The emptiness of her soul shows right through her eyes. I can see every moment of her life as if I was reading my poetry for the first time. The bags beneath her eye lids show me that shes cried so many times and since her face looks so soft it also shows me that shes had no ones rough thumbs to push away those same tears. Her head is parallel to the ground. A fright to lift her chin because she was once told shell never amount to anything and that her beauty wouldnt make it. I couldnt help but to notice the scars on her knuckles. Regardless if she fought off men or fought off other women, she had to and she did. Safety. Sanity. The reasons shows in every scar. She had to show the world that up underneath the pretty skin and beauty marks she was a tough firecracker that at any moment could be ignited by ignorance and the desperation of others. Her smile is so shallow, faked it seems. Like she never had a real one put on her precious lips. Speaking of her lips, I wonder how many people has passionately kissed them but never really meant it. Rumor has it that she had the word fat carved into her stomach because someone that she loves once told her she was. I cant help but to also notice the tattoo on her chest. A heart wrapped in Bob wire. Symbolic to the love she dished out and had smashed and stomped on and then handed back to her with no care and no remorse. She looks so lost. Like someone blindfolded her, took her in the middle of no where, gave her back her vision then told her to find her way back home. You can tell she craved for love and to be liked by the wrong people. The people around her slowly vanish as she gets older. Jealousy, hatred, fakeness, envy, even confusion... all reasons why she cant keep friends and why she chooses to push them away. Her back is hunched like exhaling takes so much from her. I wonder if she knows I exist and that I will one day become her savior. She had goals that she put off because she chose to be a full time pleaser. I heard that twice she had offers to boost her career. One offer one of her exs told her not to do it so she didnt and the other one, one of her exs just didnt care which didnt give her hope and took away her shine. Made her feel like she wasnt good enough. I wonder if she knows tight clothing and long hair extentions wont make her any more accepted into this crazy world than she already is. I actually wonder a lot. But its getting depressing searching for answers. The past is the past right? In that case I need to close this box and push it back up under my bed. Theres no reason to keep staring at pictures of the old me....
Posted on: Mon, 11 Nov 2013 01:47:57 +0000
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