The Paperlessly Wallpapered I.OU. Papers (Issue No. 20) The Late Lawrence Lankurski’s Lament By Ivan O’Uris (As told to him by the Late Lawrence Lankurski?) I apologize, dear reader, For these late lines, Though my lateness is logical, For I was late when I lived, Late for Lincoln Logs and leapfrog as a lad, Late for lute lessons in Louisiana, Late for lattes with Lena in Luxembourg, Late for lasagna, linguine and liver lunches with lumberjacks in Liechtenstein, Late for tuning into “Loving You” on “The Late, Late Show.” I didn’t want to be late when I lived, But it’s a little late for that. Background Notes: The above poem was written after a string of complex events related to a séance. During the séance – for which Ivan arrived late, coincidentally – the medium told Ivan he would be possessed at 3:45 p.m. July 20, 2003, by Lawrence Lankurski, a recently deceased auto mechanic known for his chronic tardiness and his penchant for clog dancing while working. Lankurski possessed Ivan’s body – at 1:15 p.m. July 22, 2003, when Ivan was covering a speech by then-U.S. President George W. Bush as part of his day job as a foreign correspondent for The Luscian O’Buenkalava, the national newspaper of Luscia, Ivan’s homeland. During the speech, Ivan – filled with Lankurski’s spirit – started clog dancing with a CNN correspondent and screaming, “I HAVE NO LUG NUTS!” President Bush stopped in the middle of his speech and stared blankly at Ivan, a move that Democratic U.S. Sen. Ted Kennedy criticized as “a passive response to an important national issue.” Republicans defended the president by saying he always stares blankly. A few days later, Lankurski possessed Ivan again and apologized for the incident. Lankurski – who was eager to be a posthumously published poet, having taken up poetry writing during an afterlife fling with Emily Dickinson – offered to make amends by helping Ivan compose a poem. Ivan claims he composed the piece and was merely “inspired” by Lankurski. Lankurski, however, insists that Ivan merely wrote down what Lankurski dictated. Based on the evidence, it’s unclear if this is an Ivan O’Uris original or the work of a ghostwriter. Hence, there is a question mark in the subtitle. What is clear is that Ivan O’Uris scholars Mr. Blank, Mr. Mystery and Mr. Anonymous Jr. II found the piece in late 2003 under a pile of bills in Ivan’s apartment, all past due. “The Late Lawrence Lankurski’s Lament” and its background notes were published July 17, 2004, in a Midwestern newspaper. There was an online link to it, but it’s probably missing in action. JFSG Publications asks that you the reader observe a moment of silence for the missing link – followed by a moment of groaning for that last bit of wordplay. ©2004-2009, 2013, JFSG Publications. All rights reserved.
Posted on: Fri, 22 Nov 2013 23:49:13 +0000
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