The Parable of the Poop: A story about Jesus Introduction… and other poop. My posts are progressive. That is to say, if you are just coming into the story, you will most likely be lost. The best way to read it is from start to finish… just as you would any book. When something does not make sense, it is usually because it was explained in an earlier portion of the story. This is a book that contains both current writings and things that were written a couple of years ago. Two years ago, I entitled this book, The Parable of the Poop: A story about Jesus. There has since been another book that has come to my attention bearing a similar name. I read a very small portion of the book written by someone with a name other than Teresa K. Taylor. The three paragraphs that I read told me that the ideas being promoted in that book were outdated or archaic beliefs. As I said, I only read three paragraphs... and one of those was a bulleted list. The only reason I was willing to read that far is because I believe in giving people a fair chance. I did not stop reading until I disagreed with a total of three of the things being taught. Now, please raise your hand if you feel I did not give this book a fair chance. I couldn’t tell you if I gave it a fair chance because I will probably never read it. The only reason for that is because I no longer read any books that are secular. That includes my bible, which I have read countless times from cover to cover, as well as, studied the gospels religiously. I am not suggesting that you should not read unless that is what Jesus is telling you. It also does not mean that I cannot read other things. This is simply what Jesus has told me to do to alleviate further confusion for myself. It is what has been revealed to me during my walk with Him. It is simply in my best interest to follow His advice, and it has worked well for me thus far. When I need to seek an answer or understanding of anything in or out of this world, I simply ask Jesus to explain it to me. There is nothing more this world can give me towards enlightenment. That sounds harsh and maybe a little rude. Please allow me to explain. Anything I read that is from another person’s interpretation or understanding is already genetically enhanced poop. By those standards, my book is also genetically enhanced poop. What makes it genetically enhanced is the fact that Jesus is not writing it Himself. It has been enhanced with my genetics… if you can call that an enhancement. He is utilizing my hands to do the typing. Jesus’ Holy Ghost is our Ghost Writer. As I do not want to muddy His living water, I do my best to only type the words that I am certain are coming from him. The holy bible contains everything. In it is written everything from the beginning of time to the end. The answer to every question we could pose has already been written. That is why Jesus began every sentence he spoke to Satan with, “It is written…” It is because Satan, who thought he was better than God, had forgotten who created him. He, Satan, is also written into the book, that is, the holy bible. I have studied this book, and when I need an answer, God will reveal to me another piece of the puzzle. You see, our lives are nothing more than a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle of white-noise. Good luck putting the edges together, much less, the middle. The revelation of each piece occurs not while you are reading, but while you are doing. It is in walking on this earth that we encounter things which we do not understand. The only way to gain an accurate interpretation or understanding of something we encounter is to “go right to the Source and ask the Horse. He’ll give you the answer that you endorse.” The reason you endorse the answer He gives you is because it is unmuddied Truth. It makes perfect sense. Maybe you don’t appreciate me associating God with a horse. Well, listen to this… A Force is a Force, of course of course, and no one can talk to a Force of course, that is of course, unless the Force, Is the famous Mister Ed! Go right to the Source and ask the Force. Hell give you the answer that youll endorse. Hes always on a steady course. Talk to Mister Ed. People yakkity yak a streak and waste your time of day, but Mister Ed will never speak, unless he has something to say... A Force is a Force, of course of course, And this one will talk til his voice is hoarse. You never heard of a talking Force? Well, listen to this... I AM Mister Ed. Is it just me, or is that Jesus to a tee? He wrote his own stinking theme song because HE IS. When you leave something open ended like that, “I AM…,” you leave yourself open to all possibilities… including, “I AM a stinking horse.” Anyway, back to the jigsaw puzzle that is my life… When He reveals another piece of the puzzle, that piece changes from white-noise to the clear picture it was meant to be. When putting a puzzle together, we always begin by finding all of the corners. Is anyone else seeing the correlation? Jesus is our Cornerstone. He is the corners to the jigsaw puzzle that is our lives. He is the first piece of the puzzle that is revealed to us… thus making Him our Foundation. When you see His face on the corner piece, you should see it laughing a big, hearty belly-laugh. Because HE IS jolly like Ol’ St. Nick. In fact, HE IS Ol’ St. Nick. “Is it any wonder…,” Angel sings the beginning of our next paragraph. … we celebrate His birthday by giving good gifts to one another? Jesus loves to give his children good gifts. So, do not be afraid, little flock, because it gives the Father great pleasure to give you his Kingdom. I capitalized “kingdom” for a reason that is revealed in this book. Back to what I was saying about Satan being written into the bible… When we walk around carrying sin, who do you think we are representing in the bible? Is it God, or is it Satan? Yes. It is that simple. One is the ruler of all things secular, and the other is the Ruler of all things. God created everything… including the man who created the rules that created sin. Now it’s getting a little complicated because I recently deleted the posts that would have explained which man created the rules, why he created them, and how I know this. It was revealed to me during the process of writing the story. It just fit in with the flow, and I wrote it as it was dictated to me. I don’t know if I’ll put those posts back up, so I’m going to explain this one from the beginning. In order to do this properly, I am going to enlist the help of my assistant, Angel. She is my inner-child. She is 5 years old, and she is the salt of this body. I am quite bland without her. And, now I’m stuck. You see, to avoid rewriting all of that, I would need to take apart another portion of my story that I had already written. What will I do with the leftovers if I cut out the middle and post it here? The beginning and end will make no sense without the middle, so they would be wasted. The portion of the book that I read by a similar name, was a portion that someone else had cut out to refer to it in his own writing. Based on that small portion, I made my decision that even if I were going to read a book, it would not be that one. Many people were doing the same thing with my book. They came in at the most recent posts, so it sounded insane. There was no character building, no explanation of all our Spirit gadgets, and no basis for our beliefs. None of it made sense. If that was all I saw of my own book, I certainly would not waste my time reading it either. The interesting thing about all of this… at least to me… is that the very first post was entitled “Musings of a Lunatic.” That is correct. I consider myself a lunatic… lunatically speaking, of course. This will also be revealed later in the story. “If you have a problem with this, I invite you to tell me to my face,” Angel says, adding, “I must warn you, I am armed.” Meet Angel. She is so stinking filled with poop, profundity, and salt… and maybe even a little cayenne pepper. “Angel, you’re going to scare away our readers. We want them to stay this time,” I tell her. “Well, they should know what they’re up against if they dare to read my poop. They are up against me, being heavily armed as I am, with all my stinking poop, profundity, salt, and cayenne pepper. Plus, you forgot the oregano.” “Gross, Angel. Oregano with cayenne pepper? Gross.” “That’s right. I’m delicious… but you cannot put all of my seasonings in the same dish. You have barely scratched the surface of my flava.” Okay, we’re going to end this conversation now because, once again, you need a little character building to truly appreciate Angel’s flavor, or flava, as she prefers to say it. For those of you who have removed yourselves from my facebook friends list, or were never on it, but you are still checking my page to see if I’ve posted anything new, I invite you to friend me. I will accept your offer of facebook friendship… and all that it entails. “Facebook is such a deep and meaningful place. I cannot tell you how much I enjoy watching your lunches and dinners scroll by on the news feed,” Angel addresses the masses. “Alright, Salty, let’s move on so that we can get our story up and running again… since we were so rudely interrupted by poop and drama… to which we did contribute if only for a short time.” Just a couple more things, and then we’ll get back to our story. From now on, I will include a section towards the beginning of each post that will direct newcomers to the beginning of the book. This page is the beginning. For those of you who are following along from the start, you will be able to skip this portion which will be clearly marked. I don’t want you to waste your time reading the same thing over and over the way I did with my bible. And, I bet I just lost half of my readers. “Did she jus’ say readin’ the bible wuz a waste a her time,” the redneck asks with profundity. “Why, yes, I did, Ms. Redneck. You see, I could read it a hundred more times, and I would still not understand a stinking thing. What sense does it make for me to keep reading it? As long as I’m reading it, Jesus cannot get me to stop long enough for him to explain more than bits and pieces. What if I’m reading the wrong part? What if the answer I’m looking for is in an entirely different book? The answers are in the bible, but once you know it by heart, you must seek understanding from God. Knowing it by heart does not mean remembering it word for word. It means that once it’s in there… it’s in there. The Holy Spirit will recall it for you when he deems it necessary.” You are more than welcome to share my posts. In fact, I would very much appreciate it if you shared them on your timeline. You should also remember that some of the things may not make sense to someone who is just stepping into the story… or our party, as we have dubbed it. However, I think this problem will be solved with the “ATTENTION NEWCOMERS” section. I encourage you to ask questions via facebook comments. I am more than happy to explain what I can. If I cannot answer your question because I did not think to ask it, I will direct you back to the Source to ask the Horse for a deeper understanding. If you don’t care to do that, you can just wait for the answer to be revealed later in the book. I promise you, he will answer your questions. The reason I prefer to do this in a comment and not in a message is because there may be someone else with the same question but without the courage to ask. If you prefer to keep your question to yourself, the answer will be the sign you were seeking to be certain who is writing this book. However, you have to keep in mind that all of our correspondence with God is delivered by Angel’s assistant, Angel. Yes, her assistant has the same name as her. I don’t write this poop. I’m just the typist. Angel’s assistant is not known for his speed, so it may take a while for your answer to be revealed in the story. If you are wondering when this book will end, I say, “Poop. It hasn’t even started yet, and you’re looking for the ending? What the poop? Maybe you should read a different book.” I cannot tell you how many times Angel has written, “The end,” during the course of writing roughly 700 pages of poop and profundity. This story seems to have no end. We have begged Jesus for an ending, but it seems he never runs out of things to say.” On that note… The end… until we meet again. “Dear Readers, My name is Angel. I am 5 years old. I enjoy long walks on the beach at sunset with a fruity beverage and my daddy Jesus. During said walks, you will only see one set of footprints. The reason you will only see one set of footprints is because daddy Jesus got tired and I had to carry him. I did not appreciate this at all. So much for my peaceful sunset beach walk. He is pure muscle. Do you have any idea how heavy muscle is? I said, ‘Daddy, will you please at least get into my little red wagon so I can pull you? Cavemen invented wheels so we would not have to do tiring things such as carrying a 200 pound man. Rude.’ In conclusion, I AM the flava. I invite you to come back for more and join in the fun. We welcome your profundities and also reserve the right to unfriend people who want to cause problems because they refuse to read from the beginning. If you have read it from the beginning and feel the need to tell me that it’s all poop, I will simply tell you, ‘I know it’s poop. Did you read the stinking title?’ If you don’t like it, then stop reading. There is no need to ruin it for the people who are enjoying the story… like us. You have to remember, these words are written primarily by Jesus. We laugh and cry the same way you do at the profundities he reveals. That is as serious as I will be in this story. I AM the child that comes to Jesus as she is, and children are anything but serious. It is all fun, all the time. Love, your favorite, Angel Ps. ‘Wrote a li’l song about it. Like ta hea’ it? He’e it go…,’ I say in my best Calhoun Tubbs voice from In Living Color. This is the book that never ends, Yes it goes on and on, my friends. Some people started reading it not knowing what it was, Now they’ll continue reading it forever just because… This is the book that never ends, Yes, it goes on and on my friends. Some people started reading it not knowing what it was, Now, they’ll continue reading it forever just because…” ~~~~~ Angel wuz here. {=o]
Posted on: Fri, 07 Mar 2014 05:04:48 +0000