The Myth of Perfect Dating Why breaking up to “put God first” doesn’t work. By Sharon Hodde Miller We sat across from one another at a tiny table, in the midst of a crowded restaurant brimming with happy, chatty diners. It was a warm and sunny day for the most part—except the air was punctuated by a tiny dark cloud, and it was hanging directly over our heads. I leaned in toward my friend to listen as she spoke. Her face was downcast and her eyes moist as she recounted the events of the previous week: “I’m not sure what happened, but he said we needed to take a break. He wants to pray about the relationship. He needs time to make sure he is following God’s will. He doesn’t want us to have any contact for a month.” Christian courtships are about as straightforward as the Cha Cha Slide: You take two steps forward, then one step back. Just like that, my friend was sent into a tailspin. She hadn’t seen it coming, and neither of us knew what it meant. Was this just a cowardly way of breaking up? Or was her boyfriend genuinely seeking God? And why had God communicated something so different to him than He had to her? As difficult as my friend’s experience was, her story is not unique in the Church. In my experience, Christian courtships are about as straightforward as the Cha Cha Slide: You take two steps forward, then one step back. You meet one another’s parents, then decide to limit your time together. You start talking about marriage, then you stop engaging in any physical contact. You start praying together, but you also begin “fasting” from one another. Most Christian couples have their own version of this back and forth, and it’s somewhat understandable. New relationships are intoxicating. Falling in love is blissfully disorienting, so it’s easy to lose your true North. Everything, including God, can take a backseat to your beloved. Knowing this, many well-meaning Christians work hard to stay on the straight and narrow. In an earnest attempt to honor God and one another, many sincere couples take a circuitous route marked by pain, confusion and unnecessary detours. However, these manic dating rituals are not the product of godly intentions alone. There is a second motive that exerts pressure on Christian relationships, one that is far more prone to lead couples astray. It is the desire for perfection. After slogging through the world of dating, many couples yearn for that perfect relationship that makes it all worthwhile. For some, perfection looks like a fairytale—a romantic love story with a happily ever after. For others, the perfect relationship is a holy bargaining chip: As long as you can stay pure and keep Christ central, God will reward you with marriage. But this if/then approach can easily become an attempt at bribing God. To be continued........
Posted on: Tue, 13 Jan 2015 07:00:00 +0000
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