The LORD is my Shepard, I shall NOT want... The LORD is Andrews Shepard!!!! Im not Andrews Shepard..Andrew cant depend on me to KNOW what he needs.. I have to reasonably try to figure it out, with no help from him..Im helpless when it comes to Andrew!! Hes 11, 106 lbs, hes not only non-verbal.. He has NO form of productive communication. Hes NOT potty trained.. He wears a pull-up:( Hes on the functioning level of a 1 year old..He has a very sensitive system ..brain & the way it functions.. He doesnt FIT in any logical reasonable..NORMAL mode.. Hes odd, with odd behaviors.. Self destructive.. like a puppy.. chewing/eating candles.. chewing on stuffed animals..his shoes.. he drums his fingers constantly on anything & everything! etc..& on & on..BUT hes a human being with all the working organs & the LOOK OF a human being.. Hes JUST a living person.. Hes a flesh & bone LUMP. Ive told friends before..I dont know what he knows... I just know autism is NOT about intelligence.. I LUV LUV LUV HIMMMMM LIKE U CANT EVEN IMAGINE!! My LUV doesnt do 1 thing for him, other than keep him alive & looking more normal & getting him thru life with some dignity.. Its a pretty helpless feeling for me..BUT this affects ANDREW a 100%.. me -0- i cant EVEN IMAGINE just living in such a dark place..NO HOPE , NO JOY.. such an empty existence. When he was gone Spring Break..I really got into Psalm 23... Especially..thou prepares a table before me In the PRESENCE of my enemys a table of provision, lots & lots of food.. A BIG thick oak table.. With all I NEED..to live ABUNDANTLY!! I see my self pulled up to table setting there eating & SMILING & just Taken CARE OF!! The LORD taking the pressure OFF ME for PROVIDING!! HE does IT ALL, ALL the WORK!! I just get to enjoy!! I dont ask HOW, I just get to reap the benefits..in the PRESENCE of my enemys. My enemy is standing in front of ME....AUTISM!!!! It makes me CRAZY CRAZY ANGRY WHAT AUTISM has ROBBED my CHILD OF!!! Then, I push away from the table..Andrew takes my place, quietly...like hes the Pres. regal..actually. Andrew is eating & smiling..full of JOY!!!! Just eating & eating...a MENTALLY WHOLE human being.. Immaculately dressed..dignified..NO AUTISM!!! I stopped wrestling with LORD about Andrew this week.. The pressures off me, I let the LORD take care of it & PUT my CHILD in his much more capable hands.. I let go!! GOD is NOT going to let Autism or any other enemy ROB HIS CHILD, his lamb. Especially, Andrew Jeffrey Stewart, who is one of the MOST vulnerable, weak minded. Not going to happen, one more day, not one more second!! I cant begin to understand the mind of God & all that theological stuff..I just TRUST & LET GO.. Oh how I LUV The LORD!!! Hes been so much more than I could ever think or imagine!!!! So glad he delivers what hes says hes can do!!!!
Posted on: Mon, 17 Mar 2014 14:34:32 +0000
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