The Manipulator and How to Deal with Them - By Vani Marshall * Pretending to Be the Victim ALWAYS I have noticed this shared trait in people with manipulative behavior. They always pretend to be the one who has been wronged by everyone including you even when they were only trying to help everyone. They know it in their hearts it is not true. There is always a long story and an overwhelmingly detailed account of the pain caused to them. Now, you would wonder why does anyone need to pretend to be the victim when there is nothing wrong. Simple explanation. It helps them gain their preys sympathy and makes it even easier to manipulate him/her the way they want to and how they want to. * Guilt Trips Have you ever noticed that in your relationships with some people, it seems that you are the only one to be blamed? They are never wrong and there is always an explanation to their actions even if it may have hurt you. They pretty much convince you into believing that you were wrong and make you feel guilty about it. Out of guilt, you give in to their demands more and more. It becomes extremely easy for them to get what they want, while you willingly do it for them. * Extra Care Manipulative individuals are generally very weak inside and so they look for situations where they can be in power and control. They show extra care and affection towards you, more than anyone else. This helps them easily gain your trust and make you comfortable with them. Also, this helps such people to ensure that you become dependent on them, sooner or later, and have no choice but to give in to their demands. * Bouts of Insecurity Persons with manipulative intentions always have an inferiority complex hidden deep under the layers of manipulation and deception. They try to use it to their advantage by pretending to be the victim, as said before, often exhibiting signs of jealousy and insecurity. Also, they try to get closer to you and keep others away from you. They want you all to themselves so there is nobody to assert that right on you. These people are very selfish and constantly try to project a completely opposite image around others. * No Fights Manipulators are passive aggressive and almost never aggressive. They dont fight, shout at you or call you names. But they still manage to guilt trip you with calm words that point out your flaws slyly suggesting your inability to deserve being with them. They always plan their next step well ahead and would not risk it by having a fight with you and creating bitter feelings of resentment in your heart towards them. They stay calm in most situations and try to reverse everything to their advantage, even if you did have a fight with the manipulator. * Make you Feel Inadequate They will always make you feel like you are imperfect and have severe flaws for which they blame you constantly and you end up feeling like it was all your fault for not being able to live up to their expectations and hence you deserve to be treated the way you are being treated now. These flaws may or may not exist but in their eyes they do and convince you into believing the same. * Seduction This last one is often used by female manipulators when they are manipulating a man. If you are not blood, you are going to be the victim of her seduction. Such seductresses are fierce and have a clear agenda in their mind that need you to help them achieve. It is very easy to be lured by the promise of love and lust and give in to her demands. I am sure men do it too, but that is when the women fall in love with them =====Dealing with Manipulative People===== * Coping with Brainwashing Manipulative individuals are excellent at brainwashing. However, once you have identified who this person is in your life with the help of the above signs, its time to deal with it. You must practice a lot of self-control as it is easy to be delusional even though you may know who is manipulating you. You have to be strong enough so you are no more affected by their manipulating tactics. Do not doubt their intentions later as they have already become clear to you now. * Listen to your Gut Feeling You know how so many people tell you to trust your gut, well, they are partly right. As a Christian, you really need to cultivate listening to the voice of the Holy Ghost. Learn to hear and trust the voice of God every time you have to make a decision. There will be times when you have a doubt whether you misjudged someone. In such a situation, nobody can help you except The Lord. Never do what the Holy Ghost does not agree to. Pray and ask God to give you spiritual discernment and wisdom in handling the situation. * Detach Yourself Completely All manipulators harbor an obsession for their victims. When you want to detach, they never make it so easy for you. But, you have to do it to break free from the constant manipulation. Start with avoiding the persons calls and text messages and then feign being too busy. Make it seem as unintentional as possible. The person trying to manipulate you will be left helpless as they spend lesser time with you to interact. * Dont React What can be more frustrating than not receiving any reaction to your maneuvers? Well, play that game on the person trying to manipulating you. By not reacting to their antics, you will leave a huge room of doubt whether you have been affected by it or not. It gives you an upper hand over the whole situation. No matter how upset you may be, act like you did not know it was meant to affect you. Adopt a policy of keeping your lips sealed with a neutral face. * Dont Blame Yourself Whatever happens, never try to blame yourself if the person trying to manipulate you starts acting like a victim herself. Dont be fooled if you are being emotionally blackmailed. Have no mercy else you will never be able to get out of the clutches of someone who has been trying to manipulate you all along. * Recognize the wolf in the sheeps clothing before it becomes too late, that there has been too much damage already done in your life. If the manipulator in your life is your partner/spouse, you must know how to end a manipulative relationship (if this a marriage relationship, then do all you can to SAVE it. Encourage your spouse and yourself to get help from a biblical sound counselor)! When a manipulative person sees that they have extracted all that they needed out of you, they will leave you and move on. While they win, you will be left feeling broken and used. It is absolutely pointless to play tit for tat. To avoid this emotional damage, get away from them as much as you can and as soon as possible. Vani Marshall Christian Counselor MA, BCPC
Posted on: Fri, 26 Dec 2014 17:45:54 +0000
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