The Rant I have been contacted by CBS to replace Letterman when he leaves next year. An outpouring of letters and calls demanding that I be the next host. (Three phone calls, one from me and two from my mom, two letters, one from me and one from a guy I paid to carry a sign on Times Square) Late Night Rants with Harv. I can see it now! 1. Oscar Pretorius killed his girlfriend in cold blood. We will never know the real reason but he is guilty as can be for the act itself. 2. Repeated murders at Ft. Hood, murder at Camp Lejeune, high school students stabbed in Pittsburgh, and suicide rates in our military at record high. America has gone to hell in a hand basket but we are too busy being entertained to notice. And it is not Obama’s fault. It is our own darn fault. Look in the mirror. The enemy is us. 3. Do you think they will equalize the pay for the boys and girls coaches at UCONN now they are both equivalent champions? Don’t hold your breath (but it should happen).Obama is right on this one. 4. Liz Chaney is as big a horses patute as Nancy Pelosi. But Cheney has not room to talk about brain and spine connection as her head is directly connected to her colon. And her dad’s head is connected to his --------Never mind. 5. I am so glad that North Korea has re-elected Kim as their exalted leader. It is nearly as valid at JFK’s election in 1960 due to cemetery voters in Chicago and GW’s dangling chad’s victory in the Supreme Court in Florida in 2000. Same game just different players. He who has the money makes the rules. And none of them are rooting for you and me. 6. Legalize marijuana, prostitution, gambling and tax the living daylights out of them. Use the money to help the unfortunate. But please don’t try and sell that bull story that the money is going to help public education. That dog just won’t hunt no more. 7. I do not want to hear opinions from Mike Tyson, Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber, or Charlie Sheen. If I want to hear morons and idiots I will watch Fox news. 8. Research shows a lot of things. Bad research is abundant. However, excellent research does show consistently those students active in the arts do better on tests and in school. Our solution? Cut the arts. Why? Because we are allowing gypsies, tramps, and thieves to legislate public education. Athletics have become the be all and end all of high school and college. Why? Refer to #5 and #7. 9. Jesus would not be caught dead or alive in most churches. He would be offended that His name is used to sell hypocrisy, hatred, injustice and prejudice. WWJD? He would not buy WWJD bracelets or give money to televangelists. You can take that to the eternal bank. 10. Mickey Rooney was one in a million. Another trooper joints the show in heaven. I wonder which of his eight former wives he will live with in the sky. Talk about alimony!
Posted on: Wed, 09 Apr 2014 15:17:56 +0000
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