The Top Ten Reasons for Divorce What are the #TopTen reasons for divorce - *really*? I’ll be honest. I’m a little sad and frustrated today. In the past few months I’ve been surprised by how many couples we know who are divorcing, separating, or heading very quickly in that direction. And it’s not only people I’m acquainted with – it’s all over the country. It makes me shake my head. Especially when I read that marriages ending in divorce lasted an average of 9.8 years. (9.8 years!) When you think that some couples have been married 40 – 50 years, it’s almost like shutting off a movie after watching the previews. You haven’t even gotten started! I believe there are biblical reasons for divorce (infidelity), but I honestly think the majority of divorces boil down to one reason: selfishness. The top ten reasons for divorce Why do I think selfishness plays such a role? Here are the ‘latest’ top 10 reasons people give for divorce: 1. We grew apart 2. We don’t make each other happy anymore 3. We aren’t in love anymore 4. It’s better for the kids if we divorce 5. I grew up but he/she stayed the same 6. We’re different people than when we got married 7. It isn’t fun anymore 8. I found a new person who really understands me 9. He/she let him/herself go 10. I deserve to be happy One couple in our acquaintance decided to divorce after 6 years of marriage. Their reason: they discovered they were best friends. What? Am I the only person who doesn’t understand that? Marriage isn’t perfect I’m not a fly on the wall, so I can’t say what goes on in a person’s home. I don’t know all the details in someone else’s marriage. And yes, there are very real difficulties and situations that do constitute divorce – so please understand that the rest of this article deals *specifically* with divorces that result from the reasons on that list of ten. When a couple get to know one another, they’re on their best behavior. Smiling, opening doors, and going out of their way to be considerate. Care is taken in what they wear, how they look, what they say, and how they express themselves. Then they get married. 9.8 years later they’re getting divorced because the consideration and care they once showed isn’t important anymore. The top ten rebuttals #1 – We grew apart. Growing apart means you’re not asking him how his day went and actually putting the phone down to look him in the eyes while he tells you. Growing apart means you’re going to work for eight hours while she carts the kids to activities, gets groceries, and comes home to clean. You go out to play basketball with your buddies for three hours while she shops at the mall. When you both come home she opens a book while you log onto the net. Growing apart means there’s no communication. #2 – We don’t make each other happy anymore. When was the last time you tried to make him happy? Really tried – for more than a few days. Did you kiss him hello when he got home? Did you have his favorite dinner ready? Did you sit with him on the couch and touch his knee while he talked to you? What can you do to show him he’s loved? When was the last time you went out of your way to make her happy? I don’t mean all those over-rated romantic movie scenes, but simple everyday things. Did you start a load of laundry without her asking? Did you sit down with your 6th grader and help him with his math while she cared for the crying baby? Did you surprise her with a gift certificate for a massage? What can you do to show her she’s appreciated? #3 – We aren’t in love anymore. Love is overrated. Most people think love is the butterflies and the romantic movie-love Hollywood has brainwashed us with. That’s not love. Not the kind that lasts “till death do us part”. Love is a choice. Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (I Corinthians 13:4-7) #4 – It’s better for the kids if we divorce. I’d have to disagree. It’s better for the kids to see you sitting across the table from each other, holding hands and talking rather than yelling across the room when they’re ‘sleeping’. It’s better for you to ask your kids, “What can we do to surprise mommy when she comes home today?” It’s better for the kids to see hugs, gestures, and signs of affection – even if they’re not returned. It’s better for kids to hear, “Oops, dad forgot to take out the garbage last night. He must have had a lot on his mind. Let’s do it for him.” instead of, “Isn’t that just like your dad, leaving the garbage all over the place again.” #5 – I grew up but he/she stayed the same. What do you think he/she would rather hear? “Grow up! Act your age – I have three kids already, I don’t want another one!” Or, “Hey sweetie, I know you really like to do _________ or go __________, so I was thinking. . .what if we compromised and went where you’d like this afternoon and then next Saturday we can try someplace new.” #6 – We’re different people than when we got married. Adapt. #7 – It isn’t fun anymore. Okay, here’s some tough love: Love isn’t about ‘fun’. A healthy relationship doesn’t just happen. Life is work. Love is work. Raising kids is work. Happily ever after doesn’t start just because you walk down the aisle. Your attitude, your selfLESSness, and your actions make your marriage work. If you’re not having fun, redefine what fun means and decide what’s more important. #8 – I found a new person who really understands me. Unfind them. Don’t go crying on your co-worker’s shoulder about how bad your husband is. If you want your relationship with your husband to change, talk to him about it. Don’t go near the marriage-wrecker with a ten-foot pole. At one time your wife was the person who really understood you, remember? It was probably because you talked to her. Create a date night once a week or every two weeks and just talk. Share your thoughts, your concerns, and your ideas. She can’t understand you if you don’t let her in. And then let her have a turn too. #9 – He/she let him/herself go. Did your wife gain weight after the kids? Is she 60 lbs. heavier than when you met her? Is your husband a couch potato with a big gut and sweatpants? Then help them get themselves back. Instead of, “Who ate this whole bag of chips? You again!” how about, “Hey honey, let’s go for a walk. I just want to hold your hand for awhile.” Don’t bring home donuts and ice cream. Start cooking healthier and doing more physical activities as a couple or a family. Losing weight isn’t easy. Be an encourager in any way you can and don’t give up. #10 – I deserve to be happy. Happiness is an interesting word. Do you mean, “I deserve everything I want” or were you really thinking about the joy in making someone else happy? I’ll be the first to admit that changing your thoughts and attitudes toward someone isn’t easy. We’re all selfish; it’s human nature. Ask God to help you stop those hurtful and bitter thoughts and replace them with loving and supportive ones. What you think will eventually come out of your mouth. “Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles.” Proverbs 21:23 If youre still looking to get a divorce, it doesnt have to be an expensive ugly thing. 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May often be much easier on children that may be involve in the divorce, as less stress you and your divorcing spouse are under will often result in a diminished amount of stress transferred to the children. This packet includes All the forms you will need to file for divorce in the state of South Carolina. Just follow the directions, fill in the blanks, and pay your filing fee (Usually $150) at the courthouse. You may need to serve papers by certified mail which usually runs about $12 per mailing, and most mail two sets of papers to pendent (Certified return receipt mail). For an additional charge we will fill in the blanks and notarize the forms for you., insuring that everything is done the right way. Only $39.99 at Ink World USA. Use this link to go directly to the page. inkworldusa.info/catalog/product_info.php?products_id=55065
Posted on: Tue, 07 Oct 2014 10:41:19 +0000