The Three Worst Things The Liberals Did Yesterday (69) by Bob Ellis By midday Abdul Numan was being described, like Lee Harvey Oswald, as, simultaneously, a ‘lone wolf’ and ‘part of a worldwide conspiracy’: a mad young man, in short, whose ‘radical’ teenage playmates had evilly transformed him into a ‘terrorist’. The probable explanation, that Scott Morrison had driven him to it, was not explored. For it turned out his parents, made anxious by his increasing twitchiness, had decided he should fly to Kabul and in Afghanistan find a bride and be thereby ‘settled down’, but Morrison wouldn’t let him go. He posed a risk, said S&M, to the democratic leadership of Afghanistan, whoever they currently were, and was best left unimprisoned and unremarked in Endeavour Hills. Desolate, randy and vengeful — and eighteen — he decided to kill Abbott, whose movements he studied, and unwisely, perhaps, displayed the ISIL flag in a shopping mall. This alerted the coppers to his ‘terrorist propensities’ and they asked him down to the station to ‘have a chat’. He came with a knife, stabbed two of them and was shot, most probably in the head, and so died unquestioned, and uninformative. A bullet to the leg would have served as well. But his death, like Oswald’s, would allow hereafter many decades of ‘conspiracy theories’ to flourish and proliferate. That he was a bit mad, and randy, and in need of a wife, and Morrison had thwarted him was not considered, nor was Morrison reproved for having, the way he tends to, wrecked yet another life and ended thus a fifth young man with his threats, bombast, injustice and tongue-babbling Shirelive craziness. Addressing the UN Abbott said all terrorists embraced a ‘cult of death’ and should be bombed to shit by all us life-affirming nations. He thus condemned as bizarre death-worshippers the ‘terrorists’ Mandela, Guevara, Begin, Ramos Horta, Michael Collins, George Washington, King David of Israel and Robin Hood, and irritated the French whose ‘terrorist’ Underground were national heroes. He condemned as well his own faith whose Crusades, Inquisitions, beheadings, burnings at the stake, reverence for the finger-bones of dead saints, and presiding symbol, a whipped and crucified young man, had been thought a death-embracing religion until now. By Christ’s death we were all saved, and by our martyrs’ cruel, blazing deaths under Nero’s downward thumb made better sorts of people. Abbott himself, a ‘happy cannibal’, ate Christ’s flesh — living, and quivering, he was told — each Sunday in Manly, but called this recurrent bloody ritual ‘life-nourishing’ and ‘rich in protein’. Ban Ki-moon told the UN there were more refugees, now, than at any time in world history, and Morrison doubled his determination that he wouldn’t take any, and said he was flying to Pnomh Penh to ensure that fifty Tamil children he particularly disliked would grow up, if they survived, in abject language-challenged whoredom-tempted unschooled poverty. These children, he fumed, had taken him to court, and stopped him sending them back to their cousins’ torturers in Sri Lanka, and he didn’t like that. He didn’t like that at all. Well, Pnomh Penh, and the Killing Fields, would have to do. He was applauded by PVO as a ‘prince of tactical politics, a Solomon come to judgment, and a future Prime Minister for sure’. Morrison then had an eight-course breakfast with Clive Palmer, and changed his mind. Some refugees henceforth could work, he told a bewildered press conference, in prescribed provincial hellholes, and enjoy Medicare and a local school, but no-one currently on Manus, like the fifty Tamil children whom he wanted to punish severely, and no-one would be settled here permanently, even if they were born here. They would be sent back to Syria, Gaza, Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Fiji, Somalia, Sri Lanka and West Irian, and murdered there if necessary, after three years, or in some cases five, this he had sworn, in tongues, on a Shirelive Bible, an inflammatory document acclaiming capitalist resolve. Australia, furthermore, would ‘re-interpret’ what the UN Refugee Convention meant, adapting it, as the times required, to a trade in slaves. Asked if he would go to gaol next month, he replied, ‘I don’t plan that far ahead.’ ellistabletalk/2014/09/25/the-three-worst-things-the-liberals-did-yesterday-69/
Posted on: Thu, 25 Sep 2014 05:49:01 +0000
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