The Short Vort Good Morning! Today is Friday the 9th of Tishrei –Erev Yom Kippur 5774 and September 13, 2013 If Not Now, Then When? The Halacha is quite clear. “Sins between man and man, Yom Kippur has no ability to forgive until he asks forgiveness from the one he wronged”. If so, you and I should be really very busy today. Perhaps even more busy then on Yom Kippur itself. After all, on Yom Kippur it is really a ‘no-brainer’. On Yom Kippur you just have to sit and stand in Shul; pray fervently and with sincerity; fast for 25 hours and ‘poof’: you are forgiven. However, if you insulted the fellow you sit next to in Shul by leaving your used tissue by his seat and did not ask forgiveness, you are still in hot water! If you did not get your spouse’s forgiveness for the year, then by the time Neilah rolls around you can beat the living daylights out of your chest and guess what? No forgiveness! Is there anyone out there who does not have to ask forgiveness from their spouse this year? What about your mother, father, brother, sister, daughter or son? Have you asked (begged, pleaded to) them to forgive you? What about all the other people we come in contact with throughout the year? Are we busy today on the telephone making sure we are going in Yom Kippur clean and pristine? Why is ‘sorry’ such a hard word? Is it that we are in denial and we really do not think we have done anything wrong? Is it too painful for us and saying sorry makes us feel vulnerable and weak? I believe all of the above are true. However, whatever the reason, the fact remains that too few of us actually take the time to think about those people who we have hurt and insulted and sincerely reach out to them and say those magic words: “I am sorry I hurt you. Please forgive me”. In fact, I would venture to say that it might be more difficult to call someone and actually say “I hurt you” (never say “I am sorry you were hurt”; for that just translates as “I did nothing wrong; you are just hyper sensitive so I am sorry for you that you felt hurt over something which you never should have been hurt about anyway”) more than fasting and praying all of Yom Kippur. Indeed, “sorry” is one hard word to really look someone in the eye and admit to. However, just remember if you want to live with people in peace and harmony than it has to start with someone and that someone might as well be you. Take the advice of Mahatma Gandhi who said: “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” So take a deep breath, give it some thought and go over to that “significant other” (or others) who you have hurt and say with a sincere and meaningful way: “I hurt you and I feel terrible about it. Can you please forgive me?” Even if you are not 100% sure that you are 100% at fault; as long as you are somewhat at fault, do it. After all, in the end, making things right is way more important than being right. And one more thing; if by some chance someone sincerely asks your forgiveness and you believe they are for real and not just a chronic offender paying you lip service; be gracious and accepting and embrace them. Never fall into the trap of feeling haughty and treat them with a condescending manner, which is the worst thing you can do. Accept their apology and maybe even say you are sorry yourself and make peace. It may be the ticket you need to get yourself through this year. If I have offended anyone through my words in the Short Vort I humbly ask forgiveness and wish all of you a meaningful Yom Kippur and a healthy and productive year. Ron Yitzchok Eisenman, Rabbi, Congregation Ahavas Israel, Passaic, NJ
Posted on: Fri, 13 Sep 2013 08:23:11 +0000
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