The Major is alternating between writing some romantic fiction and surveying the embarrassing consequences of his having found a tube of fake tan whilst under the influence of Ukranian claret (small c) when Steven Seagal enters. Seagal: “Major, there’s...” RSW: (Interrupting him) “Just a minute. Were you just about to tell me that there is a woman here to see me? A fairly attractive but obviously flawed woman? A woman who is inexplicably obsessed with me? Is this not getting old yet?” (He appeals to the others in the drawing room) Honor raises her eyebrows, indicating that RSW already knows the answer to this most rhetorical of questions. Money $$$ Mike frowns and shrugs, P!nk stifles a laugh. Seagal predictably narrows his eyes. RSW: (With some resignation) *Sigh* “Alright! Come on then!” Seagal: “Lady Pamela is...” RSW: (Interrupting him again, getting peeved) “Of course! Who else!? Bring her in!” Seagal narrows his eyes further and exits, re-appearing a few seconds later to usher in the remarkable sober looking Lady Pamela Pilkington. RSW: “Pamela! ALWAYS a pleasure!” Pam: (Looking momentarily encouraged) “Really Richie!?” RSW: (Grimacing) “No, NO! Obviously not! (Regaining composure) “I’m sorry. Good afternoon Pamela, it’s nice to see you wearing clothes that didn’t previously belong to a murdered badger or an owl. What can I do for you? Pamela: (Looking confused for a moment) “Richie. I need to know. You can be straight with me. (Takes a deep and deliberate breath)... “Do you love me?” RSW: (Open mouthed in incredulity then beckoning her closer as if to whisper a secret) “No! Now, was there anything else!?” Pam pouts furiously and turns around, about to storm out but turns suddenly turns about in the doorway as if about to deliver a devastating response. RSW: (Getting up off the leather chesterfield, briskly) “And you’re not hunting on my land.” Pam stomps out of the drawing room. RSW listens and counts the doors slammed as she exits before the heavy oak front door booms shut behind her. RSW: (Shrugging as the others stare at him in amusement) “What!?”
Posted on: Wed, 25 Jun 2014 10:08:16 +0000
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