The big difference between living downstate and upstate, as a man, is the machinery and your relationship to it. A man upstate has to deal with smaller pieces of machinery like ride-around lawnmowers, off-road vehicles, skimobiles, snowplows, trucks in general, none of which Im any good at or know one end from another. In fact: maintenance of these things is a nightmare in which you have to drain out the gasoline that you drained... Frankly I dont deal with it, dont have any of these small machines and fear them greatly. Machinery downstate is simply a matter of knowing which subway to get on because Ive discovered that parking the car as soon as possible in New York City is a good idea, and not to drive around endlessly until you get dented or run out of gas in the middle of a traffic jam. Yes, Park the car and forget about it and use those wonderful subways. Thats what a man in NYC should do. Or if he cant decide, use a taxi. There are some pleasant things about being a man upstate, one of which is building and lighting a fire in the fireplace. For some reason, this makes a favourable impression on women, which is a good idea. Also, its a tiny form of knowledge to know how to construct the fire so that it will burn happily, but not too big so dont set the house on fire. Another one of a mans chores upstate is setting the mousetraps and dumping the little critters afterward. This is something I never do downstate because for some reason the mice never get up occasional hello to the men who live in the town; they have a surprising amount of wit - more than I do - but their belief systems are really primitive and conservative. In New York City, I find it best to be a little noticed, to resemble a retired high school science teacher on his way to play checkers all day, if I possibly can. No fine art stuff on the subway because it would just attract lunatics and preachers. Upstate I can barbecue, which is supposedly a mans job. A steak barbecued is tastier than any other piece of meat could be. Unfortunately it also shortens your life slightly, but we all have fifteen minutes to spare. The reason Im good at fires is because as an artist Ive developed the ability to barbecue, to cook and bacon and toast... the ability to stare at the thing very closely for as long as it takes to be properly done.
Posted on: Sat, 29 Mar 2014 00:04:37 +0000
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