The deaths of Sean Costello and more recently, Robin Williams and many more who struggle with depression is horrible to see and the comments of Gene Simmons are disgusting and ignorant to say the very least. If I had listened to Gene when I was planning my suicide 20 years ago, I would not be alive to see my daughters grow into the beautiful young ladies they now are. I would have ended the misery I felt, or would I? Gene obviously knows nothing of depression, so let me enlighten you. The dark you see, is the only thing you see for there is little light to lead the way. The shallow corridors leading you to the edge are the only thing you know and you find yourself sometimes craving them in the hopes that you will find a way out. Is it the familiarity that comforts you? I do not know. You cant imagine how anyone in the world could exist. How could that be when there is so much darkness all around us? You will reach out, hopefully, to people who may care even just a little and have some sort of empathy instead of always trying to cheer you up. Perhaps those people will udnerstand you? You are alone on an island of pain in a sea of agony so how could anyone possibly understand how you are merely trying to exist day to day? I was fortunate to have reached out to Pat Vandeweil from Outreach Mental Health Services in Kelowna, and that my friends, saved my life. Period. My physician, Dr McCloskey was also there from day one but even though I knew he cared, I also knew he didnt fully understand my situation but he did try. My mother was always there and I can honestly say that without these individuals my ass would be 6 feet under. Talking about my feelings was a way to get it out there and was extremely cathartic for me. They put me on a regiment of different pills as well and over the years I have tried Paxil, Zoloft, Cipralex, Cymbalta, Zyban, Prozac and many more I cant remember. Eventually we happened upon Cipralex which has more or less kept me feeling more or less even. The day I realized I would kill myself, I had prepared my suicide kit. A dryer hose, a zap strap and my cars exhaust. I would drive to the top of Knox Mountain, strap on the hose to the exhaust, roll the windows up, smoke a joint and say good bye. All the materials were in the trunk of the car and I was ready to go. Or was I? I went to work to try and make things seem normal and then something miraculous happened, I had an epiphany. Maybe there was another way out? The emotions came rushing out like a flood and I burst into tears at work. Everybody was freaked out and did their best to calm me down. Something told me to call Pat, my Dr and my mom. It was then that I admitted myself into the psych ward. I was broken, busted and beat up and all at the hands of myself. They all met me at the emergency room and the admitted me into the ward. I never felt so alone and yet surrounded by love at the same time. I knew these people cared for me and even loved me and I knew if I did not do this, my kids would not have a father even though I wasnt a very good father or husband. After a couple of days there on suicide watch taking pills to go to sleep and pills to wake up and pills to calm me down, I got out. I was then put into group sessions with other folks in similar situations and had many visits with psychiatrists and therapists afterwards. My heart started to return and when I got home and saw our baby in my wifes arms and my other daughter at her side I burst into joyous tears. I was still here! Depression is and will always be a part of my life. Daily it is a struggle and from now on I am going to talk to someone when I have my moments. Had one a couple weeks ago and for days on end where it gripped me so tight I thought I would die. Depression kills a part of you and makes you feel tired, in pain both physically and mentally and in a hole that is impossible to get out of but trust me, you can get out. This too shall pass as everything always does. Your darkest days are behind you and when you get one day ahead you can finally see the light at the end. I promise. If you or anyone else is suffering from depression please know that there is hope. There is someone out there who does understand what you are going through and they made it to the other side. There people you can talk to and I am one of them. If you need to talk, I will listen. Do not do this alone my friends as you neednt walk by yourself on this journey. There are many of us who will hold your hand and be by your side and there aint nothing wrong with that. Thank you Nikki Sixx for understanding the depths to which we can fall. He is a man who obviously understands the darkness. Please if you know someone who is suffering, dont try and cheer them up, just listen. Sometimes, it is not what you say but what you dont that speaks volumes. Even typing this opens some new wounds but I know that this time, I am not alone. Remember, you are not alone either and if you need to talk to someone, I will be here to just listen. Peace, Rick Poppa Dawg Rick PoppaDawg Halisheff
Posted on: Tue, 19 Aug 2014 20:54:22 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015