The curse of being a divorced husband and unmarried father By Stanley Gaba It is frightening to see so many fathers (both divorced and unmarried), who want to play a part in their children’s lives but thrown to one side for no good reason. Their only sin is that the relationships never worked out, either by their making or situations beyond them. By this I mean, a woman may have found a new and better love somewhere else but these men, husbands and boyfriends still have to face a battle with solicitors, barristers, family court judges and social services, along with the monetary and emotional traumas this situation brings. As if this is no humiliation enough, still have to face un-sympathetic police officers, scornful social workers and biased, unhelpful maintenance officers in their attempt to get help in respect of their children. THERE are unmarried fathers and divorced husbands who would love to spend quality time with their children at any time of the day, on their children birthdays, on their school holidays and graduation and wedding days but are still denied visitation rights or not allowed to see the children. It is every responsible man and husband’s dream to bond with their children but these dreams get shattered because some women consider themselves a package with the children. This means: if you can’t have me (wife/girlfriend) then you can’t have my children. The media has spent considerable effort raising public awareness about the problem posed by divorced fathers and unmarried boyfriends who do not provide court ordered child support payments. While the media correctly portrays the difficulties imposed upon women and children by the Irresponsible Dads and Husbands phenomenon, the cameras have yet to capture the warfare waged by a select group of mothers against child maintenance paying, law abiding fathers. Every day, attorneys, psychologists and therapists are exposed to horror stories in which vicious behaviors are lodged against innocent fathers and children by some mothers and wives. Today, half of all marriages will end in divorce. With the increasing commonality of divorce involving children, there is a pattern of abnormal behaviours which is emerging and is receiving little attention. These are outrageous examples which some men/husbands experienced at the hands of their bitter wives: firstly, a divorced man gains custody of his children and his ex-wife burns down his home. Secondly, a woman in a custody battle buys a cat for her offspring because her divorcing husband is highly allergic to cats. Thirdly, a mother forces her children to sleep in a car to prove their father has bankrupted them. These actions are never written about or talk about or demonstrated against by other women/wives or the so-called lobby groups. These are outrageous actions which are at humiliating and abusing the husband/fathers but at the same time abuse children themselves. The number of children involved in divorce has grown dramatically as well. While the majority of such cases are settled from a legal perspective but outside the courtroom the battle continues. Many fathers are being forced below the poverty line while being denied proper access to their children but if the mother has leaves the family home and is in desertion of the children, she is not subjected to humiliation, scorn and lengthy legal processes as a man. Judges have no set criteria to determine maintenance payments and custody of children it is just at the whim and clever of each attorney. This is a totally chaotic situation! There is no consistency in the courts or justice system. If a father is unable to pay maintenance, he will invariably be denied access to the child by the mother and the courts will do nothing about it to combat that kind of emotional and financial blackmail. Many good men are denied access to their child because they don’t have money to pay. Sadly, as finances become harder for all those in and out of employment, the more recalcitrant of parents will restrict a father’s access as they gain financially through the Child Support Grants (SASSA), and this becomes more important to women/wives than their children having two loving parents. FRIGHTENING’ numbers of fathers are being denied access to their children ‘for no good reason’ after splitting from their partners. Sadly, it is children that suffer emotionally, spiritually, physically and otherwise. The fathers on the other hand forfeits to bond with their sons and daughters. My heart goes out to all those men/husbands who have been unfairly denied an opportunity to raise their children. I implore on all women who feel hard done by that they should not use their children as bait to win their attraction from their boyfriends and former husbands.
Posted on: Fri, 24 Oct 2014 09:12:20 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015