The Second Thought Back in a time before deliverymen brought, and aliens stole, the Internet, motorcycles were an afterthought. The first thought before motorcycles was thought by an animal, and was obviously the first animal with a brain. This thought was, “My head hurts,” as anyone who has learned a great deal more than they are used to learning can attest is true. This animal was named Corn, as there were only plants around at the time to be named after, and it was a like a plant but different. He was a lazy plant that found it easier to just steal other plants’ food rather than make his own. Corn continued to steal other plants’ food until he never made his own. For the most part this was frowned upon, but plants figured, “It’s just a fad,” and so they turned a blind eye (later to be known as potato eyes because they don’t see). A major contribution to the unanimous decision to turn a blind eye is that plant don’t have nerves: they back down immediately in any confrontation and are often intimidated into becoming paper or something else unnatural that makes them feel ashamed. But as we learned, Corn had a nerve. Corn thought things, and because Corn had nerves he also felt things. Like heat. Plants had always worked well with light, who informed them about heat, and for the most part as long as there was plenty of water they all got along, but they never felt heat. Corn could feel heat, and liked it very much. The plants thought this whole feeling and thinking business to be a very inappropriate addition to living, and that one should be content simply to pass on his genes and make his own food (research has since determined that the English are the animal family most directly related to plants). So in any case, Corn went around feeling heat. Corn would feel as much heat as he could. Heat was not used to being felt and was not sure how to react. Like Plants, heat has no brain, and so it decided that if it were to excrete a sweet taste whenever it was being felt, because surely “This would be a good response,” thought heat. From then on, animals indulged in feeling heat, poking it and licking the sweet taste. One day when a group of fairies was poking the hot engine of a motorcycle, owned by the Duke of Fairmont (as motorcycles were now thought of and used in place of the rickshaw), they poked too hard and broke it. “Ow, that does it! You will regret this, you fairies!” shouted the angry Duke. He then dreamed up a plan to make sure that no one would poke a motorcycle engine ever again. “I will have heat over this afternoon,” said the Duke (who was good friends with heat, as they played squash occasionally and had a mutual respect for anyone in an unrelated industry). “And while he is here we will have a talk about this sweet taste of his,” dictated the duke to his stenographer. The Duke had Heat over for a slumber party, and after a pillow fight suggested (at sword point) that Heat change so that when animals felt Heat they would experience terrible pain. Heat agreed and then promptly turned the Duke into a pair of slacks by having some of his boys run the Duke through a textile mill. Heat is deeply entrenched in the Prussian mafia and is not someone to be held a sword point. However, Heat is honorable and changed so that when animals felt him they would experience pain. Even though all animals feel pain when they touch a lot of heat, the sweet taste is deeply imbedded at the root of our nerves. And this is why when you burn yourself you real quick put your finger in your mouth. The End
Posted on: Fri, 12 Jul 2013 18:17:22 +0000
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