The Mummy “found” Good eeeeeeeeev’ning, and welcome to Saturday Nite Dead. How many of you have ever been to your attic? This mausoleum has an attic where cremains are stored for the poor bastards er- souls whose next of kin never laid claim. They are stacked in nicely wrapped boxes resembling Christmas presents. Yes, I said Christmas, and not “Holiday.” Anyway, that’s what’s in my attic here on Saturday Nite Dead. But in Diepholz, Germany Alexander Kettler was rummaging through his grandparents attic and came across several boxes, one of which contained the remains of a two thousand year old mummy, as well as it’s death mask and canopic jar (a jar full of mummy guts). Alexandra is all of ten years of age. Now, had I found something like this in my grandfather’s attic, I would have been ecstatic. In fact, I used to look all over Grandpa Smith’s upstairs for secret rooms or perhaps a hidden time machine. I even looked in the attic he had above his garage for Dracula’s chained casket. The only thing I found was his hired hand (Frank’s) pesticide sprayer, a few cobwebs and some mud-dobbers (blue wasps) nest near the window. The attic in my present home (speaking as the producer of Saturday Nite Dead) has ductwork for the entire house and a wooden walkway I built myself so I wouldn’t fall through the ceiling. But there are no mummies there either. There are some black widow spiders, too. Quite honestly, the mummy and its effects appear to be in rather pristine condition. Not that I don’t believe the thing is the real deal. After all, they did find Im-hoteps royal mummy on display at an antiquity museum at Niagara Falls several years ago. It was the real deal and eventually returned to Egypt where (I believe) it is on display. I always thought they should put it back into the tomb from whence it came with military guard to protect against thieves. But then the guards would need to be vetted fully to ensure they would not succumb to temptation and sell out to antiquity thieves. Some of my favorite Universal horror films were of “The Mummy” series with Boris Karloff and Lon Cheney Jr.. There was one serious error in the latter films, as they always said the moon was full for two days. In fact, it is full for all of a split second, but for calendaral purposes we say it is full for one day. But under certain conditions the moon does appear to be full for two days, such as the most recent Harvest Moon. It appeared to be full on the 18th and 19th of September. The Chinese celebrate the Harvest Festival for several days and then “Moon Day” on the 19th. I don’t recall an Asian mummy lurking about for its favorite concubine during this celebratorious period. I was there once. And I carried my lantern looking behind bamboo trees and shadowy pathways. I saw nothing but other people (lots and lots and lots of people) carrying lanterns, just like me. But I do not think they were looking for lost souls or mummies. To be honest, I was not looking for mummies in China. But I did walk around carrying my lantern like everyone else was doing to celebrate “Moon Day.” As for young master Kettler’s discovery: the mummy and artifacts have been sent to Eppendorf University in Hamburg Germany (I wonder if any of the professors were old enough to recall The Beatles playing in Hamburg? Hmmmm, I always get off track, sorry. But perhaps they will be able to determine the age and authenticity of the find. I was gonna say archeological find but the only thing this kid probably dug through was some old quilts and ale steins. But I tip the corner of my cape to him, because it is a pretty damn cool thing for a ten year old to discover. But the question I want an answer to is - How did his grandparents come to acquire the mummy to begin with? Were they hoping to unload the thing at a rummage sale? Now that the mummy has been relocated who is Alexandra going to play with? I guess he could do like me, order a 6 foot poster of the Mummy from the back pages of an Archie’s comic book. Just so you know, when my poster finally arrived the picture of the monster was only five feet tall the rest of it was black space so the poster technically was six feet. I always felt ripped off like Ralphie from “A Christmas Story” when he got his secret decoder that decoded a commercial for Ovaltine. Let’s hope Alexandra Kettler gets a “just” reward for his efforts. Steven R. Smith, Producer/Host Saturday Nite Dead. msnvideo.msn/?channelindex=7&from=en-us_msnhp#/video/cdce8404-dc95-4ff1-92d3-fded642aee89
Posted on: Tue, 24 Sep 2013 22:17:20 +0000
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