The deadly chartreuse extrovert Some of you might say this is silly, or even call me a certain name, but, just the same, the story I am about to relay, was a life altering and horrible experience for me. Rarely do I stay up late, yet, last night, that is what I did. Karen had just returned a few days ago from an extended trip to NY and things were getting back to normal. Karen was still spending an exorbitant amount of time cleaning the house; vacuuming, cleaning the baked on cheese from the stove, microwave and off a few, dozen saucers & plates and her zeal was absorbed and I decided to stay up to watch a show I had recorded after she went to bed. She was like super tired. AT about midnight, I decided to shut it down, shower and crash. After clearing the house, I took a shower and after a total cleaning, I was stepping out of the shower, obviously in full cammo mode and was reaching for my towel when something caught my eye………a huge spider with big beady eyes was staring at me about 4 inches from the shower wall just outside the shower and I froze. Whilst standing half in and out of the shower, with arm outstretched in a “David” pose I was in a complete static, and a rather vulnerable state as I looked deep into the eyes of what may be the last thing I see. It was all fidgety and was staring at me with anger and fear. I thought I saw some fangs, and maybe some foam as well which hiked my intense feelings of dread. Now, in my life, I have encountered having guns drawn on me, snake bites, falls from great heights and many broken bones followed by many operations. I have made numerous bad decisions like jumping four wheelers off cliffs, hitting cars on motorcycles because I was speeding and trying to set small burn piles on fire with 10 gallons of gasoline, all of which taught me valuable lessons. At this moment where I stood face to face with death,…again, a question kept running through my mind and I began to inspect this spider that was ready to strike…What kind is it ? The warm shower long gone and my arm starting to get tired, I wondered if this was a spider full of neurotoxins that would kill me in a matter of minutes….was it a chartreuse extrovert ? A black widow ? maybe a Brown recluse ? Karen was fast asleep as I stood naked and in fear of a possible early demise at the fangs of a spider that I was staring down. I decided to retract my arm and back away from this menace when… the damned thing jumped …..ON MY FACE ! In a squealing fury I batted at it trying to knock it off and I fell out onto the floor with a loud thud. Afraid, I jumped back up with arms flailing and caught the edge of a shelf where Karen keeps soap and small wash towels. They landed everywhere. I looked all over myself and saw zilch, I looked into the mirror and …nada. I felt like a goofball, and decided that it was gone. I was now safe although still weary. As I started picking up the items off the floor and replacing them where once they were neatly stacked, again, something caught my eye. Movement. In the sink. I eased over and saw that the spider was now trying to crawl up the side of the sink. It somehow made it from my face to the sink during the Malay. I grabbed some TP and picked the little bastard up, tossed it in the toilet and sent it to hell with the push of the lever. The crisis was over and I am sure now that Karen was stirred awake with all the noise and banging that had just happened. I dried off and as I crawled into bed, Karen reached out and in a voice obviously from one who was less than awake, asked me if I needed some Pepto-Bismol for my tummy? I wondered what exactly she heard that would imply I had an upset stomach? Never the less, we went to sleep; I survived and I sit here now alive, wondering if I should post this harrowing tale for all to read…? Why not. MWP
Posted on: Thu, 31 Jul 2014 12:31:59 +0000
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