The best speech you will never hear at a public function Fellow land grabbers, thieves, pickpockets, murderers, fornicators, conmen – both religious and otherwise, all traffic offenders, drug peddlers, pimps and rapists, the handful of decent citizens present, all protocols observed. I can’t exactly claim that am honoured to be here because I frankly have no idea why you are gathered here. What I know is that the activist who organized this event knows someone who went to school with another fellow who knows my personal assistant. The said fellow begged my personal assistant to beg me to be here. I agreed after realizing that this event would most likely end up on the 7 o’clock news. The activist even prepared some notes, the ones on a yellow paper, that you saw my personal assistant sneak to me a few minutes back. But why the hell should I read his speech and pretend it’s mine? Ladies and gentlemen, I have never seen a more pathetic choir in my life. You honestly imagined that that horrible performance would entertain me? (Mheshimiwa now leans sideways, listens keenly and nods intellectually to an aide who’s whispering, “Boss, she is already in the hotel room.”) And did you have to drag the school children up here? The high school boys and girls are simply “tuning” each other without the least interest in what’s going on so far as I can see. Anyway, here is the deal. This activist and his briefcase NGO aren’t really helping you. Ati he’s cheating you that you will be cooking with biogas? Ha! I bet he hasn’t told you that you need cow dung from five well-fed cows, which none of you have, on a zero-grazing unit, which you don’t have either, to make that feasible. Reality is that soon as I cut the tape to inaugurate this non-starter project and the cameras flash, that’s it. I will get my spot on the 7 o’clock news. The activist will get a nice picture and a newspaper cutting for his donors in Italy. And you, villagers, will get nothing apart from a sore backside. Dismissed! Ted Malanda
Posted on: Tue, 01 Apr 2014 05:28:15 +0000
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