else would want to cause us to drink all the time?, and hit upon the idea of having a 9 to 5 job. If THAT doesnt make you want to get blitzed all day, every day, then NOTHING will. Wrigleyville rooftop owners were reputed to be demolishing their buildings (which would have no value when these plans go through), and use the bricks to throw at the Mayors office windows and the new signs. Any leftover bricks would be sold on ebay for $0.99 to stupid Cubs fans who will buy any Cubs-related shit.
Posted on: Fri, 11 Jul 2014 12:57:18 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015