The Fragile List My father passed away on December 15, 2013. I talk to him all the time and it keeps me feeling pretty peaceful most of the time, but I am sad because I am now an orphan and this means that I have many more responsibilities to become the elder in the family. I know I can do it and I will do my very best. When he left I felt empty and completely lost and wondered what I was to do next. Mornings were the worst because he always called me in the morning to say good morning, how are you doing today dear? He did it every day, he beat me to the punch every time. I could never phone him because he did it first. He loved the phone. It was his lifeline since my mother passed away four years ago last December 4th. My father used the phone as his friend and a way to stop from feeling lonely all the time so he called many times each day but it was the morning call that was his most important call. He didnt feel so alone when he did that so I always answered him and talked to him. He drank his coffee and I drank my tea while we chatted every day. It became a necessary habit for him and it was one I encouraged because we both needed it since my mother passed. He visits me all the time and talks to me and I have always known that my father was damaged and hurt from his past as a child and he spent his whole life afraid of everything. He clung to my mother while she was alive and when she left, he clung to my sister, brother and I. We knew he would do that and we were ready to deal with it and we tried to do it in a loving way. It was never easy because his paralysing fears translated into anger, control and criticism. I realized where it came from and tried to deal with him as well as I could but sometimes I could get angry because I try to live in the positive and it was difficult with him. I did know where it all came from and I understood but it was not always easy to deal with. Sometimes I would answer back and tell him I wanted to talk about good things and he would change his tune or tell me he had to go and then he would phone me later in a better place. I tried. Sometimes I succeeded and sometimes I failed, I am a human and I am still trying to be a good human but I have to realize I am not perfect either. Good enough. After he passed, he came to see me and he told me that he was so happy to be with my mother but then he had to go to school to learn about his healing the mistakes in his life and she had to leave him alone and he was worried about that. I told him it was temporary and he calmed down. Once he is healed he can be with her all the time and they can be happy again, like they were when they were young. They will remember what they forgot as life continued on and changed them. Another time he came to see me and he told me they were worried about him and so they put him on the Fragile List. I asked him what that meant and he told me it was because he had been so damaged as a human that they were going to have to deal with him in a special way. I asked him if that was okay and he said, Yes. I am not scared but I was. I am going to heal and I know it has to be this way for me to be a better soul and your mother deserves a better soul. He didnt even think about his soul for his own sake, he thought about my mother seeing him in a better light so he is already learning what it means to be a light. I cried when he said that because I remember desiring for my mother to see his God self but he never showed her in human form so now he wants to show her in this form. I am glad but it really made me think about this plane we live on. Is there a Fragile List here? Shouldnt there be? How many people are walking this earth and they should be on the Fragile List so they can heal themselves and learn what to do to help themselves. So many are angry, frightened and just plain stuck in their negative energy. We all know them, we all live with them and we all love them but we dont understand them. I am not sure if we have to understand them but maybe we could accept them for their foibles and realize they are damaged from so much pain and fear and this comes through as anger and hatred and control. After learning about this list I desired for one to be here in this place and that we all just look at someone and place them on the list and tread lovingly with them. We dont necessarily have to create a physical Fragile List but cant we just put them on a spiritual one and understand that theyre in so much pain and they deserve love and consideration. Maybe even a bit of patience because there are so many and just sending love to them helps them in so many ways. I realize now that I put my dad on the Fragile List a long time ago and just worked really hard to be nice, get along while not letting him take my power. I learned to do that and it felt quite good. I loved him so much, I have no guilt over the way I was with my father and I know there will be no second chance with him this time so I have to be peaceful with how it played out and know that I did the best I could with a man who always needed to be on the Fragile List even while he was alive. Do you have someone like that in your life? Look at them, consciously put them on the Fragile List and discover that you just changed the way you felt about this person by understanding that they hurt and they dont mean to hurt you, they cant help it. You can peacefully stay in your power and still give yourself permission to love them the best you can. Thats all you can ever do. Be the best you can be and love. God works in interesting and powerful ways. So it is.
Posted on: Fri, 27 Jun 2014 01:58:14 +0000
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