The Curse of The First Child FEBRUARY 1, 2014 BY EVANSMALATULAThe Curse of The First Child “As it is written in the law of the LORD, Every male that openeth the womb shall be called holy to the LORD” – Luke 2:23For some reason I just felt the need to start this piece by quoting one of my favorite verses from the Holy Bible. I would like to talk about first children from working class families and the challenges they tend to inherit as they grow older. Being a first child from a working class family myself I hope I have at least made the relevant observations to give an informed opinion on this matter. It is no secret that the working class in South Africa is largely made of the black/African (whichever one is politically correct) community. My opinion is therefore based mostly if not only on observations I have made from families in the black/African community. This doesn’t rule out the possibility of similarities between first children from other races and the ones I have mentioned above.Being a first child in any African family comes with its privileges and of course some responsibilities. As the elder child you get respect from all your siblings (in an ideal family that is). You are also the immediate head of the family in the event that the parents are unavailable. I would like to dwell mostly on the responsibilities that come with one being the first child and the impacts that such responsibilities have on one’s personal life. As the first child in an African family you are expected to be the first to get a job and start assisting your parents with providing for your family once you are old enough. You are expected to be the one to bail your parents out of their economic battles. No one even has to tell you about this duty, you just know it is waiting for you. Because of this pressure or responsibility (whichever way you may want to put it), the priorities of the first child are often different from those of their friends and peers in the same age group. All this special child is focused on is to first finish school, get a good job and change the situation at home while his/her friends are focused on getting good paying jobs and move out of their mamas’ houses to start their own lives.Allow me to shift focus to those special first children who were fortunate enough to get tertiary education. These are usually the first from their families to obtain some form of tertiary qualification and they are role models not only to their immediate families but also to the extended family. These special kids are a very important inspiration to their younger siblings who now have no reason not get tertiary education too. Once these special children get their first job they commence on the duty assisting their parents in providing for the family. In some cases the special child becomes the only breadwinner in the family. If the special child has siblings, he/she has to put them to school and/or university. The members of the family now feel that they have someone they can depend on for financial assistance. At times some of the members of the family expect too much from this special child, they think money is not a problem for him/her since he/she is “educated”. I have heard some parents say they could not wait for their children to finish school so they (the parent) could quit their jobs and enjoy the benefits of raising good kids (referring to the first child of course). In fact my own grand mother used to say that although I don’t think she meant it. Let us not forget that while all this is happening this child does not live on an island. He/she has friends and colleagues who at time are in the process of starting their own families, buying houses and fancy vehicles. This child is not immune to peer pressure for he/she is only human. In some cases he/she may fail to cope under peer pressure and end up swimming in a pool of debts trying to match the standards set by his/her peers. Because of all these factors and others that I may have not mentioned or observed, the first children from working class families only get to move out of their mamas’ houses and start their own families later than their peers and everyone else in their age group. Of course there are those first children who are exceptions to some if not all the factors I have dotted down here.
Posted on: Sun, 02 Feb 2014 06:01:23 +0000
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