The Year of Living Miserably or Learning What I Did Not Want to Know This year saw my wife spend five weeks in the hospital to diagnose mental problems. When she came back, we had to revise how we lived and how we saw the future. It was miserable. It was the worst year of my life, as it was for Becky. I learned so many things I never wanted to know. 1. I now know what primary, progressive aphasia is. My wife has it. 2. I learned the protocols of a psychiatric unit. I was confused and angry about this for the first week or so. I got through out of one of them. 3. I learned how to accommodate another person living in our home to help Becky. 4. I learned how to set up guardianship and conservatorship for my wife. This means legal and financial authority. 5. I learned how much (4) cost through a lawyer. 6. I learned what it felt like to stand in front of a judge with our lawyer and my wife to hear him say, in effect, that I was now her parent. That is what (4) means. 7. I learned how to play hurt to a greater degree than ever. I did have to cancel some speaking engagement and have one class taken over by another professor. However, I debated an atheist in Boulder during the first week of Beckys hospitalization. I taught two classes at Denver Seminary and continued writing. 8. I learned depths of sorry and distress I had never known before. 9. I learned--or am learning--how to communicate with my once-brilliant wife in ways she can understand. 10. I learned about in-home assistance. 11. I researched long-term assistance, which we may need for Becky. I found that Kaiser Permanente (not to name names) does not cover that. 12. I learned how to find meaning in suffering through the writings of Viktor Frankl. They went deeper than ever during this crucible. 13. I learned the feeling of being terribly behind on everything and not imagining how to catch up. 14. I learned how it feels to cry a lot and to cry unexpectedly, even in public. I also learned things that were not miserable. 1. I learned that so many friends helped or offered to help this year, including folks at Denver Seminary, where I work. This includes meals brought over, help with moving in and out one helper and moving in another one, help with legal and financial problems, and much more. 2. I learned that I can soldier on--limping, bruised. 3. I learned that I can still enjoy life through teaching, writing, fellowship, jazz, horses, and dogs. See Ecclesiastes 5:18-20. 4. I learned that God brings good out of even the most horrible suffering. This has year has been a crucible, excruciating. These words mean to take on a Cross. If we take the Cross of Christ, we can become a bit more like Christ, more aware of others suffering and more willing to listen and help. 5. I can keep praying when I am not happy with God at all. See Psalm 39, 88. That is my miserable year of learning. It was the worst ever, as (at the time) was 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013. I do not say this to illicit pity, but to wear witness that you can go on as a Christian.
Posted on: Wed, 31 Dec 2014 23:54:49 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015